The Online Dating Profile I Wish I Could Write
Below is the online dating profile I, and many other men, wish they could write on a dating site. I do not recommend writing up a profile like this; it won’t work. It directly assaults women’s Societal Programming and thus women will turn away in droves. This is just an interesting thought experiment. What if I could write an online dating profile that was 100% blunt, honest, and up-front about absolutely everything, without trying any techniques or game whatsoever? It would look something like this…
Hello! My name is Blackdragon and now that you’ve looked at my photos and haven’t run away, you probably want to know what I do for a living. I’m a reasonably successful business consultant and author who runs three small businesses. I make a higher income but nothing too crazy. However, this doesn’t mean I will lavish you with multiple expensive dinner dates before I get to know you well. If you expect men to spend $80+ on you several times in a row for zero sex just so you can decide you don’t like him after a few dates and move on to the next man, then I understand that’s a great deal for you, but I personally think that’s extremely unfair to men.
Once we start spending time together and we know we like each other, that’s a different story. I have no problem with spending money on you at that point (within reason of course). My point is it takes time to get there. If you really need a guy to spend several hundred dollars on you just for you to sit and talk to him several times, then you should probably move on and find someone else. Don’t worry! There are lots of men like that on this dating site; you will have absolutely no problem finding several who will happily agree to that deal.
I live a very happy and exciting life, and I’m literally one of the happiest men I know. I’m happy because I’ve purposely structured my life to be happy, in all areas, including my financial life, my women life, my health, etc. I’m very goal-oriented and very motivated. My work is very important to me and holds great meaning in my life. While I’m not one of these Type A stress-ball guys who work 80 hours a week and are never available, my work is a priority in my life, so if you’re the kind of woman who gets irritated that the man she’s with is sometimes unavailable at odd hours because he works hard, you really should move on and find someone else.
I don’t do sexual monogamy. Let me explain that before you spit out your coffee and your eyes bug out of your skull. I am happy to, and would like to, have a particular woman in my life whom I love, take care of, be with, and commit to. However, even in that kind of relationship (something I call an OLTR), I still have to be allowed to discreetly get a little on the side sexually while wearing a condom. And before you ask the question, yes, you as the woman will be allowed to get a little on the side if you want to also. Fair is fair.
Why do I require this? Because I’m a man, and that’s how I’m biologically wired. If you don’t like it, you really should talk to god, not me. I didn’t design the system, I’m just a victim of it. As you no doubt have already experienced several times in your past relationships with men, if you never, ever let a guy get a little on the side, he will eventually cheat on you behind your back. I’m sure that’s happened to you before and I’m sure you didn’t like it. So my answer is to eliminate the middleman of deceit and drama and just be honest. It’s the adult thing to do. Only teenagers believe in perfect Disney fairy tale relationships. I’m hoping you’re more intelligent and mature than that.
If you would rather be with a man who promises you absolute sexual monogamy, who will later cheat on you behind your back because he’s lying to you when he makes that promise, then you really should find another man. I don’t lie to women, but this dating site is full of men who will happily lie to your face by making that promise. If that’s what you want, go for it!
True, you could dump that guy before he cheats on you, but I’m looking for something very, very long term. If you’re looking for a new man to get really excited about at first but whom you will get bored with a year or two later and dump, you really should move on and find someone else. I only like long-term relationships.
Let’s see…what else?
Oh yeah. We should probably talk about kids, because if you don’t already have two kids, you’ll probably want some more.
If you already have kids, I’m perfectly fine with that. I know a lot of men will consider you baggage or damaged goods. I do not. I like kids and think it’s perfectly fine if you have some.
If you don’t have any kids and want some, or if you already have kids and want more, that gets a little complicated. I already have two kids myself, but they’re more or less grown now, and if I have more kids it will sap much of the newfound freedom I now experience by not having any.
However, if you and I really hit it off, and if we’re together for a long time with very little drama from you, and you’re cool with the whole no-monogamy thing, and you’re willing to sign some legal stuff, then I admit that I could be convinced to have more children. I love kids and it’s definitely something I could be talked into under the right circumstances.
The same goes for legal marriage. I suppose I could be talked into it under certain unusual conditions, but I really have no interest in being legally married, since these days it’s just too risky for high-income men. Actually, it’s risky for all men, but the more money involved the more risky and dangerous it gets, even if a woman signs a prenuptial agreement, which is something I doubt you’ll be excited about doing. What I do want is to live with a woman as husband and wife. I think that would be fantastic. I will also cover most of the bills since it’s statistically likely that I make more money than you. I will still expect you to work and bring in income though; you can’t be a freeloader and I’m not a sugar daddy. But my point is I won’t be stingy with my wife and I’ll take care of you, provided your drama stays low (and don’t forget about that no-monogamy thing).
So if you’re still here, which I doubt, and you’re still interested in meeting me, which I doubt, then message me and we’ll go to a very nice bar where I’ll buy a drink or two (but that’s it) and talk for about an hour. I will be a complete gentleman and not try to have sex with you in any way. No pressure at all.
That being said, if you and I hit it off, then the next time we meet, or perhaps the time after that, we’ll have sex, and it will be fantastic. I’m no Casanova but I’m very good in bed compared to most men and very good at bringing women to orgasms, often multiple orgasms.
What is that I hear? You don’t want to have sex within three dates? Hey, that’s great. I respect that decision, but you really should move on and find another guy. I realize that women can build a connection with a man without sex, but men don’t work that way. We need the physical act of sex to build a real emotional connection and bond with someone. I’m sure you’re great, but I have no interest in going on repeated dates with someone I can’t build a connection with because she has some kind of rule about when she’s allowed to have sex.
Again, it’s how we men were built, and again, if you hate that, complain to god, not me. I will wear a condom and show you recent blood test results that show I’m clean (I get tested for every STD under the sun every 3-4 months, religiously), so you won’t need to worry about STDs. Again, if you really think sex within three dates is horrible/evil beyond belief, then it would never work out between us because I only emotionally connect to women who are comfortable with sex. I am definitely not the man for you, and as always there are plenty of men on this dating site who will happily agree to many dates with zero sex.
Message me if you want, otherwise I hope you find what you’re looking for! Either way, have fun!
So there you go. If I actually put that profile up on a dating site and sent out some openers, my response rate would be about 1% from women under age 33, and 0% from women over 33. In other words, it would be a huge waste of my time.
Writing this, I started thinking about what a woman would write if she was being completely blunt and honest on her profile without trying any “female game.” Hmm. Sounds like I should do a blog post on that too…
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