Since monogamy doesn’t work, at least one of my FBs on rotation at any given point in time has a boyfriend they’re cheating on by being with me. Usually this is a woman I started having sex with before she met her boyfriend. This circumstance is created one of two ways:

1. While seeing me, she found a new guy and leapt into a “monogamous” relationship with him while still seeing me.

2. A woman LSNFTEed me and much later came back to me while still seeing a new boyfriend she met during her little “break.”

When I spend time with these women, what do you think the primary topic of conversation is? What do you think is the one topic they LOVE to talk about the most? Would you like to take a guess?

Go ahead. I’ll let you think about it for a minute…

If your guess was “complaining about her boyfriend,” then congratulations, your knowledge of the female species is truly great.

Complaining About The Boyfriend™ is usually the topic of at least 80% of the words that come out of these women’s mouths while they’re with me. Often, it’s what they start talking about as soon as they see me and they keep talking about it when they come over (or when I go over to their place). They briefly stop talking about while we have sex, then as soon as we’re done they start talking about it again. I’m not making a joke and I’m not exaggerating. This is not only common, but the norm with these women.

(By the way, before you scream “friend zone!” or “orbiter!”, remember that I am having sex with these women. No orbiting here.)

As you might imagine, the boyfriend is almost always a beta, though sometimes it’s an Alpha Male 1.0. When it’s a beta, Complaining About The Boyfriend™ is always one or more of the following topics:

  • My boyfriend doesn’t listen. Ugh!
  • My boyfriend won’t do <certain sexual position> with me. Ugh! Why not?!?
  • My boyfriend doesn’t know how to manage his money. Ugh! Can’t he grow up?!?
  • My boyfriend wants a wedding with X, Y, and Z, and I don’t want that! That’s stupid!
  • My boyfriend hangs out with his friends too much. Ugh!
  • My boyfriend is always complaining about <job, friends, family, or other drama>. So irritating!
  • My boyfriend bought me some stupid card game for my birthday. “Magic” something. I mean, what is that? Did he think I would like that?!?
  • We got in this big argument last week about <stupid irrelevant topic>. He just doesn’t listen!

When the boyfriend is an Alpha 1.0, it’s the exact same bitching and complaining only with slightly different topics, such as:

  • I think my boyfriend is cheating on me! I checked his phone / Facebook / email / whatever the other day and saw <blah blah blah>. Oh my god I. Will. Kill. Him. (Note the absence of any irony whatsoever regarding the fact that as she’s complaining about this, she’s cheating on him.)
  • I think my boyfriend is talking to his ex! WTF?!? That’s so disrespectful! (Again, no irony.)
  • I hate it when my boyfriend looks through my phone. I had to put your number under a girl’s name. Ugh! So dumb!
  • My boyfriend got pissed off at me when I talked to my guy friend the other day. Doesn’t he know I’ve known him since we were in high school?!?
  • My boyfriend makes me do X, Y, and Z. Ugh! You never made me do that.
  • We got in this big argument last week about <stupid irrelevant topic>. He’s such an asshole!

On and on this goes, almost non-stop. It really is fascinating, though it’s not that I care. FBs can talk about whatever they want with me as long as they have sex and don’t give me drama. Per my definition of drama, Complaining About The Boyfriend™ isn’t drama, since the negativity isn’t directed at me. Bitch about whatever you like, Darling. While you’re talking, here, let me help you take your shirt off…

Just to preempt a question I see coming: A woman cannot be a MLTR with me if she already has a boyfriend. My MLTRs can have sex with other men, date other men, even have feelings for other men. However if she chooses to be in a “monogamous” relationship with one, she cannot be anything to me more than a FB. That’s because having a “monogamous” boyfriend fundamentally limits the expression within the relationship, and more importantly is a huge source of potential drama for me, which is, of course, unacceptable. So she can have a boyfriend; totally cool with me; but that means she’ll be stuck at the FB level.

Back to the point. Here’s the interesting thing about all this Complaining About The Boyfriend™, at least to me. Like all women, these women know they can instantly snap their fingers, dump their boyfriend, and go get a new one. Even average-looking women can do this and know it. (Hell, even slightly below-average women can do this!) Yet they don’t do it. They bitch and complain about all the drama yet stay in the relationship anyway.

One reason they do this is because they get all the usual ass-kissing beta-boyfriend behaviors women love (from boyfriend) while still maintaining a connection to confident, outcome independent, masculine Alpha sex and energy (from me). It’s the best of both worlds for a woman, at least from a feminine point of view.

The other reason, the bigger one, is that women love drama. I can easily tell that as women Complain About The Boyfriend™, while they look frustrated and exasperated, they’re actually loving every minute of it. They love the emotional high of the relationship drama, almost to the point of addiction.

Of course they say they hate it and they say it bothers them, but that doesn’t mean anything in woman-language. One of the cardinal rules you must always follow, at least in a dating context, is you must ignore what a woman says and only pay attention to what she does. If a woman is constantly complaining about a boyfriend but stays with him for months on end anyway, then she likes it. She likes Complaining About The Boyfriend™ and likes having that kind of drama in her life. If she dumped the guy she would eliminate all that drama…but she wants the drama, so she keeps him around.

I’ve talked about women who are hardcore serial monogamists, who date a new boyfriend for just a few months and quickly dump him the instant they start getting a little bored. Then within a week or two they have a new temporary monogamous boyfriend and repeat the cycle. However, the women who spend their time Complaining About The Boyfriend™ are the exact opposite. Oh, they’re still serial monogamists just like women are biologically designed to be, but instead of insta-dumping the boyfriend as soon as they start getting bored, these women instead ride out the boyfriend-drama for a long, long time, soaking it all up like a sponge, loving every minute of it.

I find it utterly fascinating. It’s so alien to how I think or behave. I soft next women the instant they give me any drama. These women instead see drama, nosedive right into it, and swim around in it almost daily for months, if not years on end. It boggles the imagination.

Of course to be fair, there are drama-loving MEN like this too; men who are hopelessly addicted to high-emotion, high-drama relationships to high-drama bitches, constantly complaining about it but secretly craving it, and never dumping them. But that’s a topic for another day.

Just remember all of this whenever a woman says “I hate drama!”

Uh, no you don’t, sweetie.

26 Comments on “Women Love Drama (As If You Didn’t Know)

  1. Sometimes, when you talk about the women in your life it’s like getting insight into a foreign culture. On the other hand, you must find something about this appealing, or, as above, you wouldn’t wind up around so many of these people either.

  2. I agree with all your points, BD. The women who complain about all their problems yet stays in their current situation definitely thrives on the drama.

    I recently had to soft next a girl for directing drama at me for no valid reason. She came back to me later and told me that I couldn’t ignore her and leave her alone like that when issues came up between us. I told her she can complain, bitch, blah blah blah all she wanted about her work, family, etc. but when it was directed toward me for no valid reason…I don’t do drama.

    She asked what IF I did something wrong, what if it was MY fault? Will I listen to her bitch, moan, complain then and not ignore her?

    I gave her my answer, but I’d rather hear your and anyone elses’ response to this question.

  3. Haha ”

    •We got in this big argument last week about . He’s such an asshole!”

    -> Could I get 1$ everytime a girl has called me an asshole 🙂
    Yup you nailed it once again.

    But say – even if you avoid drama like the plague, dont you think the girls will call you an asshole too sometime when you are not around?

  4. I have the similar experience but this happens to me with women in that are married or living with the dude, they trash their husband/living together dude to death.But, this is a good situation for me, cause you leave them as fb, because, usually once they get out of the marriage, they want me to be the replacement, and for me it is bad for biz and an instant hard next.

  5. you must find something about this appealing, or, as above, you wouldn’t wind up around so many of these people either

    No, less than 20% of the women I have sex with are like this, at the most. 80% of the women in my life don’t have boyfriends, thus do not complain about them or anything else.

    And speaking of making things personal instead of responding to actual points, when is your wedding? Please do let me know when it is/was so I know when to start my timer, so I can estimate when you end up like Malibu Mom, Lovergirl, and so many other women who strongly defended monogamy/marriage until they got divorced.

    even if you avoid drama like the plague, dont you think the girls will call you an asshole too sometime when you are not around?

    That would not be drama per my definition. Women are welcome to say whatever they want about me when I’m not around. They just can’t say anything negative about me when I’m in their presence.

    You’re an Alpha 1.0, so I realize that would upset you in the same scenario.

    I have the similar experience but this happens to me with women in that are married or living with the dude, they trash their husband/living together dude to death.

    That’s interesting. My (limited) experience with playing around with married women is usually the opposite; most married women I’ve been with actually defend their beta husbands and try to play up how awesome they are. My sample size of married women isn’t very large though, since I tend to avoid them because of the drama factor.

    With women living with a boyfriend but not married, then hell yes, it’s Complain About The Boyfriend™ all day long.

  6. I know plenty of men who sit there moaning about their girlfriends too. Drama isnt reserved for women only. I think whoever holds the power in the relationship will spout least drama.

  7. I know plenty of men who sit there moaning about their girlfriends too. Drama isnt reserved for women only.

    I clearly said that in the post.

    That being said, if you compare the two, more women like drama more often and to more extremes than men do, statistically speaking, as I explained here.

    I think whoever holds the power in the relationship will spout least drama.

    Agree.

  8. The older I get less and less drama is allowed in my life (not only from women, but from bosses, family, whatever).
    Do you see that also BD?
    I can spot a trend among my peers that younger guys tend to put up with (and create) more drama than needed in their lives, as opposed to more experienced folks who simply give it a shrug and move on to pursuit their happiness.

  9. The older I get less and less drama is allowed in my life (not only from women, but from bosses, family, whatever).
    Do you see that also BD?
    I can spot a trend among my peers that younger guys tend to put up with (and create) more drama than needed in their lives, as opposed to more experienced folks who simply give it a shrug and move on to pursuit their happiness.

    Fantastic point, absolutely agree, and I even thought about making an entire blog post about exactly that topic.

    Yes, without a doubt, the older I get, the lower my tolerance for drama becomes. I have clearly noticed this, as well as clearly noticing how much stupid drama younger men tend to put up with.

    This is both good and bad.

    The good news is that men tend to become happier more often as they age as long as they keep their mental, relationship, financial, and physical shit in order as they get older (as opposed to women who tend to get more jaded, bitchy, or tired as they age even if these things are all fine, as I explain here).

    The bad news is that the older I get, the more difficult it will be to actually find a woman worthy of long-term OLTR or similar. As my tolerance for drama decreases as I age, so do the number of female prospects worthy of actually being able to live with me (or close to it). It’s easy to find a serious, live-in female partner if your drama-tolerance is really high; just about any smart, pretty girl who’s not a loser will do. But when your drama tolerance is low, very few women will qualify.

    It’s a big topic and I could write more, but it’s definitely one of those “quality problems.”

  10. Almost every woman in my life is in a relationship and has her own friendship circle and the drama and bitching levels are 0%. It’s possible to just cut out every person who whines and looks for drama and you’re actually left with a pretty rock-solid circle of acquaintances you can depend on or even not talk to for months and still keep friendly for when you need them. Yes, it means eliminating a lot of family from your social circle, but the peace, quiet and reliability makes the initial boo-hoo-fest more than worthwhile.

    We’ve been living together 24/7 for almost a year now, sharing homes for nearer to 3. We’ll sign some papers before 2015, as he doesn’t like the thought of children outside of wedlock. Also: why do you hinge it on the start at marriage? We’ve worked under the assumption of marriage for over two years now, there will be no ceremony, no announcements, no guests, no vows and no expectations of alterations. All it is is a document to guarantee a stable and financially safe life for the children we want to have. Marriage here has no meaning except for creating an environment where death or disability of either parent won’t impact the offspring any more than is inevitable. Yet you talk about it as though it were the point where the entire relationship begins.

  11. It’s possible to just cut out every person who whines and looks for drama and you’re actually left with a pretty rock-solid circle of acquaintances you can depend on or even not talk to for months and still keep friendly for when you need them. Yes, it means eliminating a lot of family from your social circle, but the peace, quiet and reliability makes the initial boo-hoo-fest more than worthwhile.

    Completely agree.

    We’ve been living together 24/7 for almost a year now, sharing homes for nearer to 3. We’ll sign some papers before 2015, as he doesn’t like the thought of children outside of wedlock. Also: why do you hinge it on the start at marriage?

    I don’t; I didn’t know you were living together. I’ll start my timer from September of 2013 then, around when you moved in together full-time.

    All it is is a document to guarantee a stable and financially safe life for the children we want to have.

    Uh huh. I’m sure signing a legal marital contract will guarantee all of those things. I mean, it always works out so well for everyone else who does it.

    Marriage here has no meaning except for creating an environment where death or disability of either parent won’t impact the offspring any more than is inevitable.

    Ohhhhh, my love, it has much more meaning than that. It means you can take 50% of his earnings and net worth at the point of a gun whenever you get bored with him, and if he doesn’t pay it, he’ll go straight to prison. (If you make more money than him then the reverse is true.) It also makes the future breakup ten times more complicated, stressful, and expensive than if you didn’t have one. But hey, you don’t need to take my word for it. You’ll find out in a few years first-hand.

    As always when someone red pill gets monogamously married, I wish you the best, but your odds of never getting divorced are likely less than 10%. (Not that you care at this point.)

  12. Ah, cohabitation makes more sense as a start.

    From what I have read, in the event of either of us dying, being in a coma, losing our jobs, being drafted to war, etc, marriage allows for a variety of widow/er’s pensions, social support and guaranteed custody for the remaining parent. Something crucial when some of your biologically closest relatives are the last people you want fighting for custody of your children. It’s also important when you plan on not following the modern educational system, as certain councils seem to have made it their personal mission to keep an eye and a hand on your children at all times.

    Actually, factoring-in our respective sexual histories, current finances, life-goals, social circles and socio-political outlooks, our chances are closer to 50% lifelong and 80%+ for the first ten years. On the other hand, statistics aren’t people, so whether it’s your 8-10% or my 50-80%, it’s only what actually happens that counts.

  13. I tend to come at it from a detachment point of view. The best thing I have ever read on your site is the difference between what a woman wants and what she responds to but again I feel this is interchangeable between the sexes. We all want what is just out of arms reach but the more insecure the partner is the more this will cause drama. Like you say we would have to lock our selves in a room and throw away the key to avoid drama so you have to train yourself to detach yourself from it rather than completely avoid it. Women love to tell us what an asshole we are or how childish/inconsiderate we are blah blah blah. If you have insecurities or weak bouneries you will start to “buy into it” and that’s where the problems begin. Its only as I started to detach from it (and yes this came with age as another person above stated) that I could become non reactive to it. This displays strengh as non reaction and mindfulness are Alpha traits.

    I remember first waking up to this when I received page long emails from an ex detailing all the things I do wrong in the relationship. I would reply with equally long emails addressing the points she had made (so beta!). This would go on for days. Eventually I started replying with three word replies then no reply at all. She soon had my balls bouncing on her chin again with no mention of the drama (that I didn’t acnowlege).

    Treat drama like the beast Hydra. If you try to cut off one head then two more will grow. Detach from it and it will go away on its own.

    Personally I find it ok to have a bit of drama around so I can practice being minful and non reactive to it. This same girl will usually be used to her beta ex/bf engaging in it and will find it refreshing and manly when it slides off you like teflon.

    BD I’m really enjoying your articles. You are definitely above the realms of social conditioning which is very refreshing.

  14. Like you say we would have to lock our selves in a room and throw away the key to avoid drama so you have to train yourself to detach yourself from it rather than completely avoid it.

    Correct!

    I remember first waking up to this when I received page long emails from an ex detailing all the things I do wrong in the relationship. I would reply with equally long emails addressing the points she had made (so beta!). This would go on for days. Eventually I started replying with three word replies then no reply at all. She soon had my balls bouncing on her chin again with no mention of the drama (that I didn’t acnowlege).

    Indeed. I went through the exact same growth.

    Personally I find it ok to have a bit of drama around so I can practice being minful and non reactive to it.

    That’s where I disagree; I’ve practiced quite enough and don’t need any more; I don’t want any drama. But each to their own.

    From what I have read, in the event of either of us dying, being in a coma, losing our jobs, being drafted to war, etc, marriage allows for a variety of widow/er’s pensions, social support and guaranteed custody for the remaining parent.

    Read excuse number 31 right here.

    Actually, factoring-in our respective sexual histories, current finances, life-goals, social circles and socio-political outlooks, our chances are closer to 50% lifelong and 80%+ for the first ten years.

    Yes, yes, so says you and everyone else who makes this mistake. You should see my email. Logic and left-brain justifications never trump biology in the long run. We’ll see what happens when you get divorced (or one of you cheats on the other) well before then. Again, you should see my email. We’ll watch and see how long you last before divorce or cheating. My bet is it won’t be anywhere near ten years; more like within five, and you’ve already had one, so that means within four from now. Let’s see who will be right…

  15. Hmmm BD, I was wondering why do women tend to get bitcher, more jaded, and angry as they get older?

    When I played the field with girls my age when I was 16-17 years old. I noticed this trend was a lot more common. I’m 20 years old now.

    A lot of my friends talk about how women are just colder now than in years past.

    Do women naturally get bitter as they get older and realize they can’t keep an alpha around in their prime years?

  16. Your point 31 addresses the situation for the individual. I’m talking about children. You’re correct that the situation isn’t really an advantage to the couple, as marriage is usually an expense (even signing the papers costs a bit of money), there’s the risk of divorce or of money “leaking” through accounts or even just being forgotten (a big reason for only having one shared account: a savings account in your child’s name to be accessed at 18-21) and it provides no benefit at all, even making it harder to access welfare or, if the partner has much debt (we’re lucky here, I have none and his credit-rating is excellent), debt transfer. The financial benefits and social advantages to being married when you have children are almost exclusively for said children. And I’ve seen first-hand how well it can work for them in marriages where the couple stayed “in love”, the parents stuck it out, marriages that broke down, marriages that ended in death and even that ended in divorce. Besides child-custody battles, the children are always at an advantage socially and financially when the parents are married. And, also based on direct observation, custody battles are even more severe and damaging to the child when a member of an unmarried couple dies or when they separate.

    The only cases where we thought marriage would matter much to us would be buying a house or having children. Looking at the housing market, we’re happier to hold out until a crash or until we can buy outright, so that benefit is unimportant. But we want 4-10 children, all of which will be homeschooled, kept off the “recommended” diet and physically trained so as to make the most of their genetic potential (all of which the UK education system can’t do anything about, but wouldn’t be happy with), so making their lives as socially and financially secure as possible is a must.

  17. The financial benefits and social advantages to being married when you have children are almost exclusively for said children.

    Only if you stay married and together for 20 years or more. And as I said, your odds of divorce before then are ridiculously high.

    It’s made worse by the fact you want 4-10 children. The more kids, the harder the marriage and the worse the inevitable divorce is. I know a woman going through a divorce right now who has SIX kids. Her life is hell on Earth.

    But I’m not going to go back-and-forth about this. You’re going to get married regardless of what I say. Divorced too. Have fun with that.

  18. As I said, I’ve seen marriages end in death and divorce where the kids are better off than unwed families that end in separation. Seen enough of both to see that marriage is the best environment to have kids, whether the couple stays together or not. If they stay together: no harm done. If they are separated: kids are better off. Sure, may be worse for the parents, but marriage was never really a display of lurve for the individual anyway. It’s an institution for the family and principally for the protection and education of children.

    Also, you shouldn’t speak in such absolutes. Even if your stats are universal and not at all variable based on circumstance and individuals (which they must be, as evidenced by the fact that 85% of virgin-bride marriages are intact and happy 10 years in, as opposed to 35% of marriages where the woman has 6+ partners), that’s still 8-15% success rate. I know you’re disillusioned with monogamy, but whilst you consciously admit that it works for some, it’s almost as though you can’t believe any of these people actually exist. “Sure, 8-15% of monogamous marriages are happy, but I will never meet or hear of any single one of these people.” Considering that he has proven he can stay celibate for half a decade even in the face of female advances and that I haven’t experienced attraction to anyone other than him (it takes at most 2 weeks to see if someone is worth talking to ever again and everyone before him has got boring or repulsive by that point), I’d say odds of sexually-based problems are pretty low. Which is the entire foundation of your argument against monogamy. I agree most people are sexually impulsive and socially gregarious enough to get bored by a partner or excited by a stranger. But some people aren’t. Around 1/4 of the population has the potential for monogamy, as evidenced by tribes where monogamy, marriage, divorce and polygamy are unstigmatized. These people will pair up around 12.5% of the time. Which matches up with marriage happiness stats. It’s safe to say that said 12.5% of couplings involve two people who pair-bond strongly and are less impulsive and gregarious than the other 75% of the population.

    TL;DR: I don’t disagree with your general stats, observations and advice (unless they’re wrong), I just disagree with your application of them and your personal absolutism.

  19. My (limited) experience with playing around with married women is usually the opposite; most married women I’ve been with actually defend their beta husbands and try to play up how awesome they are.

    This could be the saddest comment I’ve read in years. These women tell you how great their husbands are at the same time they are inflicting a future of horrific emotional torment on them. Go check out the support forums on sites like SurvivingInfidelity – guys who get cuckolded are absolutely wrecked and many seem to never really recover.

    The women also can look forward to a life of crushing shame and guilt and absolute disbelief that they could have been so cruel to someone they love.

    I won’t touch a married woman for the same reason I won’t invite a recovering alcoholic friend out for a few drinks. But perhaps I’m just wired differently.

  20. These women tell you how great their husbands are at the same time they are inflicting a future of horrific emotional torment on them.

    With complete honesty and seriousness, some of the strongest, most vehement defenders of monogamy I have ever encountered were married women cheating on their husbands.

  21. Hmmm BD, I was wondering why do women tend to get bitcher, more jaded, and angry as they get older?

    A lot of my friends talk about how women are just colder now than in years past.

    I’m 20 years old now.

    Their behavior towards you has changed because women mature far, far faster than men do. The typical 20 year old girl is dreaming about a guy in his early 30s, not some 20 year old kid. Seriously, skew younger.

  22. With complete honesty and seriousness, some of the strongest, most vehement defenders of monogamy I have ever encountered were married women cheating on their husbands.

    I don’t doubt it – I’ve read hundreds of stories by women detailing the rationalizations they used while their affairs were in progress. Once their infidelity gets exposed though they snap back into reality and see how crazy their thought processes were. It’s quite a fascinating internal struggle between their basic nature and their socialization, really.

    The evidence is clear that humans are not monogamous creatures, and that the traditional marriage is by its very nature a completely misbegotten relationship structure. But not everyone understands this, and no one wants to ruin the life of some well meaning but hapless guy for a quick fling.

  23. BD, I also see myself slowly climbing the ladder of quality.
    Oh my, I’m pulling the trigger fast these days on women that don’t abide by my laws of happines. It’s really a curse on one side, but on the other hand I have been living a very peaceful and happy life full of pussy, so why mess with it?

    “(…)The good news is that men tend to become happier more often as they age as long as they keep their mental, relationship, financial, and physical shit in order as they get older, as opposed to women who tend to get more jaded, bitchy, or tired as they age even if these things are all fine(…)”

    You were right on point again because the older I get the happier I feel!!! On the other side my female friends with similar age who are 1)young 2)pretty and 3)have a good financial situation could be getting so much cock if they wanted but just waste their time bitching about not having a boyfriend, men, the economy, the world, their pets, their parents, their hair, their bodyfat…
    Such a waste!

  24. Hey BD,

    What do you do if your GF is crying, when you’re saying no to things. Say you’re trying to keep the ‘once a week’ rule, saying “no” to meeting up, and she starts crying. Or when you can’t go to the doctor with her or something. Even though it’s a mono-relationship (it’s stupid I know), is there still something I can do in this situation?

     

     

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