Recently I was in the car with a cute 21 year-old gal. We had just had sex for the first time and I was dropping her off at a friend’s house. I pulled up to the house and stopped, and she pointed out her friend’s silhouette in the window. I nodded.
Then she kept on talking about something else. Oddly, she didn’t just get out of the car. She wanted to sit there and keep talking while the engine was still running. I thought this strange but shrugged and just kept talking to her.
Finally she stopped talking, looked at me with her beautiful brown-green eyes and said carefully, “So…are you going to text me?”
Ah, I thought. So that’s what was going on.
Understanding, I took her hand in mine, squeezed it, leaned forward into her gaze and and smiled warmly.
“Of course I will,” I said, “We should hang out again on Friday or early next week.”
I meant it and we did.
A while later I was with my 24 year-old, and while watching a movie at my place one evening she mentioned that she loved being with me but was unsure of our future together, with her desires to have kids and marry someday. I looked her right in the eye and said that as long as she never gives me any drama or demands, I would be with her for the rest of her life, both sexually and as a friend.
I meant every word of it and I will.
(Of course she’s welcome to LSNFTE me any time she likes, and at some point she probably will, but there’s no point in verbalizing any of that. Plus, due to my strongly outcome independent EFA, all the women in my life already know they can “break up” with me any time they like with zero complaints from me.)
Over the last several years, for my MLTRs and FBs, I have done things like:
- Give them business advice and analysis, advice I normally charge (a lot of) money for.
- Take them to hospital appointments and stay with them to provide moral support.
- Cheer them on when taking a critical test at school, or when going on an important job interview, then celebrating with them when they do well.
- Listen to their problems when no one else would, often for a very long time. (As long as they aren’t complaining about me, I don’t consider that drama.)
- Hold them close when they cry (provided it’s a genuine cry about a real problem, not “drama crying”….that shit gets an instant soft next).
- Many other things I’m forgetting about at the moment (but you get the point).
Of course let’s keep this stuff in perspective. I still follow the open relationship rules. I still do not promise or even imply monogamy. I don’t kiss women’s asses or act like their boyfriend. For example,
- I virtually never hang out with an FB or MLTR without having sex. Regular sex is an absolute, unbreakable requirement in all my non-work relationships with women.
- I virtually never spend any money on FBs.
- I often don’t spend any money on MLTRs.
- I never lend women money, ever.
- I don’t promise or even imply monogamy.
- I don’t move women into my house.
- I don’t see any particular woman more than once a week.
However, my point here is even though I’m not these women’s ass-kissing beta AFC boyfriend (nor their overbearing, controlling Needy Alpha boyfriend), that doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I do.
I say “love” as a verb, not a noun. Although I have been in love two or three times in my life, the vast majority of the women in my life, even the MLTRs, I don’t love in the traditional romantic sense.
That doesn’t mean I don’t love them though, love as in the verb. That doesn’t mean I don’t care for them. I do. That doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for them. I do. The MLTRs I do have strong feelings for and have a real connection with. Some MLTRs will vary in how much, but they’ve all got it. The FBs I care for very much as close friends. And as most regular readers know, both my MLTR and FB relationships last a very long time, usually measured in years.
I have always been concerned with with all this seduction, pickup artist, alpha male badass stuff, too many guys tend to lose sight of this. And I realize that I myself may be a contributor to some of this thinking, considering the harsh words I often use at this blog and in other places.
I mean, sure, if you read some of my more harsh blog posts like this one and this one, it might be easy to think that it’s good “relationship technique” to treat women coldly. It isn’t, and as I often have to point out to the naysayers, these women would not stay with me as long as they do, or come back to me as regularly as they do, if I was treating them like complete crap. Being an asshole can work, but it rarely works for very long.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you need to love (the verb) your women because women deserve it just for being women, or because we need to be a bunch of white knight beta male pussies, or because modern feminism is such a great idea, or because we need to be chivalrous like it was the 1950s, or because women will “only get serious” with needy, submissive guys. None of that shit is accurate. Obviously.
Rather, you should love your women because, practically speaking, it’s the best thing to do. If you truly love the women in your life, and do it without acting like their ass-kissing (beta) boyfriend or domineering (Needy Alpha) boyfriend, then…
- They will be nicer to you.
- They will be happier in your presence more often.
- They will place less sexual barriers in front of you during the relationship.
- They will give you less drama. (This to me is the biggest benefit.)
- They will make less demands on your behavior.
- They will tolerate more of your “stupid Alpha Male stuff”, including and especially the fact you still sleep with other women. (This to me is the second biggest benefit.)
- They will stay with you longer.
- They will return to you if they do leave you. And likely keep returning to you.
- They will build a deeper bond and connection with you, in a very good way (for you and her.)
Yes, be an Alpha. No, don’t get monogamous. Don’t compromise who you are just for a failed societal construct. Yes, live your life and focus on your Mission. Yes, have sex with lots of women. But don’t be a complete asshole about it. Be a little bit of a dick, sure, but not a complete a-hole. You know the difference. (If you don’t, watch the Team America definition.)
Love your women.