online dating

I had another “older women good or bad for online seduction” discussion with someone the other day. I decided to show this person empirical evidence of what I was saying. I never read profiles, but just for fun I decided to do two very quick experiments.

The first experiment was to click on five randomly-selected profiles of women in their mid-thirties. My only rule for the random sampling beyond that age group was they had to be somewhat attractive, i.e. the type of woman most men reading these words would bother to send a message to.

I wanted to see how many of these over-33 types would have anything in their profiles that implied or stated any of the following three items:

A. They did not want sex.

B. They expected monogamy and similar commitments up-front.

C. They expected money to be spent on them.

My guess was all or the majority would have at least one of the above in their profiles. Let’s see how I did!

Once I clicked on five cute mid-thirties gals and actually read their profiles, this is what I found. I promise I am being 100% honest and truthful in everything I’m reporting here. All quotes are real, unedited copy-and-pastes from their real profiles with no changes from me.

Random Subject 1, a very hot 36 year-old blonde, said:

HOWEVER….I don’t desire to just date around with multiple people nor am I looking for someone who is looking for that. I’m looking for my couch cuddling, free time spending (when we can), movie watching, hand holding, road tripping, joke cracking, sarcastic but sweet other half. (In no particular order) 😉

Yep. As expected.

By the way, any time you hear a woman of any age talk about how she wants to “cuddle” or wants a “cuddle buddy”, that’s a huge red sign that says “DON’T TRY TO FUCK ME. I DON’T WANT SEX.”

Random Subject 2, another cute blonde, 35 years old, said:

I am looking for an honest intelligent man who knows how to treat a woman. One who knows how to communicate well and doesn’t play any games.

Any man who’s been on a few first dates knows exactly what “knows how to treat a woman” means. (Hint: It has to do with money being spent on her.)

Random Subject 3, a petite, very fit 35 year old, said:

If you have NO interest in possibly starting a relationship….I’m not for you. I have NOTHING against being on here to hook up…thats FUN!!! but I’m looking for a little more than that at this time in my life.

Bingo! What have I said about women over 33? They once loved to fuck guys and get laid just for the enjoyment of sex, but NOT ANY MORE. Once a woman hits the dreaded age 33, sex is only “allowed” under a certain, stringent set of rules called “relationship”. (With the possible exception of the the hot-young-guy-with-no-money loophole I’ve described before.)

Random Subject 4, a long haired 36 year old hottie, said:

Actually, her profile didn’t say anything about those three areas above. Wow! One out of four cool over-33 chicks so far! Can we make it two out of five?

I guess not, since Random Subject 5, a cute 36 year old wearing a bikini in some of her pics said,

I want friendship first. Down the road I want the relationship everyone is jealous of and wants.

Ah yes, that great term, “friends first”. Which as most of us know is more code for “Don’t try to fuck me or I’ll be pissed.” Not to mention her Disney desires about her future relationship with Mr. Perfect.

So out of five totally random profiles, four were essentially telling you, using indirect feminine language, that they are not going to have sex with you, are going to be pissed if you try, and/or you had better spend money on them, and if you’re “lucky”, you can make all kinds of commitments to them and THEN have sex. Maybe.

Four out of five over-33 women. That’s the exact results of my little experiment  Those are the odds you’re dealing with when working with women in this age range online.

But I wasn’t done. In order to be fair and balanced like Fox News (aaaahahahahaha!) I did a second experiment where I randomly selected five cute girls in their mid twenties, specifically age 24 to 26, looking for the same exact three negatives listed above. Again, the girls had to be cute, but that was the only criteria I used. Other than that, they were completely random clicks on my part. They were in the same city as the first five mid-thirties women, so as to keep that variable constant.

What do you think I found? How many mentioned any of those three negatives?

Out of five, zero of them mentioned anything related to the three negatives listed above. Zero. I’m being completely honest. The guy I was trying to prove this to read the profiles as well to verify I wasn’t being biased in my interpretation.

Zero.

To be fair, one of them had one sentence about how she was “tired of players”, but that was it. None of this “don’t try to fuck me” ASD stuff or “you’d better spend money on me” gold digger stuff or “I expect commitment first” Disney stuff.

Mid thirties = four out of five.

Mid twenties = zero out of five.

Which group do you think is the best to message online? You be the judge.

Not sure how much more evidence you need. (Of course, if you think I’m making all of this up, by all means go do this experiment yourself. Just make sure you are acutely aware of the indirect language women tend to use when discussing these topics.)

Update: Some of the comments reminded me of three clarifications I should have made…

1. Of course this is not a scientific sampling. I thought that was obvious. It’s only 10 women. But it is interesting that out of that random 10 I got the results I did. The other guy who disagreed with me read all the same profiles and more or less came to the same conclusion, so as to avoid confirmation bias, which I fully agree I would have been guilty of had I done this alone.

2. I do not “hate” older women. I have dated many of them and still do to this day and love them. I’m saying if your objective is fast sex from meeting women online, you should avoid women over age 33.

3. Yes, older women DO like sex more than younger women (generally speaking). But that’s ONLY when they’re in a regular relationship with a guy (preferably a new relationship) and all their ASD Societal Programming requirements have been met. Women over 33 do love sex more than younger women, but they also have more self-imposed rules about when they’re “allowed” to have sex, thus cancelling out this sexual “benefit”.

15 Comments on “Online Dating Random Sample – Older Women / Younger Women

  1. Hi BD, I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I’ve loved the online dating advice overall but frankly this post is the most retarded I’ve read in a long time. Since when do you draw conclusions based on samples of 5 people ? Have you heard of confirmation bias ? What would you think if I told you this : I’m a vegan, I take 5 random people eating meat, see that 4 of them are in bad shape, and claim “See ? Eating meat is bad for you !”. Then I look at 5 vegans, who all seem healthy, and say “See ? Being a vegan is great !” How freaking dumb is this ?

  2. Dan, BD tried to address the confirmation bias issue by having his friend (who disagreed with the premise) also read the profiles and verify his ratings. The sample size is small, but it’s big enough that the result is statistically significant at p<0.05, as you can check for yourself at http://graphpad.com/quickcalcs/contingency1.cfm. This is a valid result that BD is talking about here.

  3. BD is dead right on this one as usual. My last 2 WD’s were 30 and 22. On the first date the 30 year old gave me a list of reasons why we couldn’t have sex on the 1st date. The 22 year old just said ‘let’s fuck’ on the 1st date. I’m 36 btw.

    Women’s sexual market value plummets after 29 – paradoxically their demands and expectations skyrocket after 29.

  4. Sample #1:
    None of your 3 criteria is met. I wouldnt go as far as saying who likes cuddlling on the couch while watching a movie equals no sex. I do actually like doing these things myself. [0:1]

    Sample #2:
    Gold digger like you said, that’s gonna cost. [1:1]

    Sample #3:
    A draw imho. She is looking for a relationship. So what? I have met 20 yo who also were looking for a relationship. But how do you start one? Right! You end up in bed and see how deep the rabbit hole goes… [1:1]

    Sample #4:
    You conceded [2:1]

    Sample #5:
    Here I have to concede. Sounds like a lot of trouble. [2:2]

    Final score is 2:2, so we have a 50% hit rate in my books. Fox news might not like this unbiased view on the subject me suspects 😛

    ….and better late than too late: Happy birthday BD!

  5. First off, Im 36 and there is nothing like that in my profile. Also, Im quite happy to have sex on a first date IF the guy is attractive to me. I hate wasting time.

    However, by the time women get older we start to realize things about men. Things like that they seem to have less respect for you if you sleep with them too soon and easily (and many, maybe even most DO think this way).

    Now I don’t put in my profile that I want a man who knows how to treat a lady, but that’s definitely something I care about. It doesnt mean he needs to spend vast amounts of money but just enough to show he’s not a clod. Knowing how to treat a woman is about more than spending money its about showing respect. Younger women are secretly wishing for these things too, they just havent developed the ability to ask for what they want yet. Instead all the resentment builds and builds until they get older and come to terms with the fact that men will only give them what they want if they are assertive about it.

    So all your older woman hating is really just not liking the fact that older women have the ability to be more clear on their needs and desires. Some men actually appreciate that, especially when it comes to sex. Younger women want the same things they just havent figured out how to get it yet and unfortunately if you are passive and indirect men ignore your needs.

    Onto the cuddling comments…. I dont know about that because I am loathe to cuddle with any man that’s not giving me regular sex, lol. I only get cuddly when im sexually satisfied. So I dont know if that’s what she really means or not.

    In any case its NOT true that older women want sex less! They want it MORE!! Our sex drives are at a peak in our 30s. That’s been studied and I thought was common knowledge. We just want sex with someone who is passing more tests because we know what we want.

  6. Lovergirl, the point is not that older women want sex less. It’s that older women have a higher list of demands, and you get into the “why” they have these lists, as they have developed methods of handling themselves differently once they’re older. Nothing you said contradicts what is in this article.

    – just wanted to write this because I get sick of seeing Blackdragon come in and explain why user comments a lot of the time reinforce his points

  7. I’ve updated the post to reflect some of the feedback here.

    Dan – It’s not confirmation bias since the guy who disagreed with me read the same profiles, and while he disagreed with me a little on one of the over-33 ones, he completely (though reluctantly) agreed with the overall conclusion. And yes, this is of course not a scientific study or a large enough sample size to fully confirm anything…it was just interesting.

    Maldek – Even if you completely ignore the cuddling thing, sample number one said: “I don’t desire to just date around with multiple people nor am I looking for someone who is looking for that”. That implies a lot more than what it says. Add the cuddling thing on top of that, you have a problem.

    LG – I updated the blog post about your point about older women having higher sex drives. On your other points, they don’t invalidate my point. If she has herself “more figured out” (English translation: more ASD, more Societal Programming), I have no problem with that. The problem is, if a woman who is attracted to me refuses sex on the second date, I don’t really care why she does it. All I know is that she’s doing it, and I will be very sure to avoid her type in the future.

  8. IDK …. unlike you, I do routinely read or at least scan profile text, and I see these kinds of statements from under 30 women routinely. Many times they appear to be added as an addendum after they’ve been on the site for a little while and presumably have gotten a lot of propositional messages.

    BTW, what do you think of women who say they’re only looking for “friends” or “activity partners”? Have you noticed that makes a difference when you actually meet them?

  9. Another funny observation. I’ll have to lookup the profiles of the women in their 50s who fucked me right away and compare.

  10. Ken – My experience when I read younger women’s profiles (which is admittedly rare) is that the negative stuff they have on there revolves around “tired of players” or “tired of being cheated on” or “tired of getting hurt”, etc. None of those things relate to the three negatives I enumerated in the post regarding the over-30s, i.e. they’re (likely) not going to prevent you from getting laid fast.

    On the “friends” thing, I ignore it. I’ve had sex with many women who were looking for “friends”.

    Dennis – Yeah, it would be VERY interesting to compare 50s women with 30s women in this context. I have said before that when a woman turns 50 she tends to start “relaxing” about many things in her life. Sex could be included in that; not sure. I’ve only been with one over-50 woman so I don’t have quite the sample size. 🙂

  11. I like to believe with enough skill and game you could get laid with women in the mid thirties, but than again I don’t date women that much old than me (I’m 32). Women in their thirties do indeed know their bodies better than younger chicks.

    Great read and cool experiment.

    -J

  12. Try being a presentable guy in his 50s. i get hit on endlessly, but they are all old trouts, looking for money, and not sexy at all. And they have the nerve to say they don’t want sex. They’d be lucky any guy wants to sleep with them. Many of them live in rented accommodation and are unemployed. Really appealing. So depressing

  13. Curious about something – is there any evidence (emperical or otherwise) about “once a slut, always a slut” – thinking through divorced woman of a certain age (let’s say 35 to 45) – that were slutty in their youth – have been married, probably have kids and are now back on the dating circuit.

    As stated before – I’m 51 – so even a 30ish woman is 15 to 20 years younger than me. Just curious – mostly to see if anyone answers the question.

  14. Not really. A woman who fucked a lot of guys in her 20s as a single girl, who is then married for 15 years, then is single again at age 40 is not going to go out and fuck a bunch of guys again. She’s (likely) going to have the same ASD I demonstrated above. She’s “a lady now”.

  15. Hey BD, thanks for the reply – that one was interesting to me. Obviously, this is based upon “real life” (or maybe not so obvious), of course moving down the road, it doesn’t really matter – curious more from a perspective of whether she’ll have it bleed over into her life, therefore exposing my kids to her exploits. I keep all mine very separate – kids and whoever I’m dating don’t and won’t mix. But I guess if she is woman that has never had a job and doesn’t have a job even after the fact – will be looking for the next provider and that does bleed over to the kids.

    Just something I was thinking about – thanks again. Still working on getting out of the “what’s she doing” thing. Much better today than it was yesterday, and will be even better tomorrow.

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