The Double Standard Regarding Age Difference In Relationships
I saw this on my Facebook feed the other day. An over-30 woman had it up there and she thought it was great. So did all the over-30 women commenting on it.
I wonder what would have happened if I had put up the exact same thing except with the genders reversed. Do you think all those same over-30 women would have liked that? Do you think I’d get lots of positive, supportive comments these women?
This age difference thing is the most insane, hypocritical position women hold. It’s okay for them to sleep with much younger people. That’s empowering and fun. But if men sleep with much younger people it’s insulting and sick.
I am now going to demonstrate why this is, using your own brain as a teaching tool. Ready?
Take a deep breath and clear your mind for a minute.
Mind clear? Okay.
You see a 40 year-old woman with a 20 year-old man as a couple. How do you feel about that?
Okay. Clear your mind again.
Mind clear? Okay.
Now you see a 40 year-old man with a 20 year-old woman as a couple. How do you feel about that?
See the difference you feel in your mind and body with those two circumstances? All I did was swap the gender of the couple and kept everything else the same. Pretty amazing isn’t it? That’s Societal Programming. It’s very powerful.
I have the very unique position of having been on both sides of that equation. In my early twenties, I used to date much older women. For example, when I was 22 I dated a woman in her mid forties. I dated a woman in her mid 30’s shortly after that, and we were pretty serious. Shortly after that, I married a woman six years older than me.
Fast forward twenty years. I’m now 41. While I do date women my own age, I also date women as young as 18-23 all the time.
So I’m uniquely qualified to talk about the double standard people have regarding gender bias in “May December” relationships.
Clear your mind again and picture this…
It’s a large office party at someone’s house. Many people, many couples, some married, some not. One of your female co-workers makes an entrance. She’s 42. The guy on her arm is 20. How do people react?
Well, I used to be that guy, so I’ll tell you exactly how they react. The men largely don’t care…many barely even notice. The other women observing her friend are quietly ecstatic. Very quietly, the 41 year-old woman receives private accolades like “good job!” and “you go girl!”. No one gives her any shit about it. It’s almost 100% positive.
Now take the exact same situation except swap the genders of the couple. Now it’s a 42 year-old guy walking in with a 20 year old gal. Keep everything else in the situation exactly the same. How do people react to this?
I don’t normally go to parties nor do I normally take women, younger or otherwise, when I do. However it has happened once or twice, and I have noticed other men do this, so let me tell you exactly what happens.
As you might imagine, some of the men, not most but some, react with wonder and excitement. One or two of the guys might give the guy a very quiet “alright!”, but that’s about it. The vast majority of the accolades go completely unspoken. Other men react with eye rolls.
Everyone else in the room, men and women alike, react with emotions ranging from anger to jealousy to disgust. People look at the man and say and think “what a pig”, “how shallow!”, “I’ve lost all respect for him now”, and “well, it’s clear what he’s all about!”, etc. People look at the young woman and say and think, “what a slut!”, “god she’s stupid”, “bitch!”, “doesn’t she know she’s being taken advantage of?” and “my god, where are her parents?”
Notice no one was asking about the younger man’s parents or state of mind in the reverse circumstance. And that’s my point.
It’s completely illogical, it’s totally unfair, and it’s typical of the bullshit society mashes into your brain. A lot of it is caused by older women being jealous of younger, nicer, less jaded women. Still more of it is caused by angry and/or repressed married beta males. Still more of it is caused by men with daughters who are mentally placing their own daughter into the situation. On and on it goes.
I need to be fair here and state two things on the other side of the coin:
1. Very rarely have I gotten any shit directly from anyone about the younger women I date, beyond some dirty looks. Though again, I tend to not flaunt these women too much. Also, people these days tend to gossip behind your back more than they actually state things to your face, especially on the west coast where I live. Usually the negative reactions about me are told to other people, and I hear about them later.
2. There are some areas where this kind of thing is more accepted. Guys in Hollywood and Washington DC would probably not get as much negative backlash doing this than a guy in New Hampshire or Kansas.
Regardless, this is one of the most irrational views people hold. Especially considering that women mature faster than men. In many ways, a 40 year-old woman dating a 20 year-old guy is really dating a 17 year-old guy, while a 40 year-old man dating a 20 year-old woman is really dating a 23 year-old woman. Therefore technically society should be much more freaked out about younger men and older women than the reverse. But no, that 40 year-old woman is independent and take-charge, and that 40 year-old man is a pervert. That 20 year-old guy is a fun, lucky guy, and that 20 year-old woman is either an innocent victim being taken advantage of or a gold-digging slut.
Then I see women post something like the above graphic and get cheers from their friends.
Gives me a headache.
UPDATE TO POST 6/23/13: Lovergirl, bless her heart, was kind enough to demonstrate exactly what I’m talking about in the comments. In one comment, she managed to pull out just about every weapon in the irrational arsenal of woman logic when discussing this issue. This includes things like:
– Immediately bring up pedophiles. Which has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic.
– Immediately paint the worst possible scenario, that of a gross old fat bald guy who leaves his poor starving wife with a bunch of screaming children for a younger, hotter, dumber woman. Which has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic.
– Immediately say/imply any man dating a much younger woman is a “pig” suffering from a midlife crisis.
– Using the self-centered “logic” (used so often in politics) that says “Since I don’t want to do it, you shouldn’t be allowed to do it.”
– Imply that shaming men and celebrating women is “equal” because of things that happened decades ago before most of us were even born. It never occurs to these women that “equal” would mean that men and women are equally shamed for doing this, or neither of them are shamed. But hey, logic is painful sometimes.
Thank you Lovergirl, for providing Exhibit A showing exactly what I’m talking about.
Gentlemen, remember all of this next time you see two over-30 women high-fiving each other for dating a much younger man.