Divorced Men Shouldn’t Give Marital Advice
There is a very clear reason why I don’t give advice to men in monogamous relationships, and why I don’t give marital advice (unless it’s about how to convert a mono marriage to an open one, or to convince a guy to divorce his wife ASAP). The reason is simple: I don’t do monogamy, so I have no business giving advice about it. This is also why I don’t give advice on things like club game, auto repair, or geology. I have no track record of success in these areas, so I keep my mouth shut about them.
Simple concept? I guess not. Apparently this level of logic isn’t very common. Exhibit A is right here, an article that allegedly has received over 2 million views from various reprints. It’s written by a spiritual Tony Robbins type who just got divorced, and is now giving advice to married men on how to not get divorced. Does that sound just a little odd to you?
Oh dear. The beta is strong with this one. Let’s examine what Mr. Zero Credibility In What He’s Talking About says about marital longevity and bliss:
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted.
That’s fine advice. The challenge is when you keep doing this but the woman starts taking YOU for granted anyway. Then what do you do?
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART.
Um…doesn’t that contradict what you just said, Mr. Zero Credibility?
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.
How the hell do you do this? Love is not something under your direct control, so how do you “decide” to fall in love?
Disney, airy-fairy bullshit.
(No wonder women are eating this article up.)
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her.
That’s fine, but what if she gains weight, chops off her long hair, starts getting bitchy for no discernible reason, and drastically reduces her frequency of sex with you? Which is what the vast majority of western women do once you marry them, because that’s what they’re biologically wired and societally conditioned to do.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER
That’s absolutely right, but then he says,
your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
What the…fuck? Love her even if she becomes something you never loved and never wanted? Again, Mr. Zero Credibility, how the hell does one do that?
If, when you married her, she was beautiful, nice, and sexual, and several years later she becomes ugly, bitchy, and hates sex, hey, no problem, just love her whether you wanted that or not.
And we’re only on item number five of twenty items, folks.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness
Okay, finally something accurate.
I guess one out of six isn’t so bad.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If you get frustrated or angry
Change the word “never” to “usually don’t”, and then you’re right. Generally this is accurate. Usually if you’re upset at a woman, it probably is your fault.
But if your wife overdrafts your checking account by $600 on purpose, or has an affair with your brother, or does drugs in front of your children (all real things wives have done), then yeah, it is appropriate to get angry at her.
In my world, such anger would be short-lived however. Instead of screaming at her forever like most husbands would do, I’d be out of the house within 24 hours, she’d get served with divorce papers within 48 hours, and I’d be having sex with a new woman within 72 hours. I’m speaking literally here.
8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok.
Oh yes, that’s right Mr. Beta. When she’s screaming at you at the top of her lungs and calling you an asshole, you just need to hold her and let her “be”. Uh huh.
DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere.
Haha. (I’m still laughing.) Ohhhh yes. It’s your job to sit there like a man and take her abuse. A real man is his wife’s emotional punching bag. It’s your “job” to be screamed at, insulted, belittled, and even violently attacked. Hey, just let her be.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh.
Agree, as long as you don’t lose your frame. We’re two for nine so far. Not doing too well so far, Mr. Zero Credibility.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY
No, fill her pussy every day, preferably several times a day (until she reaches the three-year mark and starts giving you excuses about how she’s “too tired to have sex today”).
Making her feel cherished is fine, as long as you also make her feel ravished. Both are important, ravished more so.
And forget this “every day” stuff. More Disney bullshit.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul.
Actually, better advice would be exactly the opposite: Have a Mission…one that has nothing whatsoever to do with her. Men like that maintain attraction from their women/GFs/wives much longer and with far less effort than beta males who constantly fawn over their female partners.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY
Agree, as I just stated above.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT
Such erudite wisdom. Solomon himself would be humbled.
14) GIVE HER SPACE
In my world, that’s a constant given. I don’t ever have to “try to remember” to give a woman “space”, because she always has her space from me, regardless of how serious or in love we become.
15) BE VULNERABLE
Beta language for “be a pussy” and “be submissive” and “be a girl”.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT
Ha! Oh hell yeah! That always works! “Honey, I really want to cum inside your niece’s mouth.”
Yes, I’m sure your wife would love to know all of your societally unacceptable male sexual desires. It will strengthen your relationship and bring her closer to you.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER
What if she doesn’t want to grow?
And before you answer that, Mr. Zero Credibility, remember you just said a minute ago not to try to change her.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY
Are you fucking insane?
Isn’t “money” one of the top two reasons for divorce?
But hey, just don’t worry about it.
No wonder this guy got divorced.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY
Don’t forgive. NEXT.
Nexts make forgiveness irrelevant.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
Disney Narnia Cinderella. Prince Charming Snow White. And unicorns. Problem solved!
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after.
Correct. That’s why you got divorced.
It’s about work.
Yeah! That’s right! Fuck all that “happiness” and “fulfillment” stuff. It’s about WORK! Being happy is for single people! You’re married now! Time to stop being happy and doing what you want, and get to WORK!
Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
A second marriage? To a successful good-looking high-powered man? Yeah, that “amount of time” will be about 7-10 years, at most. Let’s see if I’m right.
Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
Yes, the type of husband who hands over the money and takes out the trash when ordered and serves her breakfast in bed. I do indeed hear married women brag about that kind of “man” all the time, before they divorce them…