Single Mothers and Gender Myopia
Once again we leap into the realm of gender myopia! It’s that bizarre condition where women confuse traits that are attractive to women for those that are attractive to men. The end result is a bunch of women bragging about things they think will turn men on, when in fact they are the exact things that turn men off.
Last time it was about the “benefits” of dating a strong, jaded, resentful, dominant, older woman who wants you to buy her dinner. This time it’s about single mothers.
Let me be very clear before I tear this person apart: I love single mothers. To wit,
- After going back through my spreadsheets, I was not surprised to find that 50% of every woman I have ever had sex with was a single mother.
- I once married a single mother and made her son my own.
- Years later after my divorce, I fell madly and deeply in love with another single mother. It was good.
- I have had many strong MLTR relationships with single mothers and will continue to do so.
- Many other FBs and MLTRs I’ve had/have became single mothers while I was seeing them (with other men’s babies of course; because I’m not a moron) and it was totally fine with me.
- I never “screen out” single mothers.
- I would happily consider a single mother for OLTR status (as long as she qualified on everything else).
While there are pros and cons to everything, I think when you add everything up, single mothers are generally no better and no worse than women with no kids. I speak as a very outcome independent, non-screening, 41 year old man, however. If you’re a younger guy or a man who is on a mission for that Perfect Woman™, you may disagree with me. Regardless, I think dating a single mother is fine as long as you follow all the usual relationship rules.
The actual pros and cons of single mothers should probably be a we should have on this blog, but not today.
No, today we have to deal with this delusional, guilty person over at eHarmony who wrote about “15 Reasons To Date A Single Mom”. Oh, lordy. You can just tell from the title that you’re going to get rational, factual, well-researched, objective, accurate points. Dalrock and Captain Capitalism have already taken a look at this. Let us also dip our bucket into this well and see what we come up with…
1. She’s no wimp. Single moms are tough and independent.
Classic, classic gender myopia. This is why I know with 100% certainty this article was written by a woman. She thinks “tough and independent” are qualities that attract men to women. Do they? How many single men do you know who are fantasizing about getting a “tough and independent” girlfriend or wife?
2. She’s already a great mom. (And weren’t you looking for someone who would be a great mother? Look no further!)
In my experience, and I have a hell of lot of it with single mothers, most single moms are not good mothers. Even if they are genuinely good people and mean well, the lack of a father to help raise and discipline the child takes a huge toll on these women, and they tend to take it out on their children more than anyone else.
If the single mother has a son, this is even worse, since she’ll raise him with all kinds of biased feminine BS that will damage him greatly as an adult man. I really, really feel sorry for little boys raised by single mothers who stay without a long-term male lover.
3. She’s incredibly patient, but doesn’t have a lot of tolerance for bad behavior. She’ll be good for you.
This makes absolutely no sense. And how does this benefit a man?
4. She doesn’t play games. She doesn’t have time to just fool around. She takes her relationships seriously.
But what if a man wants to fool around before deciding to get serious with her? Do these women think it’s a great idea to make all kinds of commitments to each other and then start having sex?
Her desire to “not just fool around” has reduced her odds of finding a high-quality, masculine man who will love her, not raised them. (Gender myopia!)
5. She’ll only keep you around if the relationship is a good thing for both her and her kids. You won’t have to guess if she’s into you.
Um, this is a massive negative for man, not a positive.
6. Single moms are easy to pamper. (They don’t get breaks very often. Hint, hint.)
I actually agree with this one. One of the benefits of single mothers is that their standards in terms of “quality time” with a man tend to be lower. The fact she has to find babysitting for the kid every time she wants to go out means a lot more “dates” with her where you are just going over to her place for a quiet (and inexpensive) evening. Good.
7. She’s loyal — and is fiercely protective of her little brood.
As Dalrock already noted on his blog, the fact she bailed on her father means she’s disloyal, not loyal.
And are you implying married mothers aren’t fiercely protective of their children? Hmm…
8. She can articulate what she wants and needs from a relationship.
And a childless woman can’t?
9. Single moms are both practical and fun. There’s no room for diva behavior.
What? Are fucking kidding me?
Go on 10 first dates with 10 women who are single mothers, especially pretty ones, and/or especially those over age 33, then come back and tell me they don’t have “room for diva behavior”.
10. She’s no longer a party girl, but a fun night out is still very welcome.
Yep! She’s fucked all those other guys with no strings attached! Now you get to be her beta provider and help pay to raise that kid of hers! Yay!
Another huge negative for a man spun as a positive.
11. She’s selfless. Single moms put others’ needs before their own.
Wrong. She puts her children’s needs before her own. More importantly for a man, she’ll put her children’s needs before HIS needs. Every single time. With a childless woman, you don’t have this problem.
Once again, a negative spun as a positive.
12. Moms make the best lasagna and give the best back rubs.
Are you convinced this writer is a woman yet?
13. You’ll get to take part in adventures to amusement parks, the zoo and the park. Bonus: You’ll have an excuse to play with toys.
It’s true that a percentage of men out there do actually like doing this stuff. Many don’t however.
14. She’s adaptable. She knows that life doesn’t always go as planned and has learned how to make the best of it.
As I’ve described before, all women are highly adaptable to pain and suffering, not just single mothers.
15. Single moms can do it all, but are super-appreciative of a helping hand. Woo her with kindness and acts of service.
Um…this is a positive for a man, how? How is this even relevant to a list of advantages of single mothers for men?
Let’s do a final tally. Of the above 15 “advantages”:
- 3 are completely false.
- 3 are negatives for men, not positives. (Negatives that don’t occur as often with childless women.)
- 3 are gender myopia, things that women think are attractive to men that actually turn men off.
- 5 are either irrelevant, nonsensical, or neutral (neither advantages or disadvantages)
- 1 is a real advantage.
So “15 advantages” are actually one advantage.
Well done, eHarmony. Razor sharp analysis. Keep up the good work.