Why We Insist On Making First Dates Awkward
I usually like OKTrends, the OKCupid blog. There’s actually some pretty good statistical data over there. The challenge with over-analytical endeavors like that is that it’s easy to overdo it and go into insane mode.
There’s an article right here that one of my gals made me aware of recently. It shows how society actually tries to make first dates awkward and complicated and, knowingly or unknowingly, tries to ensue that you don’t get laid…on a first date, or a second date, or a third, or beyond. It’s called “Best Questions For A First Date”, and boy is it fucked up.
Right off the bat, in the first two sentences, it demonstrates exactly why society makes you (and women!) hate first dates.
First dates are awkward. There is so much you want to know about the person across the table from you, and yet so little you can directly ask.
First of all, first dates are not awkward. First dates are actually one of my most calming activities. Chilling at a fancy quiet bar, asking a woman a few questions, then kicking back and tuning out as she talks for an hour is actually quite relaxing. Especially if she’s pretty and/or has a pleasant voice. The presence of an attractive woman is quite soothing to a marauding manly beast. Just like Anakin told Padme.
After reading the above paragraph, you might be thinking I’m making a joke. I’m not. I’m being 100% serious.
First dates are only awkward if you make them awkward. Of course most people think they’re awkward because Societal Programming, including OKCupid, constantly tells people “First dates are awkward.”
Secondly, there is no such thing as “something you shouldn’t ask” on a first date. There is only asking questions too soon or in an awkward fashion.
Getting to sexual talk is one of my core concepts for first dates. By the end of most of my first dates, I have women talking about men cumming inside them or the do’s and don’ts of blowjobs. This goes for the 19 year-old girls all the way to the 45 year-old corporate vice presidents with masters degrees (back when I used to cold approach women over age 33, that is).
That doesn’t mean at the start of the date I sit down and say “So, do you like to suck cock?” Uh, no. As I’ve talked about before, I start off with simple topics, then quickly segue the conversation into relationships and then sex. Men don’t realize that women LOVE talking about sex…sometimes even as much as actually having sex. And of course Societal Programming does its best to reinforce the falsehood that women are “ladies” who don’t talk about “that kind of stuff” on a first date. Bull. Shit. The number of first dates I’ve been on is well into the triple digits, and women are talking explicit sex with me by the end of the date damn near every time. (Remember also that I limit my first dates to one hour. So it’s not like it takes a long time for them to open up about this. Women love talking about sex.)
Because of its completely false premise, the article goes on to explain how you can ask “safe” and “acceptable” and “appropriate” questions that will somehow magically give you a glimpse into the deeper soul of your first date companion.
For example, if you want to know if the person will have sex on the first date, just ask him/her if they like the taste of beer. Because, according to OKTrend’s data:
Among all our casual topics, whether someone likes the taste of beer is the single best predictor of if he or she has sex on the first date.
Look, as any longtime reader knows, I’m a big fan of statistical data. But Jesus, maybe OKTrends needs to read up on the whole correlation vs. causation thing.
Want to know if that hot gal will be a good long-term match for you? Don’t ask her about her past relationships or about sex! Oh no! That’s “not appropriate” for a first date! Instead OKTrends recommends you should ask her if she likes horror movies. I’m serious. That’s what it recommends. Go read it if you don’t believe me.
This is a core component of the Societal Programming around dating. That somewhere is a master list of Rules For Dating Appropriateness set down by God himself and etched in iron, and that you have to Be A Gentleman™ and do your best to tiptoe around these rules in order to hopefully, maybe, not likely, get laid or find the Woman of Your Dreams™.
And that is why people, especially women but men too, hate first dates. It also contributes to so many people out there having so much trouble dating and getting laid via dates.
If you’re a man, a first date is strictly a mechanism to establish comfort and sexual attraction within the woman as quickly as possible. You are “allowed” to do anything to achieve those two things, whether greater society agrees with them or not. And yes, you must achieve both those things if you want to have sex fast. (Just remember we’re talking about dates here, not things like club game. For example, comfort is much more necessary for fast sex via dates than it is with drunk girls at the club at 2am.)
The structure and technique behind a first date is whatever the hell you want it to be as long as you achieve those two goals. Don’t ever let any societal BS tell you otherwise.