Sex As We Age
This chart has been flowing around the manosphere lately, graciously created by Razib Khan based on this study. It paints a very sad picture…for men and women both.
Why Women Have Less Sex As They Age
Of course if you’ve been reading my stuff nothing in this chart should be any surprise. Women under 33 have frequent sex. This is because they enjoy it and don’t see it as some kind of defeat, surrender, or violation of self worth.
This changes as a woman crosses age 33 or so. Even though she desires sex more than she did in her teens or 20s, because of false Societal Programming she now views sex outside of a serious relationship as some kind of one-sided compromise, even failure. She feels as if she’s losing something by having sex. The only exception to this is when the sex is under a very specific, pre-approved structure she’s created for herself from Societal Programming, ASD, Disney and Woman Logic.
Women under 33 don’t feel they’re losing anything at all. They want to have sex, they enjoy having sex, so they have sex. It’s that simple.
Increased Sex Drive Is Irrelevant
The most fascinating part about all of this is the old saying about how women reach their sexual peak of pleasure and desire in their mid-thirties tends to be true. As I’ve talked about before, women in their mid-30s and 40s are very, VERY horny. There’s no doubt about that at all.
Often when I talk about under-33 women having more sex (or sex more quickly) than older women, people will often retort with “Oh bullshit, women in their 30s-40s are way hornier!”.
This is true! But that doesn’t take into account the fact that women over 33 place more rules about when it’s “appropriate” for them to have sex. The chart above clearly indicates this. They might be more horny, but they’re having less sex. So the fact that they’re more horny is irrelevant.
Here is one of the unbreakable laws of the universe:
Generally speaking, the older a woman is, the more rules she has regarding when it’s acceptable for her to have sex, largely irrelevant of her sexual desire or attraction for the man in question.
If she’s 19 years old, she’ll have two or three rules. Rules about how the guy can’t be too creepy or weird. That’s about it. Other than that, she’s down for sex (assuming she’s physically attracted to the guy of course).
If she’s 26 years old, she’ll a few more rules. Rules about how discreet she thinks he’ll be, how strong she views him, etc.
By age 38, she’ll have pages and pages of rules. You’d need a god damn table of contents to keep track of them all. Moreover, many of the rules will have absolutely nothing about sex. Assuming you’re not the young hot sixpack guy with no money exception-to-the-rule (which is in itself is a rule in a way), she’ll have rules about the number of dates she needs, what will be done or not done on those dates, the topics he brings up on those dates, how much money is spent on her, the color of his socks, the age or number of his children, how often he calls or texts her, how clean the inside of his car is, on and on and on.
Older women will happily judge the appropriateness of sex with you on the most irrelevant shit you can possibly imagine. That’s even if she is very sexually attracted to you, and even if she has no intention of a deeper relationship with you. If her pages and pages of rules aren’t met, she won’t have sex. She “doesn’t do that any more”.
Have you ever been out on a first date with a woman, and you can tell all she’s doing is going through her “checklist”? I have. It’s insulting. Just about every time, it was with a woman who was over age 33. These women are, very sadly, prisoners of their own rules.
Rules Are Fine – But It’s A Matter Of Degree
Is having rules regarding when you have sex bad? Of course not. I have rules myself. I don’t fault women for having some rules about sex. If a woman has a rule that she doesn’t fuck a man she’s just met, that’s fine. (I don’t try to fuck women on the first date.) And of course condoms should be used, etc.
But if you’re an over 33 woman and you’re going to sexually disqualify a guy you’re already attracted to because he tries to have sex with you on the third date instead of waiting until the fourth date “like a gentleman”, or because you think he wears the color green too much (both real reasons I’ve heard over-33’s use to disqualify otherwise attractive men), then sweetie, we’re in stupid zone. You’re just being insane.
Moreover, if you start attacking younger, sex-loving women for taking all those quality men away from your potential market, now you’re really getting insane. Stop it with the insane rules and you’ll get quality guys knocking on your door too.
I don’t fault you for having rules. I fault you for A) having too many rules, and B) having too many irrelevant rules.
Over-33 women won’t deny this. On the contrary, they will spend a lot of time defending these insane rules. As is typical in society, we vehemently defend the very things that make us unhappy.
Why Men Have Less Sex As They Age
I have to be objective here and discuss the men too. Just because women are fucking this up badly doesn’t mean men are exempt from criticism on this issue.
As you can see from the graph, men in their 30s have just as much sex as they did in their mid to late 20s. Very nice. Good job, men.
However, we can’t look at this graph and instantly see some kind of major victory for older guys. As clearly shown, as soon as men hit their 40s there is a sharp decline in sexual activity, and this decline is even sharper in the 50s.
Why is this? There are many reasons, but I’ll give you the biggest one:
For most men, the 40s is when the gradual process of societal and feminine betaization is complete. Your 40s is time to “grow up” and “settle down” and “stop being selfish”, put your balls in your wife’s purse, follow her orders, stop having as much sex (because, c’mon, sex is for “young people”), mow the lawn, and start stressing out about things like your retirement and the crap the neighbor kids leave on your driveway.
(This is until she divorces you, of course. Then you’ll have even bigger problems. But that won’t happen to you because You’ve Fucked A Lot Of Girls™ so you Know What You’re Doing™ and your wife is Not Like That™ because She’s Not Like The Rest™. Yeah yeah. I know.)
So your frequency of sex drops like a stone. Along with your testosterone, health, self-esteem, happiness, motivation, and zest for life.
The vast, vast majority of men I know in their mid-40s are not necessarily miserable, but they’re married, tired, unmotivated, complaining all the time, and their greatest source of joy in life is the rare occasion when the wife “leaves them alone” so they can work on the roof or the car for about an hour.
Yikes. Such a stark difference between that and the motivated, excited guys in their late 20s to mid 30s.
One of my long term goals in life is to keep my health and testosterone levels equivalent to a man age 35…even when I get into my 50s and beyond. I don’t ever want to loose that edge, excitement, and motivation…or the sex! I consider age 35 to be the “optimal” overall age for a man (if there is such a thing). In your mid 30s you’re still decent looking (perhaps even better looking than when you were younger), but you also have a solid foundation for success and confidence in your life, unlike those younger guys. It’s the best of both worlds.
The graph bares this out. Guys in their 30s are getting laid hardcore. So stick with that, even if you’re past your 30s. Just like older women should not be a victim of their insane sex rules, you should not be a victim of laziness or Societal Programming.
Man or woman, your goal should be the exception to that graph, not an example of it.