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Last week many of you emailed and Facebooked me links to a sad yet educational event on Reddit. If you don't already know what I'm talking about, a husband created a spreadsheet tracking all the times he asked his wife for sex, notating when she said no along with the excuses she used. The wife found the spreadsheet and slapped it up on Reddit, in an attempt to shame her husband. She was shocked to discover that most Reddit readers were against her rather than defending her, though as you can imagine she did have some female defenders.
-By Caleb Jones
She has since taken the spreadsheet and original post down, and it looks like these two are on their way to a divorce. (Big surprise.) However there are still articles on this and copies of the spreadsheet all over the place, such as here and here (the image above is the low-res version). Even one of my regular online news channels featured the story. (Notice how the younger, never-married woman in the video is actually surprised this kind of thing is "prevalent." So cute. And sad.)
This is a very serious issue, so we need to be as fact-based and objective as possible. The Societal Programming involved in pushing monogamous marriage on the populace is gargantuan. As a result, when things like this are discussed, once the teasing dies down, normal SP-brainwashed people either snort and say it's "no big deal" or puff out their chests and say "that won't happen to me."
So let's take this step-by-step and discuss the realities of this case, and the greater issue of when married women eventually start refusing sex with their husbands, which, as I've demonstrated countless times before, is exactly what women are biologically wired to do.
1. As I've always said, monogamy begins to fail at around three years.
Would you like to guess how many years this woman was married? Do you think it was under three years or over? Take a wild fucking guess.
If you guessed more than three years, of course you're right. They've been married five years.
Now think about this. When they were married just three months, do you think she was coming up with all these excuses to not have sex? How about when they were dating during NRE, while not married and not living together? Do you honestly think she was refusing sex with him because she was too drunk or had to watch a Friends rerun?
Of course not. She was getting pounded by his cock non-stop and loving every minute of it. He thought he had hit the jackpot with such an amazing, high sex drive girl. But once they both introduced long-term Disney monogamy into the mix, they sealed their sexual doom. They placed a three-year timer on frequent sex. Then it was only a matter of time before sex with her husband went from exciting and fun to ew-icky.
Another question to consider. When these two finally get divorced (and they will), when she quickly scoops up a new boyfriend, will she be making excuses to get out of sex with him?
Of course not. That's because...
2. Her excuses are not the actual excuses.
Monogamous women married longer than three years are absolute wizards at coming up with creative and real-sounding excuses to get out of ew-icky sex with their husbands. With the possible exception of when she was sick, not one of the excuses in the spreadsheet was her real excuse. Not one.
In all cases, her real excuse was the following:
"Since I have been living-together monogamous with you for well past three years, I am now sexually bored with you and don't enjoy sex with you any more. I still love you, but I don't want to fuck you any more. It's ew-icky now. So please stop asking me for sex. You're annoying me."
Married women know they can't say that, since it places all the responsibility on them, and sometimes they don't even know exactly why they don't want to fuck their husbands any more. So instead they come up with excuses like they're "too tired" or "feel gross" or "you didn't take the trash out last night" or whatever, which deflects the responsibly for their new sexual boredom away from the real reason they don't want to have sex. Which is that they simply don't want to have sex (with him).
3. She lives in a married-woman bubble where not having sex with your husband is normal and proper.
Many people reading this story were surprised that she was surprised that people attacked her for posting her husband's spreadsheet. I was not.
Her attitude was, "Hey, we had sex three times in 27 days! That's pretty good! And he's still complaining?!?"
If you've never been married to a woman, that probably sounds insane. Which it is. As a man who has been married, works with married men every day, and whose family and social circle is filled with married guys, allow me to explain exactly how this woman logic works. I don't normally talk about when I was married since it was so long ago, but this story will illustrate how mono-married women create these bizarre non-sexual bubbles for themselves, and reinforce them with other married women.
Way back when I was monogamously married, she and I usually had sex once a week, three weeks a month. She excluded her period week because she, say it with me, "felt gross". (Of course when we were dating and first married she had no problem with fucking on her period and we did it all the time.) As I'm sure you can imagine, three times a month was not enough for me at all. Every man is different, but personally I need sex at least three or four times a week for maximum happiness.
Confused at my frustration, she did what most women do: she talked to several of her girlfriends to get their opinions. All of these girlfriends were also married, and had also been married for longer than three years.
The response from all of them was "You fuck him three times A MONTH? Oh my god! I have sex with my husband like once every FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS! You're giving it to him three times a month and he's still complaining??? He should be thankful!!!"
I'm not exaggerating. That's exactly what they said.
So, reinforced and reinvigorated by the Married Sisterhood, she would get off the phone and then go tell me that I should have been "thankful" I was getting it "three times a month" when most other married guys like me weren't getting sex nearly as often. (Ah, monogamy.)
That's how this works, folks. Post-three-year married women get bored with having sex with their own husbands, then band together with other post-three-year married women in frigid solidarity. That's why this spreadsheet poster was shocked, shocked! when people turned against her. Most women online defending this woman were also post-three-year married women not having sex with their husbands either.
Is it any wonder why married men cheat so much? Is it any wonder why the divorce rates continue to climb?
This is a very serious issue, so we need to be as fact-based and objective as possible. The Societal Programming involved in pushing monogamous marriage on the populace is gargantuan. As a result, when things like this are discussed, once the teasing dies down, normal SP-brainwashed people either snort and say it's "no big deal" or puff out their chests and say "that won't happen to me."
So let's take this step-by-step and discuss the realities of this case, and the greater issue of when married women eventually start refusing sex with their husbands, which, as I've demonstrated countless times before, is exactly what women are biologically wired to do.
1. As I've always said, monogamy begins to fail at around three years.
Would you like to guess how many years this woman was married? Do you think it was under three years or over? Take a wild fucking guess.
If you guessed more than three years, of course you're right. They've been married five years.
Now think about this. When they were married just three months, do you think she was coming up with all these excuses to not have sex? How about when they were dating during NRE, while not married and not living together? Do you honestly think she was refusing sex with him because she was too drunk or had to watch a Friends rerun?
Of course not. She was getting pounded by his cock non-stop and loving every minute of it. He thought he had hit the jackpot with such an amazing, high sex drive girl. But once they both introduced long-term Disney monogamy into the mix, they sealed their sexual doom. They placed a three-year timer on frequent sex. Then it was only a matter of time before sex with her husband went from exciting and fun to ew-icky.
Another question to consider. When these two finally get divorced (and they will), when she quickly scoops up a new boyfriend, will she be making excuses to get out of sex with him?
Of course not. That's because...
2. Her excuses are not the actual excuses.
Monogamous women married longer than three years are absolute wizards at coming up with creative and real-sounding excuses to get out of ew-icky sex with their husbands. With the possible exception of when she was sick, not one of the excuses in the spreadsheet was her real excuse. Not one.
In all cases, her real excuse was the following:
"Since I have been living-together monogamous with you for well past three years, I am now sexually bored with you and don't enjoy sex with you any more. I still love you, but I don't want to fuck you any more. It's ew-icky now. So please stop asking me for sex. You're annoying me."
Married women know they can't say that, since it places all the responsibility on them, and sometimes they don't even know exactly why they don't want to fuck their husbands any more. So instead they come up with excuses like they're "too tired" or "feel gross" or "you didn't take the trash out last night" or whatever, which deflects the responsibly for their new sexual boredom away from the real reason they don't want to have sex. Which is that they simply don't want to have sex (with him).
3. She lives in a married-woman bubble where not having sex with your husband is normal and proper.
Many people reading this story were surprised that she was surprised that people attacked her for posting her husband's spreadsheet. I was not.
Her attitude was, "Hey, we had sex three times in 27 days! That's pretty good! And he's still complaining?!?"
If you've never been married to a woman, that probably sounds insane. Which it is. As a man who has been married, works with married men every day, and whose family and social circle is filled with married guys, allow me to explain exactly how this woman logic works. I don't normally talk about when I was married since it was so long ago, but this story will illustrate how mono-married women create these bizarre non-sexual bubbles for themselves, and reinforce them with other married women.
Way back when I was monogamously married, she and I usually had sex once a week, three weeks a month. She excluded her period week because she, say it with me, "felt gross". (Of course when we were dating and first married she had no problem with fucking on her period and we did it all the time.) As I'm sure you can imagine, three times a month was not enough for me at all. Every man is different, but personally I need sex at least three or four times a week for maximum happiness.
Confused at my frustration, she did what most women do: she talked to several of her girlfriends to get their opinions. All of these girlfriends were also married, and had also been married for longer than three years.
The response from all of them was "You fuck him three times A MONTH? Oh my god! I have sex with my husband like once every FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS! You're giving it to him three times a month and he's still complaining??? He should be thankful!!!"
I'm not exaggerating. That's exactly what they said.
So, reinforced and reinvigorated by the Married Sisterhood, she would get off the phone and then go tell me that I should have been "thankful" I was getting it "three times a month" when most other married guys like me weren't getting sex nearly as often. (Ah, monogamy.)
That's how this works, folks. Post-three-year married women get bored with having sex with their own husbands, then band together with other post-three-year married women in frigid solidarity. That's why this spreadsheet poster was shocked, shocked! when people turned against her. Most women online defending this woman were also post-three-year married women not having sex with their husbands either.
Is it any wonder why married men cheat so much? Is it any wonder why the divorce rates continue to climb?
4. The "I'm Not Your Hooker" Speech
The most common reaction of post-three-year married women to men complaining about this kind of thing is a little speech married men know very well. It's the "It's Not My Job To Have Sex With You" Speech, more commonly relayed as the "I'm Not Your Hooker" Speech.
This is when a woman yells at her husband, declaring with righteous, feministy anger that it's not her job to fuck him whenever he's horny. I'm not your hooker. I'm not your whore. That's not my job. I'm A Woman Dammit™ and I Work Hard™. What the hell do you think I am? Your slave?
Every man who has been in a monogamous, live-in relationship or marriage longer than three or four years has been given this speech multiple times. Just look at all the mono-married men reading this blog post right now, nodding their heads and laughing in agreement. I have even described this speech on forums when talking to married women, only to actually receive the very speech a few posts later. Her: "I'm not his hooker!" Me: "I just told you a few posts above that you'd say that."
There's just one problem with the I'm Not Your Hooker Speech. If you're a woman who:
A) Wants to stay married and
B) Doesn't want your husband cheating on you
...then guess what, sweetie? It IS your job to fuck him when he wants. Yes, you heard me right. Unless you want him leaving you or cheating on you, it's your job, duty, and responsibility to fuck him when he needs to get fucked, and do it well. If you don't care if you get divorced, or don't mind if he fucks other women on the side, then go right ahead and be a Strong Independent Woman™ and restrict sex from him all you like.
"Excuse me you fucking misogynist, but I'm not his hooker! That's not my job! What is he? A fucking child? He can't wait until Friday to have sex? He has porn and he knows how to masturbate. He can fucking wait. I'm not his whore." Okay, then. Keep on making excuses and telling him no and when you catch him cheating on you or when you're spending thousands of dollars you don't have in divorce court, I'll smile and say I told you so.
5. Yes, sometimes the husband does share some of the blame.
As I said above, we have to be objective here. While female biology is usually the cause of this phenomenon, I must state for the record that sometimes the husband does share some blame for this.
Sometimes husbands get fat and lazy. Sometimes husbands ignore their wives, take them for granted, and make them feel like shit. Sometimes it's the wife who is horny and the husband who doesn't want sex, though this is usually not the case; statistically it's overwhelmingly the wife refusing sex, not the husband. Any post-three-year marriage where the wife is badgering the husband for sex and the husband is always saying no is an exception to the rule.
So yes, sometimes the man is to blame. However I'm going to be clear and say this problem is usually NOT because of anything the man is doing or not doing. It's because women are biologically wired to get bored with a monogamous live-in partner after about three years, as science and statistics have repeatedly shown.
That being said, you don't want to be the one to blame for this. This is why I have repeatedly admonished men to stay attractive and active, even as you age, and even if you move in with a woman, and to treat women well when you are in any sort of sexual relationship with them.
6. Everyone says it won't happen to them.
Unmarried women love to brag that "they're not like this" and "would never do that." They brag that they "love sex" and that they'll "always" want to fuck their man, even ten and twenty years later.
Never-married beta males and Alpha Male 1.0s love to brag that "this won't happen" to them because they'll "screen for a high sex drive wife" and they'll be "be Alpha with her" and "continue to game her during the marriage". Or something.
It happens to everyone (with rare exception), but everyone says it won't happen to them. All the rationalizations and excuses come out when people talk about this issue. And that's the greatest tragedy of this story. Everyone will read it, see how horrible it is, and then the women will think they're not like that, and the men will think it won't happen to them...and the vast majority of people will still get monogamously married anyway.
Then a few years later they'll suffer through the exact same problem this man and woman are having. Then a while later they'll get divorced. Then I'll get the email that I receive so regularly: "I should have listened to you back then Blackdragon...
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
The most common reaction of post-three-year married women to men complaining about this kind of thing is a little speech married men know very well. It's the "It's Not My Job To Have Sex With You" Speech, more commonly relayed as the "I'm Not Your Hooker" Speech.
This is when a woman yells at her husband, declaring with righteous, feministy anger that it's not her job to fuck him whenever he's horny. I'm not your hooker. I'm not your whore. That's not my job. I'm A Woman Dammit™ and I Work Hard™. What the hell do you think I am? Your slave?
Every man who has been in a monogamous, live-in relationship or marriage longer than three or four years has been given this speech multiple times. Just look at all the mono-married men reading this blog post right now, nodding their heads and laughing in agreement. I have even described this speech on forums when talking to married women, only to actually receive the very speech a few posts later. Her: "I'm not his hooker!" Me: "I just told you a few posts above that you'd say that."
There's just one problem with the I'm Not Your Hooker Speech. If you're a woman who:
A) Wants to stay married and
B) Doesn't want your husband cheating on you
...then guess what, sweetie? It IS your job to fuck him when he wants. Yes, you heard me right. Unless you want him leaving you or cheating on you, it's your job, duty, and responsibility to fuck him when he needs to get fucked, and do it well. If you don't care if you get divorced, or don't mind if he fucks other women on the side, then go right ahead and be a Strong Independent Woman™ and restrict sex from him all you like.
"Excuse me you fucking misogynist, but I'm not his hooker! That's not my job! What is he? A fucking child? He can't wait until Friday to have sex? He has porn and he knows how to masturbate. He can fucking wait. I'm not his whore." Okay, then. Keep on making excuses and telling him no and when you catch him cheating on you or when you're spending thousands of dollars you don't have in divorce court, I'll smile and say I told you so.
5. Yes, sometimes the husband does share some of the blame.
As I said above, we have to be objective here. While female biology is usually the cause of this phenomenon, I must state for the record that sometimes the husband does share some blame for this.
Sometimes husbands get fat and lazy. Sometimes husbands ignore their wives, take them for granted, and make them feel like shit. Sometimes it's the wife who is horny and the husband who doesn't want sex, though this is usually not the case; statistically it's overwhelmingly the wife refusing sex, not the husband. Any post-three-year marriage where the wife is badgering the husband for sex and the husband is always saying no is an exception to the rule.
So yes, sometimes the man is to blame. However I'm going to be clear and say this problem is usually NOT because of anything the man is doing or not doing. It's because women are biologically wired to get bored with a monogamous live-in partner after about three years, as science and statistics have repeatedly shown.
That being said, you don't want to be the one to blame for this. This is why I have repeatedly admonished men to stay attractive and active, even as you age, and even if you move in with a woman, and to treat women well when you are in any sort of sexual relationship with them.
6. Everyone says it won't happen to them.
Unmarried women love to brag that "they're not like this" and "would never do that." They brag that they "love sex" and that they'll "always" want to fuck their man, even ten and twenty years later.
Never-married beta males and Alpha Male 1.0s love to brag that "this won't happen" to them because they'll "screen for a high sex drive wife" and they'll be "be Alpha with her" and "continue to game her during the marriage". Or something.
It happens to everyone (with rare exception), but everyone says it won't happen to them. All the rationalizations and excuses come out when people talk about this issue. And that's the greatest tragedy of this story. Everyone will read it, see how horrible it is, and then the women will think they're not like that, and the men will think it won't happen to them...and the vast majority of people will still get monogamously married anyway.
Then a few years later they'll suffer through the exact same problem this man and woman are having. Then a while later they'll get divorced. Then I'll get the email that I receive so regularly: "I should have listened to you back then Blackdragon...
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.