I get a surprising amount of questions about porn. Whether or not to watch it, whether I think it’s made society better or worse, practicing “no fap” to boost motivation, and various other things. Porn is a very big topic, so today I’m just going to lay out an overview, both as an editorial and as advice.

I’m Not A Fan

I’ll be right up front in stating my own bias. I’m not a big fan of porn and never have been. It’s not something I find enjoyable at all. The vast majority of porn I do see really turns me off, and I don’t even mean the weird, hardcore stuff. Even normal, everyday porn is pretty shitty in my opinion. I have several reasons.

In porn there’s a huge over-focus on oral sex. Hey, I love oral sex in real life, both giving and receiving. But Jesus, watching a man and woman give each other oral sex doesn’t turn me on in the least. It’s boring at best, gross at worst. Giving and receiving oral sex in real life with a woman is fantastic, but watching it on a computer screen is just…dumb.

When not engaging in oral sex, the two people are usually in oddball sexual positions that are optimized for the camera and not an actual representation of real life. Seriously, positions like reverse cowgirl really don’t turn me on and I have no interest in doing these positions myself, beyond an every-once-and-a-while thing for just a few minutes.

Lastly, the women in porn do not behave at all like normal women having sex in real life, and I would know, since I’ve had sex with a large number of women. If you’ve had sex with less than five or ten women in your life but watch a lot of porn, I’m here to tell you officially that women do NOT act like that during sex in real life. They just don’t. To me, women in porn end up looking stupid and fake. Stupid and fake is not a turn-on. At least not for me.

So yeah, I don’t like porn. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just stating an opinion here, and I realize I’m a very bizarre exception to the rule. The vast majority of men, and a surprisingly large number of women love porn and really enjoy it. I have found that, unsurprisingly, monogamy-guys absolutely worship porn and it’s often a very big part of their lives. At the same time I know plenty of Alpha Males (both 1.0 and 2.0) who also enjoy porn, so I’m not saying that enjoying porn is a beta male trait. It clearly isn’t. It’s more of a guy trait.

I’m also not saying I never watch porn. Hey, I’m a man. Of course I watch it sometimes. But honestly, it’s quite rare. Many weeks will go by between me actually bothering to watch any. Normally I’d say it’s because I get laid so much and have constant sexual variety of high quality in my real life, but it’s probably more complicated than that. This is because I know many Alphas who also get laid often with multiple women and yet still watch porn regularly and really enjoy it. I admit porn is sometimes better than nothing, but it doesn’t satisfy me at all.

So maybe it’s because I’m spoiled with my real-life awesome sex life. Or maybe it’s because my sex drive is insanely high and I love real-life sex so much that it’s hard for me to enjoy simulated sex on a screen. Or maybe I’m just weird. Who knows? Porn just isn’t for me.

Porn and Women

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed in the last decade or so is the amount of women who like porn. The old adage is that men like porn and women like trashy romance novels. The success of 50 Shades of Grey obviously shows women still like trashy romance novels (if you want to call 50 Shades “romance”; it’s more a mixture of porn and Disney), but women are at the point where they enjoy porn as much as men do. Frankly, most of the last few times I’ve watched porn was when I was with a woman and SHE wanted to watch porn while we had sex.

It’s surprising. Men are clearly more sexually visual than women, yet a shocking number of women these days are really getting into porn, which is a mostly visual medium. I predict as time goes on, more and more women will be getting into porn. It’s clearly a growing trend.

Porn and Society

When I was a kid in the 1980s, it was very difficult to get your hands on porn. There was no internet. Computers weren’t yet advanced enough to play video. There was cable TV, but it was very new and not much was on it. Dirty magazines were illegal to sell to kids under 18, as was porn at the local video store. The only way a young guy could get porn was from his dad or older friends.

Funny story. Back then my next-door neighbor was big on Playboy magazine, and my two little brothers used to wait by his trash can until he came out to throw away his old issues. As soon as he went back in his house, they would leap into his trash and fish out Playboy and Penthouse magazines, often covered in food and other garbage.

Hey, this is what you had to go through to get porn back then. You young guys these days don’t know how good you’ve got it. Even if you were an adult back then, porn was reasonably expensive and complicated to acquire and watch. You had to buy a VCR player and buy or rent big, bulky VCR porn tapes which were not cheap at all.

Moreover, women back then did NOT watch porn and were hugely offended by it. If you were married or had a girlfriend, you had to devise all kinds of super-secret, James Bond-like methods to keep her from finding your porn stash. If she found it, ooohhhhh shit, you were served up the biggest bowl of drama you’d ever see. It sounds so funny to talk about this stuff today, but for many years this is how things were.

Today, anyone, of any age, at any time, is two clicks away from all the free porn they could ever want. You don’t even need to hide it from your wife/GF, because not only does she know how prevalent and “normal” it is, but she probably likes it herself! This is all such a massive change in such a short period of time.

Has this prevalence of porn made things better or worse? This is a difficult question for me to answer, again because I’m very biased. The prevalence of porn has taken a huge swath of men out of the dating pool. I’ve talked before about how one-third of Japanese men don’t even like sex and don’t want any. This is largely because of computer-based porn in the form of videos and video games. This same dynamic has happened in the Western world (though not as starkly).

I actually like this. The less men on OKCupid or meeting women at malls, the more women are available for me and those other Alpha Males who enjoy sex and have the courage to go get it. Every man who decides to stay at home in his basement and jerk off to porn instead of pursuing real-life sex raise my odds of success with women a little bit. Multiply this by millions of men, both in my area and all over the world, and that’s pretty awesome…at least for me and those few men like me. So yeah, listen up all you betas! Stay away from real-life women and keep watching that porn!

Is this good for society? Probably not. If you’re asking if porn has made society better, worse, or the same, my answer is “worse,” despite the fact that the porn dynamic probably assists me personally. Not that I care of course, since I stopped worrying about society a long time ago.

Porn and You

If you’re an Alpha or aspiring Alpha, is porn good or bad for you?

There are some manosphere guys who have strong opinions on this issue. I do not. I think porn is like most other things, in that a little every once in a while is probably fine, but if you’re watching it all the time, it’s probably harming you. A guy constantly jerking off to porn like Don Jon is likely going to be less motivated to get out into the real world and have sex with real women. He may also have a harder time getting it up, keeping it up, and getting to orgasm at the correct time during real-life sex, because he’s been programming his subconscious with all that porn bullshit. And never forget, porn really is bullshit. It’s not a representation of sex in real life in any way (at least the vast majority of it). That’s why I don’t like it.

My opinion, and this is just an opinion, is that if you watch porn every day, that’s too much. You need to get out there and get laid, my friend. If you’re already in a monogamous relationship, then clearly you’re not getting laid enough and need to either end your relationship or convert to an open one.

As long as you take all the correct precautions, real-life sex is very healthy for you in ways masturbating is not. Real sex with a flesh-and-blood woman you don’t have to give money to benefits you physically, emotionally, mentally, with your self-esteem, and sometimes (though rarely) even spiritually. Not having regular sex because you find it easier to spank it to Pornhub is bad for you in all kinds of ways. Don’t do it.

I’d personally rather have real-life sex with a barely-cute woman than watch the best porn movie ever made. I think the closer you can get to that kind of attitude, the more mentally healthy you’ll be overall.

39 Comments on “Is Porn Good or Bad?

  1. I agree with your first section 100%, and thought I was the crazy one. One thing you didn’t cover, but that is the #1 thing I hate about porn, is the cum shot. I simply don’t understand why a straight male would want to watch another guy masterbate and then cum. It’s gross, and ruins the whole thing for me.

  2. When I was a kid in the ’80s, I was poking around the landfill one Sunday when I discovered that the gigantic off-road dump truck was unlocked. Then I discovered the stash of porn under the seat. Apparently that driver fished out everybody’s Dad’s old Penthouses and Playboys, and Hustlers, and Chics, and High Societies, and Naughty Neighbors. I’ll never forget the night I snuck out and went riding my bike after dark, which was strictly forbidden. I stole every magazine in that truck,and shoved them up my shirt. I was so afraid of getting caught that I nearly had a heart attack, and when I got my bounty home, the payoff was having jerk off material all the way through college. That along with the one horribly duplicated VHS tape I got a friend to make me from his dad’s stash. You had to turn the tracking all the way to the + side to barely make anything out.

    I still have one of those damn things in a drawer somewhere, as a souvenir. Those were different times.

    I guess I’ll stay out of the rest of it. I admire guys like you, but I don’t have the drive to be one of you. Yeah, there is a lot of good looking pussy out there, but Jesus, getting it requires keeping up with a fucking spreadsheet. I could probably get it too if I wanted it badly enough to devote as many resources to it as you do, and I have finally accepted that I just don’t.

    My marriage just isn’t that bad, I guess. It’s nothing like yours was. It’s nothing like any of my divorced friends have ever had. It’s the closest you can come to a third world slave wife without the cute 18 year old who washes your feet every night. My wife came out in freezing weather to bring me dinner and suck my dick at work. She drove all over town in a blizzard trying to find a restaurant that was open, so she could bring me dinner. She worships me. Those prissy little stuck up hot bitches that are too good for me have no clue what they’re missing, and it’s their loss.

    Fuck’em.

  3. the #1 thing I hate about porn, is the cum shot. I simply don’t understand why a straight male would want to watch another guy masterbate and then cum. It’s gross, and ruins the whole thing for me.

    Agree 100%. There are many things that turn me off about porn I didn’t cover. Cumshots, ugly women, women with too many tats, really ugly guys, super-long closeups of body parts so you can’t see what’s going on, etc.

    Troubadour – Your story was great. Those were the days. And I’m glad your marriage works for you…at the moment.

    EVERYBODY likes porn.
    Unless you are sexless.

    No. As I said above, the vast majority of people who like sex also like porn, not 100%. Guys like Tony and I are unusual exceptions.

  4. I’m doing nofap. I’m currently a terrible AFC, but i find that after a week i have more incentives approaching woman than when i fap reguraly. After 7-14 days the effect is at maximum.

    Having finished your alpha 2.0 book I think that nofap is yet another tool to achieve some progress in the area of women.

  5. I have read a lot on your site, and it sounds tempting. Maybe I should watch less porn for a couple of months and try to work up the skills.

    But then my brain starts to wind, I am almost forty, I am almost at the end of the introvert scale, what is the use? I am as much beta as there can be. I am a loser, so why give up the little porn I get for just the possibility to chat up mediocre girls that think they are gods gift to humanity? Is it really worth the hassle?

    But thanks for great reads!

  6. I used to enjoy it more, but now porn bores me. It’s refreshing to hear someone else say that it does not do much for them, especially someone with such an active sex life.

    Seeing all these massively hung guys is no good for my ego either. They should have guys with small dongs doing porn vs guys hung like horses.

  7. I’ve watched porn only a handful of times in my entire life. Always turned off by it.
    Like you BD, I just don’t get it and I guess I’m in the minority. I agree that there’s nothing about it that seems like real sex and none of it is shot in a way that actually turns me on.

    There are ‘sex’ scenes in some movies (no actual sex depicted, just suggested) that are way hotter than any porn flick ever made IMO.

  8. But then my brain starts to wind, I am almost forty, I am almost at the end of the introvert scale, what is the use? I am as much beta as there can be. I am a loser, so why give up the little porn I get for just the possibility to chat up mediocre girls that think they are gods gift to humanity? Is it really worth the hassle?

    Your attitude is horribly depressing. I’m really hoping you don’t mean that and are just being sarcastic.

    There are ‘sex’ scenes in some movies (no actual sex depicted, just suggested) that are way hotter than any porn flick ever made IMO.

    Actually I hate those too. They almost always have the woman still wearing a shirt. (WTF? How often are women wearing a damn shirt during sex in real life?)

    Even when not wearing a shirt, sex scenes in movies are still absolutely terrible. The sex scene in Top Gun is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.

  9. This post and the comment thread got me thinking – I would love to read a post about “real” sex vs Hollywood/Porn. With your experience, it would be a great read.

  10. Having sex with a chick requires me to actually work at it, and there are days when I’m just not feeling it. Having sex with a chick, even a FB, means you need to give a shit about her — need to make sure she has an orgasm, that she’s enjoying it as well, etc. some days I’d rather just watch porn than deal with that hassle. Other days is rather deal with. Mostly depends on how long it’s been since I last had sex.

  11. Having sex with a chick requires me to actually work at it, and there are days when I’m just not feeling it. Having sex with a chick, even a FB, means you need to give a shit about her — need to make sure she has an orgasm, that she’s enjoying it as well, etc. some days I’d rather just watch porn than deal with that hassle.

    I’ve never viewed sex as a “hassle” in my entire life, but I have an unusually high sex drive and thus I’m probably an exception to the rule (again).

    But yeah, as I said, I think hitting the porn every once and a while is perfectly okay.

    I would love to read a post about “real” sex vs Hollywood/Porn. With your experience, it would be a great read.

    That’s a tricky one, because every guy likes different things. What I like with my real-life sex is going to look different from what other men enjoy. Some guys like really slow, romantic sex. Other guys like really rough stuff. Some guys are into BDSM. Some guys like to cum really fast, nor not cum at all; other guys like to pump for two hours.

    There’s just so much difference.

    But granted, it’s still true that Hollywood and porn usually portray something very few people do during sex.

  12. When you watch porn you will probably have to see another man’s dick (possibly in close-ups). This is a massive cold shower to any hetero guy.

    “Lastly, the women in porn do not behave at all like normal women having sex in real life”
    “To me, women in porn end up looking stupid and fake.”

    100% true! Overall they don’t look like real girls…I mean, what’s up with the extremely high heels, excessive make-up and giant fake boobs? C’mon!

  13. The slut shaming and M/W complex is rampant in porn. So many of the men seem to be angry at the woman the more sexual she is. It portrays sex as some type of punishment for the woman, as if she’s not supposed to like it. It doesn’t show sex as mutually pleasurable. It shows the man angrily taking something out on her while she screams like she’s enjoying her punishment. It can be pretty disturbing.

  14. Edit: Maybe they do it that way because the porn industry seems to pander to betas who can’t get laid (their best customers), so they play into nerdy revenge fantasies, as if having sex with a woman represents angrily proving all the women who rejected the male viewer wrong, or something.

    It’s hard for porn to pander to men with successful sex lives who love women, because those men have no need for porn. This skews the porn industry towards misogyny, which gives feminists another reason to be prudes (especially the angry lesbians who have never seen real sex and think it’s like that).

  15. Jack makes a good point. The best example is the cumming on her face thing. It seems like this happens in every single piece of porn, yet I hate it, and can’t imagine how other guys would like it (as I mentioned above). It really doesn’t make any sense for a straight guy to enjoy that.

    However, if you think of it in terms of revenge on the girl it makes more sense. Like they want to humiliate her or show that they dominated her or something.

    One thing I want explained is why guys like seeing a girl’s asshole. To me it’s a huge turnoff to see it, but not only do they make a point to show it in porn, but places like Gone Wild on Reddit show it all the time too. Am I crazy for liking a girl’s face/bobs/ass but not the hole?

  16. I had a long conversation with a buddy’s wife, where she talked about how much she prefers to take a facial or a load on the tits. I wonder if some chicks are actually into the porno spoo bath thing, or if it was her hindbrain trying to reject his beta seed instinctively.

    I was thinking about Black Dragon’s post on porn while I fucked my wife just now. Some of those porno movie positions aren’t natural at all, but when you get things set up so you can watch your cock going in and out of her asshole while her sloppy cunt oozes and bubbles, it’s not for the camera, but for the swordsman’s own eyes. I reached into the drawer and shoved a big purple dildo up her snatch while I plowed her compliant asshole nuts deep, and she screamed so loud the neighbors have to have heard in the house next door.

    While she was shitting me out on the toilet afterwards, she said, “You’re fucking awesome!” I looked at her, smirked, and said, “I know.” “I love you!” she said, and I said, “I know.”

    That’s the real reason I just can’t get motivated with the spreadsheets and all that bullshit. With this at home, how could I possibly bother?

  17. As A lower end Alpha 1.0, I can say that porn has almost ruined my life and internet porn addiction starting when I was 12 years old (21 now) almost ruined my dating success, since im naturally introverted and love to spend time at home, couple this with social anxiety, I struggled getting laid and still do kinda struggle.

    Only have 15 lays under my belt but I could have at least 30-50 lays under my belt if I never watched a single porn scene.

    But I wholeheartedly agree when you say betas staying home in favor of porn (shit might as well add video games too) it makes it hella easier to get laid.

    Guys with an alpha flavor and constantly sarge, are really monopolizing all the women, it’s beautiful for aspiring puas/alphas, but man the life of guys who trade a fun, satisfying life for porn is just disturbing and depression.

    Sigh,
    Love my life though.

  18. BD, sorry but I am not sarcastic, just in a flunk. But as stated, not everyone can be an alpha, and on the good side, there is more for all you guys. 🙂

  19. I dont understand all this fear from “straight” guys seeing dicks in porn!? If its not a turn on whats the issue, or fear? An example, I dont drink alcohol…when people are drinking I dont even see it. Not even a consideration. I eat healthy, when offered a cookie I dont get bent out of shape and declare how food straight I am…I just dont see the cookie. Literally. Ive been to a sex club here in Denver that is awesome! I saw a bunch of people fucking… and I saw dicks. Wasnt a front to my straightness… just sexy shit. It was like live porn.

    My point is that if youre not gay or worried about it the thought of how not gay you are shouldnt even cross your mind. Literally, you shouldnt even see the dicks. As for the whole cumming on a womans face in porn… absolutely hilarious for some reason…

    My experience from porn use is that your life will be much much better with a limited amount. Cheers!

  20. Jack makes a good point. The best example is the cumming on her face thing. It seems like this happens in every single piece of porn, yet I hate it, and can’t imagine how other guys would like it (as I mentioned above). It really doesn’t make any sense for a straight guy to enjoy that.

    However, if you think of it in terms of revenge on the girl it makes more sense. Like they want to humiliate her or show that they dominated her or something.

    Wow, yes. You and him have a very good point and I never thought of it that way. When I see things like butthole-closeups and cumshots, I think “Do men actually like watching this? I guess they must, because it’s in almost every porn vid, and if men hated it, the porn industry probably wouldn’t do it. This is really bizarre.”

    The slut-shaming aspects of porn make perfect sense. That’s really sad.

    That’s the real reason I just can’t get motivated with the spreadsheets and all that bullshit. With this at home, how could I possibly bother?

    You wouldn’t bother…until your wife stops acting like that. If you’re both married and 100% sexually monogamous, sadly her days of being your happy and compliant sex slave are numbered. Enjoy it while it lasts.

    My point is that if youre not gay or worried about it the thought of how not gay you are shouldnt even cross your mind. Literally, you shouldnt even see the dicks.

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but I don’t mind seeing dicks, but I don’t like the over-focus on dicks most porn vids seem to have.

    As for the whole cumming on a womans face in porn… absolutely hilarious for some reason…

    I can’t stand cumshots. I think they’re stupid and disgusting. For me it’s a turn off, not a turn on, and not humorous.

  21. Going through these comments made me remember something. My favorite porn was the softcore porn of the 1990s back when there used to be a Playboy channel on cable (maybe there still is; I don’t know). There was full nudity and full-on sex, but:

    1. You rarely saw the man’s dick. If you did it was a quick pan shot and not a zoom-in focus for five minutes.

    2. You never saw any assholes or cumshots.

    3. Women didn’t have their bodies covered in tats or piercings. It was the 90s so these trends hadn’t started yet.

    4. The sex was not portrayed as men punishing women. The women really seemed to enjoy it.

    5. There was often a little storyline, albeit horribly acted and unplausable, connected to the sex which made it easier to swallow (pun intended) and slightly more enjoyable.

    6. The women looked MUCH healthier and happier than most women I see in today’s porn. There were still plenty of things like fake tits, but I like those. The point is the women looked like the watched their diets, exercised regularly, and didn’t do any drugs. That is NOT what most of today’s women in porn look like.

    So I think if you want “good” porn, the 90s softcore porn model is the one to follow.

  22. I entered my teenage years in the late 90s, when internet porn and file-sharing were relatively new. A lot of my female classmates and I would watch it, and of course great care was taken to make sure our parents didn’t find out! One of my friends discovered a sex tutorial VHS called “Love Skills” hidden in her parents’ closet … oh wow, was it cheesy. Out of curiosity, I recently looked for a new video (something I hadn’t done in years), and was disappointed. What I found was either very fake, boring or much more degrading than I remember. Many of the guys and girls were also considerably less attractive. I couldn’t find anything that remotely excited me (even in the “best of” section), and gave up. Or maybe these days the good stuff just requires you to pay? I’ll just be sticking with my old videos since I only watch about once a month; I don’t have the time or desire to spend hours sifting through garbage in hopes I’ll eventually find something I like.

  23. BD, yeah the softcore stuff can be really cool. But remember, the actors are not really having sex. You just see them humping while naked (without seeing any penis or vagina). The actors are just pretending to be having sex.

    And yeah, the stories were fun to watch and both the female and the male characters were treated with respect and seemed devoted to each other’s mutual pleasure (as per the storyline). That was really cool.

    And I think that’s what us older guys think of when we think of porn. Sadly, it has since degenerated into slut shaming trash and showing sex as an act of hate. The softcore porn that we used to love as teenage kids has now migrated into mainstream culture and is now portrayed in R rated and NC-17 rated movies, as well as TV shows shown on HBO, showtime, Cinemax, such as Californication and Girls. Thus, the actual porn industry has moved on to the hateful hardcore stuff and peculiar fetishes that most normal men do not enjoy.

  24. yeah the softcore stuff can be really cool. But remember, the actors are not really having sex. You just see them humping while naked (without seeing any penis or vagina). The actors are just pretending to be having sex.

    No no, not on the circa 1990s Playboy channel. In the early 90s, to improve profitability, many porn companies started filming hardcore porn but released the same exact sex act as softcore (for cable) and hardcore (for video rental or sales). They really were having sex; later I saw a few of the same scenes as the hardcore versions. It was just edited to be softcore-accessible. That’s why it was far more realistic than the typical (80s) softcore porn.

    The softcore porn that we used to love as teenage kids has now migrated into mainstream culture and is now portrayed in R rated and NC-17 rated movies, as well as TV shows shown on HBO, showtime, Cinemax, such as Californication and Girls. Thus, the actual porn industry has moved on to the hateful hardcore stuff and peculiar fetishes that most normal men do not enjoy.

    Agree. That’s pretty much what’s happened.

    The problem is I think the HBO/Californication softcore sex stuff is pretty dumb too.

  25. BD, I’m curious as to which porn you have watched that was not how normal people do it. You mentioned your distaste for reverse cowboy and cum shots/facials. I agree that those two things are not too common IRL. But besides that I don’t find most porn to be that unrealistic. The guy gets a bj for a few minutes and a smaller percentage of the time he pleasures her also, then they proceed to missionary, girl on top, or doggy. This is how my sessions usually go. I always ask them if I could enter them anally or accidentally on purpose touch my dick to their butt and say playfully, “oops wrong one” just to see how they react, even though anal doesn’t interest me.

    I do agree with you that there is more of a focus on dicks in the last ten years or so. Maybe this is part of the globalists’ agenda to reduce population by subconsciously convincing men to play for the other team?

  26. Wow I am really glad you finally wrote an article about porn. I had been considering emailing BD some info and vids on the science of it and how it is negatively impacting (mainly) men. Like ObeyX, I have been heavily addicted to porn and only recently have been trying to quit. It’s much harder than one might think- especially if the person started at a young age. I would say that if I could do it over again, I would never watch any porn in my entire life. Ever.

  27. BD, I’m curious as to which porn you have watched that was not how normal people do it.

    Go to pornhub and click on any random clip. That one.

    The guy gets a bj for a few minutes and a smaller percentage of the time he pleasures her also, then they proceed to missionary, girl on top, or doggy. This is how my sessions usually go.

    Yeah, but that’s not how most porn vids usually ago.

    Again, to over to pornhub right now and click on 3 or 4 random clips, and just watch what they do AND how the woman behaves. The positions, they do, the sounds she makes, the things she says, where the camera focuses, etc.

    I do agree with you that there is more of a focus on dicks in the last ten years or so. Maybe this is part of the globalists’ agenda to reduce population by subconsciously convincing men to play for the other team?

    Haha. It’s a GLOBALIST AGENDA!!! As much as I love a good conspiracy theory, let’s not go there today.

    Like ObeyX, I have been heavily addicted to porn and only recently have been trying to quit. It’s much harder than one might think- especially if the person started at a young age. I would say that if I could do it over again, I would never watch any porn in my entire life. Ever.

    Yep. I’ve spoken with several guys who are porn addicts and it sounds really, really horrible.

    I will repeat it again: If you start watching porn more than about 2 or 3 times a week, STOP, and go get laid instead. It’s not worth going down that road.

  28. I’ve been looking at porn since I was twelve. It began by soft stuff, once or twice a week. It escalated quickly towards more hardcore stuff. I was led to the point where I would spend 2 or 3 hours everyday jerking off to porn. I remember one time I jerked off 9 times during the day, I stayed in front of the computer all day, not eating or anything. The escalation was such that nothing could really give me pleasure and excite me but sticking things in my ass. Random pieces of wood, kitchen accessories, bottles of water, that’s the only thing that was new so it was the only thing that could arouse me. I began to wish a girl could use a dildo to fuck me, my fantasy was to be sexually submissive. However, when I quit porn for a few months I soon realize it’s not the kind of stuff that turns me on at all. It’s just that looking at porn for 5 or 6 hours a day really fucked me up.

    Of course, I was always tired, in a bad mood and I never had any interactions with real girls.

    A few years after I found out I had erectyle dysfunction when I first was able to fuck a real woman. I couldn’t get it up. Only by thinkin about porn or watching it was I able to get an erection. It destroyed my confidence and I began to flee away from women.

    Last year I gave up on porn for a few months and I found out a girlfriend. I was finally able (after a few trials) to get a proper erection. Like a huge beta, I commited to her monogamously. She tried to get accidentaly pregnant several times, cheated a lot, and tried to marry me. I let her become my everything and gave up everything for her. Horrible break up, suicidal attempts, go back to porn, erectyle dysfunction back. Discovered your blog and vowed to never do monogamy again.

    I’ve been giving up on porn for almost two weeks now and I feel driven to interact with women. So yes ,it depends of the man. But to me, porn is clearly something to avoid. Don’t get addicted to this shit.

  29. The worst is when they try to make it “natural casual sex”.
    Like they find some random chick on the street, convince her to go to an “interview” and then, bang, after 10 minutes she’s exposing herself in front of a bunch of strangers with a camera and he’s getting into her panties. 100% turn off fake.

  30. Wow….some of these comments are just sad. Guys…..BD is constantly giving you tips on how to get pussy and you are saying things like spending effort to get girls is too haaaaard. That you would rather stay at home and jerk off. You can only make this decision if you are actually having some success with women. Get to the gym, get some clothes, get a haircut and get some girls. This shit works.

    BD your stories about getting porn in the 80’s is so true. VERY hard to come by.

    And i don’t agree about porn not reflecting real life……post divorce, I’ve noticed that it is possible to have that kind of sex……facials, anal, spanking, squirting…..I find women seem to enjoy being dominated.

  31. Why porn doesn’t do it for me:

    1. Watching the best doesn’t compare with actually doing sex for real. Our culture is full of brainwashing to be mostly a spectator and consumer, rather than a participant, initiator, creator, etc.
    I’d rather just be kissing and caressing the right woman, rather than watching “great” porn.

    2. If a movie or book or whatever is going to be sexy, erotic, mesmerizing, etc, then it must show believable human beings who reveal their HUMANITY in some way you recognize from your experience. The porn I’ve seen reduces people to dumb meat colliding with other dumb meat.

    3. The most effective movies, books, etc. get you using your imagination to some extent. Then you are participating somewhat.
    Showing you everything isn’t the most effective presentation.
    I don’t want to see every detail as if I’m a space alien learning the anatomy of some unfamiliar species. The lighting in porn looks like some cold laboratory operation.

    4. A woman’s attitude and personality and mentality counts. The right woman with a certain look in her eyes or expression on her face can be more sexy while fully clothed than some naked dull-minded dull-eyed woman who cannot convey sensuality, desire, delight, having a shared understanding with you, etc.

  32. What I have never understood from porn is the over focus on blowjobs. Why does a guy want to see that? I want to see the girls body, not the dick.

    The only kind of porn I really get into these days is sex-party porn (inThevip videos are the best). They add a certain element of randomness that you don’t see almost anywhere else.

  33. “I can’t stand cumshots. I think they’re stupid and disgusting. For me it’s a turn off, not a turn on, and not humorous.”

    From the humiliation point I guess its not funny at all. I never really thought about that. 🙁 I tend to watch the ex-gf videos where the real factor is higher…or used to be. Ive known women in the real world that like this from time to time and it didnt feel I was humiliating them but I can see how that was poor choice of words on my part.

    Now that we have all decided that what we dont like about porn maybe a positive alternative for the guy that needs it. I think it was in a mystery book I read a long time ago that said to make it like a date. Just dont watch hardcore porn. Maybe watch a metart vid of some hottie, turn off the comp, light some candles and focus on your own breathing and mental work. IDK, I think this would be far less damaging than hardcore porn.

  34. I’ve never really cared for porn myself, but I’m a female. Heck, I don’t even get turned on by watching other people have sex in real life, like at swinger parties. It’s just sort of blah and removed if its not ME participating.

    The first porn movie I ever saw was one of those 70’s ones with a really weird, incestuous theme. It was called “Tabu III”. Skinny, ugly, Ron Jeremy types with attractive women and really bad acting. I thought it was HILARIOUS as a teenager. It was like watching a comedy show, or Cheech and Chong, something you do when you are high with your friends.

    My ex husband claimed to be a porn addict. I really don’t know what he was watching but apparently it had dominatrix stuff going on, and because he was so sexually inexperienced himself, he was expecting that kind of stuff from ME. Wrong girl!

    In any case, if he told the truth, then he preferred watching that stuff to having real life sex with me. It made him feel “guilty” too, for wanting to do those “nasty” things and not something you do with your wife, who is supposed to be pure and angelic.

    That is my biggest pet peeve about porn, the reinforcement of Madonna/Whore complex among men. I hate seeing the way porn videos are described online and how the women are referred to as “sluts, whores” etc. It’s implied that only really “dirty” and “bad” women enjoy sex.

    I’ve watched a little bit here and there as an adult but most of it has been more “real life” style. I don’t see people doing that crazy of stuff, but maybe my real life is a porn movie, haha. I think porn is to thank/blame for the anal craze though and that’s not my thing.

    The guy I’m all into now, his ex girlfriend thought he was addicted to porn. I know he watches it, but I think its mostly the type of stuff he does in real life anyway (from what I’ve seen on his computer). Its all interracial gangbang porn, haha. It doesn’t bother me as long as his sex drive for ME is still high, and with him it doesn’t seem to make much difference one way or another.

  35. I would say that depends on a lots of factors. We all know that everybody is watching porn at least once in a lifetime. You can say that porn is bad when you watch it all day long. Only then you can say that it is bad for you and it is already an addiction. If you watch it just out of curiosity or even as a relaxation i can’t say there something bad in it. I, for one, watch on sites like pornhub.com or https://www.fapshows.com twice a week and can’t find any reason of why I shouldn’t. There is nothing wrong with this.

  36. LTTP, as I didn’t see this post until I read the Don Jon article.  But I’ve been “into” porn since I was 8, and still am now while maintaining a regular sex life, so I may have a unique perspective to offer.

    I’ve never had a problem with porn replacing the need for real women. However, I have had the problem of becoming anchored to porn aesthetics. It’s a shitty feeling to talk to a beautiful woman, but not be sexually turned on because she’s “not porn enough”. Through learning game, I’ve discovered ways to motivate women to do their hair/makeup/lashes the way I want without hurting their feelings, but I can see some men considering this a pain in the ass.

    And i don’t agree about porn not reflecting real life……post divorce, I’ve noticed that it is possible to have that kind of sex……facials, anal, spanking, squirting…..I find women seem to enjoy being dominated.

    This is my experience, as well. While BD is totally right about the positions/female performances being fake, the actual activities taking place are not. Squirting in particular is a funny one, as people are always asking “is squirting real?” when in fact it’s quite common.

    But let’s talk about the topic that’s come up several times now: Facials.

    I give facials to every girl I sleep with, and often do it the first time we have sex. A small percentage of women (< 10%) are already clued in and “know what to do” when I’m about to cum; those women are wonderful.

    For the other 90%, it’s a matter of frame. When your frame is dominant, and you are leading her, the woman will do it and cheerfully will look past the “grossness” of it all. (And for what it’s worth, I’ve never lost a girl over a facial; sexual chemistry, yes, but never facials specifically).

    So why do men like facials? – I’m sure for some men there are internal revenge/anger issues involved. It would make sense on paper. But I think it’s an oversimplification.

    Whenever a woman asks me why I like facials, this is what I tell them:

    “Do you know why I want you to wear sexy outfits? So I can rip them off of you.”
    “Do you know why I want you to fix your hair? So I can mess it up.”
    “Do you know why I ask you to wear false eyelashes? So I can cum on them.”

    To me, a facial is a manifestation of the dominant/submissive dynamic. It makes me feel like an animal, taking what I want without any regard for the consequences. And from her perspective, my inability to control myself is a manifestation of her powerful sexual energy.

    In other words, a facial succeeds precisely because passion is so high that neither party is thinking about the literal yuckiness. A successful facial means you have a better sex life than these people do.

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