Why I Don’t Do One Night Stands
What’s the difference between spending money and investing money?
The difference is when you spend money, it’s gone forever. When you invest money, you keep the money, and you get more money on top of that from your earned interest.
It’s true that you must spend money to some degree on things like food, shelter, and little entertainment, but I think we can all agree that beyond that, investing money is better than spending money. Losing money is bad. Keeping money is good. Keeping money and having that money earn even more money is even better.
I have been asked a lot lately why I don’t do one night stands. The time and effort to get a one night stand with a woman is like spending money. You put in all that time of opening women, getting rejected, going out on dates, putting in that time, then finally having sex. If it’s a one night stand, you have sex one time, and then it’s all over. All that time and effort leading up to that sex was like spent money. It’s gone. Once it’s the next morning after that ONS, you have nothing to show for it.
You may argue that you get the benefit of a brief charge of manly manness as you beat your chest and mentally add another “notch” to your “notch count.” But Jesus, that’s all you get. For all that effort. Is that little charge worth it? Only you can answer that question for you. For me, the answer is no.
After the next morning, since the ONS is over, you now have to go back and do all that stuff all over again…just for one more evening of sex. You spent your “money.” Now you have to go back to square one and spend it all over again.
I do the complete opposite. With 100% of the women I have sex with for the first time, my goal is to place them into a long-term relationship with me under either a nonmonogamous FB, MLTR, or OLTR category. I want to be having sex with them, off and on at least, for a very, very long time. Ideally, the rest of my life, but if not that then at least for several years.
This is exactly what happens with me and it’s wonderful. For example, there are women who I still see sexually sometimes who are now in their mid 20s who used to be 18 and 19 when I first dated them years ago. There are women I still see sexually who are in their 40s who were in their early to mid 30s when I first started seeing them years ago. And on and on.
This means that when I meet new women, or send out online openers to new women, or go out on first and second dates with new women, and spend the time and effort necessary to get to sex, I receive a massive return on that time investment. Once I have sex with her, I’m going to be having sex with her for years and years. That’s in addition to the woman I’m already having sex with, and in addition to any new women I choose to add later. When I have sex with a new woman, it’s a huge and long-term win. When an ONS guy has sex with a new woman, it’s a very minor and brief win.
Do all the women I have sex with become long-term relationships? To be fair and objective, we need to discuss my success ratios with the number of women I have sex with one time that become ongoing FBs or MLTRs. No problem. As always, I track everything I do with women on spreadsheets, so I can give you exact figures.
- 77% of every new woman I have sex with end up becoming an ongoing relationship. My overall historical breakdown over the last eight years is about 50% FBs, 50% MLTRs. Though honestly, lately in my life, as in the last 18 months or so, there have been more FBs and fewer MLTRs. This is because I’m getting more busy with work (FBs take less time) and my standards for serious relationships have increased. Higher standards = less MLTRs. Which is fine with me. (Much like women over age 33, the older I get, the higher my standards become. It’s an interesting quality problem. Maybe I’ll make a blog post about that someday.)
- 77% less 100 means 23% of women I have sex with the first time end up one-night-standing me. I hate it when that happens but it’s part of the deal, and my 23% is way, WAY lower than most PUA/player/Alphas out there. The vast majority of these women do so because they are cheating on a husband or boyfriend (even if I didn’t know it at the time, and I usually don’t) or because they were already just starting to date another guy when we had sex, and they chose him over me, usually because he’s a beta and she’s a provider hunter or a dominant looking for a compliant man. Essentially a variation on the LSNFTE concept.
- Almost 100% of every woman I have sex with two times becomes an ongoing relationship. This is why my goal with a new woman is not to have sex with her once, but have sex with her twice. Having sex with a woman twice is a concept I call Lock-In in my ebooks. After having sex with you twice (meaning on two separate occasions), a woman is now “locked into you,” at least for some period of time, since her ASD with you is now completely gone and it’s now “normal” for her (in her mind) to be having sex with you. If you routinely have sex with women twice and they still bail out on you, then you need to dial back the player vibe a little bit.
- 65% of women who become FBs or MLTRs with me have a relationship with me that lasts many years long. Two years, three years, five years, six years, and sometimes even longer. I do all the right things in relationships so multi-years-long nonmonogamous relationships are the norm for me. Sometimes these are consistent relationships, other times they are inconsistent with LSNFTEs when they leave, but 94% of these women come back to me afterwards. My longest consistent relationship so far was 5.5 years. My longest inconsistent one has gone eight years so far. A decade from now I’ll have a nice portfolio of many decade-long relationships, even after I go full OLTR.
So as you can see, when I have sex with a new woman, my odds are overwhelming that I’ll be having sex with that woman for years and years to come. A huge return on investment. I know that whenever I open women or go out on a first date, that is time very, very well spent on my part.
This is why I feel a little sorry for ONS players. They put in all this time and effort for sex, often more effort than me, and the next morning after the sex they have nothing. Then they have to start all over again.
This is also why I can sarge for new women just once or twice a year and yet have a calendar full of sex with multiple women. My sarging time is invested instead of spent.
It’s true that if you’re a Thrill of the Hunt guy, then having sex with a woman for several years probably sounds very boring to you, even if you’re still having sex with other women. Therefore many of you TH guys “need” the thrill of constant ONSs to make you feel happy. I understand. I don’t agree with it, since I’m not that kind of guy, but I understand. I still feel sorry for guys like this. I get so much pleasure and happiness (and sex!) from such a small amount of time and effort invested.
Which, frankly, is the goal of life.