Blackdragon

As you may or may not be aware, women speak a slightly different language than men.  This language, often called “womanese” sounds like English, and uses English words, but often it’s meaning is very different.  Many men are often confused when they assume woman language is equal to English, and take action on that basis, only to get a big steaming bowl of drama for their trouble (or worse, lack of sex).

Today I, Professor Blackdragon, shall assist you in translating this confounding language into normal English, so that you may more easily understand our feminine counterparts.

Obviously I cannot provide you with a comprehensive dictionary of woman language words and phrases…such a tome would be thicker than the Bible.  What I can do is give you some examples so you at least get a feel for woman language, this most imprecise of spoken languages.

Here then is a list of common words, phrases, and sentences in woman language, and their proper translation into normal English.

Woman Language English Translation
“I want a 50/50 relationship.” “I want a 80/20 relationship where I have my way most of the time. I’ll let you have your way on the days when I’m in a good mood.”
“Being single sucks.” or “I didn’t get laid last night, that sucks!” “There is one particular man who I want to have sex with, he won’t have sex with me, and that upsets me.”
“I’ve found the man of my dreams.” “I’m in NRE.”
“I’ve never been so happy in my whole life.” “I’m in NRE.”
“He’s so good in bed.” “I’m in NRE.”
“I will be with you forever.” “I will be with you until you cheat on me or until I get bored with you.”
“You are the most important thing in my life.” “My children are the most important thing in my life.”
“I’m a Christian and I don’t believe in sex before marriage.” “I’ve fucked way too many guys and I’m trying to balance that out by not having sex for a while.”
“I don’t fuck guys on the first date.” “I don’t fuck guys on the first date anymore. I used to and had a great time back then.”
“Relationships are about compromise.” “Please do what I say.”
“I want a romantic man.” “I want a man who spends money on me.”
“I still believe in chivalry.” “I expect many fancy and expensive dates before we have sex.”
“I like the bad boys.” “I’m a drama addict.”
“My husband and I have sex all the time.” “My husband and I have sex a few times a year. I am very self-conscious about being viewed as the typical wife who doesn’t have sex with her husband very often, which is exactly what I am.”
“My husband and I have sex all the time.” Alternate Translation: “I miss being single.”
“I’ve met someone and I’m going to see where it goes.” “I fucked someone else because he got to me first.  I will never see or talk to you again.”
“So…are you still fucking other women?” “I know you’re fucking other women.  Please stop.”
“I work so hard!” “I have no ability to control myself and I blame you for this.”
“If I don’t have kids by age 30 (or 25, or 35) I’m just going to get artificially inseminated.” “At some point I’m going to let some dumbass cum inside me, then I’ll get pregnant, claim it’s an accident and I ‘wasn’t planning on it’, then rejoice with happiness at my new baby (and new child support).”
“Having sex with you is not my job!” “I am not sexually attracted to you any more.”
“I’m not your hooker!” “I am not sexually attracted to you any more.”
“I don’t like doing blowjobs any more.” “I am not sexually attracted to you any more.”
“I’m really tired today.  How about we have sex on Friday instead?” “I am not sexually attracted to you any more.”
“My friend is really cute/hot!” “My friend about a 5 or a 6. She hasn’t dated a guy in a long time and I feel sorry for her.  Please take her out on a date.”
“I quit smoking!” “I haven’t smoked in four days.”
“I don’t feel like you love me.” or “I don’t feel like you value this relationship.” “You’re not conforming to my agenda.  Please start.”
“Oh my god you are SUCH an asshole!” “You really turn me on and that pisses me off.”
“My husband is a good guy / good man / good father / good provider.” “My husband is boring the shit out of me. I need to fuck another man ASAP.”
“This is just sex, okay?” or “You are not allowed to start liking me.” “I want exclusivity and monogamy without having the rules of being someone’s girlfriend.  So you’d better not fuck any other women, buddy.”
“Where is this going?” or “What is this to you?” or “What am I to you?” “You have not asked me to be your girlfriend yet and that disturbs me.  Every other man I’ve dated asked me to his girlfriend by the 2nd or 3rd date.  What the fuck is your problem?  Please get with the program and be my official boyfriend so I can finally relax, stop being nice, and start bossing you around.”
“I would never marry a man who wanted a prenup.” “I want the option of divorcing anyone I want and getting free money for it.”
“Hey, I don’t agree with alimony either.” “I don’t agree with alimony because I am not currently going through a divorce.  If/when that ever happens, I will instantly change my mind and decide that alimony is a very fair, equitable concept.”
“I hate drama.” “I love drama.”
“I’m sassy!” “I’m bitchy often.”
“I love sex.” “I love sex once I’m in an exclusive relationship with a man who’s jumped through all of my many hoops.”  (Women who truly love sex never have to say “I love sex.”)
“I’m independent.” “I’m going to give you a lot of rules if we start dating.”
“Don’t ever talk to me ever again!” “We’ll talk in a week when I’ve calmed down.”
“Till death do us part…” “I’ll be divorcing you in two to seven years.”
“I want a nice guy.” “I’ve fucked too many men lately and I’m feeling a little guilty about it.”
“always” “occasionally”
Examples would be “You always fart on me!” or “I will always love you.”
“never” “occasionally”
Examples: “You never pick up your clothes!” or “I would never have an open relationship.” or “I’ll never talk to that bitch again.”
Note: The two most commonly used words in woman language are “always” and “never”.  Women use these words constantly, especially when they’re upset, complaining, or trying to look cool.  Just replace the words “always” and “never” with the word “occasionally” and you’ll be good to go.

first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, traits of an alpha male

17 Comments on “How To Translate Woman Language Into English

  1. The “womanese phrasebook” is a fine and much-imitated genre of seduction writing, always worthy of further installments. But I’ve noticed, at least in myself, that a man can read these translations and understand them logically, but you don’t really “get” them until you’ve lived through them. A man can understand that “I really like you because you’re so nice and I’m sick of assholes” means “My biological clock is ticking so I’m thinking of settling for a respectable guy who doesn’t really turn me on for a few years”–when it’s said to another man. But when it’s said to me, in the emotional heat of the moment by a woman I love, it often just doesn’t register. I find that I don’t really internalize these translations until I’ve been burned by them once myself. (Thankfully, I haven’t been burned by that particular example, but I’ve often missed the signs that a girl has lost her attraction for me or is testing me.)

  2. Maybe I’m weird, but I don’t have that problem to that extent. Once I know woman language, especially a specific phrase I’ve heard many times, as soon as a woman I care about says it to ME, I will instantly recognize it as BS, er, I mean woman language.

    That being said, I will sometimes temporarily forget women speak a different dating/relationship language. A woman might say something like “I’m thinking about breaking up with you,” and because I’m tired or distracted, I will lazily assume she really means it literally by default. But even then, within a few hours or perhaps the next day I will remember she’s a woman and she really said “I have no intention of breaking up with you whatsoever but I’m upset about a specific behavior so I’m going to give a shit test to see if you will obey me and correct it.” 🙂 Again, just to use an example.

  3. This is awesome and very enlightening, but it begs the question, how do you appreciate people who are so full of shit? I got the same feeling while reading “Practical female psychology for the practical man”, you know how they are, how can you defend them? Is there a double standard applied here? Would you have anything to do with a man like this?

    I would love a post about ‘love’ so I can finally understand wtf is going on.

    “always” “occasionally”
    Examples would be “You always fart on me!” or “I will always love you.”

    This post is a masterpiece!

  4. I find these blogs so entertaining to be honest, I mean seriously?! A while ago I did some research about deceptive indicators, body language or just language… Turns out the words “always”, “never” and “actually” are some of the first indicators of verbal deception and if you think woman are the only ones using this you are solely mistaken! As usual, great and ensightful blog as always BD! Keep up the bad work;)

  5. Turns out the words “always”, “never” and “actually” are some of the first indicators of verbal deception

    That’s right!

    and if you think woman are the only ones using this you are solely mistaken!

    Women aren’t the only ones, but they’re the ones who use them far, far, FAR more often.

  6. Be that as it may, what about those very few woman out there that prefer being direct and saying what they mean? To be honest yeah I’ve used a few of those myself, but more to get out of sticky situations where I just couldn’t bear having the guy get all clingy on me…. But mine was more along the lines of “Its not you its me, I’m just too open for you, I enjoy my freedom… You need someone who wants to be swept off her feet and play playstation all day” translation “Your boring the snot out of me so much so I’m suffercating!”. Though that’s just my rough version, my point is generally I don’t beat around the bush I say just what I think, unless its to a clingy beta, being direct with them is vertually impossible once they have their Disney Wedding planned. So yes we speak womanese, and there’s way more than just those examples but we do have our reasons…

  7. what about those very few woman out there that prefer being direct and saying what they mean? 

    “What about Asian men who are 6’5″????”

    Those women are the rare exception to the rule, and as such the vast majority of men won’t be dating or in relationships with those women, therefore it’s pointless to bring them up.

    To be honest yeah I’ve used a few of those myself

    Thank you for proving my point.

    So yes we speak womanese

    Thank you for proving my point again.

    but we do have our reasons

    Irrelevant.

    “We stab in you the leg with a fork sometimes, but hey, we have our reasons!”

  8. BLACKDRAGON
    I texted her would you mind staying at mine after we go out I want to spend time with you

    She texted I would once I know u a bit better of cors. Do u live on ur own then?

    I texted I share a house but I have my own space ,en suite

    Then she texted back Ok very nice.
    I have a question what are u looking for?

    I replied with I date, i see if I can make a connection. Whatever develops, hope that answers your Q …?

    She tested back with Fair enough well we will find out.

    BLACK DRAGON what is your opinion on the choice of words I used to reply to the Q about what am i looking for?

    Do you feel I have got chance to sleep with her based on what she texted me? If you translate her language into english lol

  9. I texted her would you mind staying at mine after we go out I want to spend time with you

    That’s the most needy text I’ve ever seen. Stop sending women texts like that.

    I replied with I date, i see if I can make a connection. Whatever develops, hope that answers your Q …?

    God. More needy. STOP IT.

    BLACK DRAGON what is your opinion on the choice of words I used to reply to the Q about what am i looking for?

    Needy as fuck. No wonder she was asking you what you were looking for. You were practically pulling those questions out of her. Your frame is very beta.

    Do you feel I have got chance to sleep with her based on what she texted me? If you translate her language into english lol

    You’ve pushed her Make Him Wait button. Now it’s going to be very hard to sleep with her quickly. Read this and stop being such a beta with women.

     

  10. BLACKDRAGON
    Thanks for your advice. I have recommend your blog to many

    Is this frame beta as well this is a message with another gal

    i messaged her saying Netflix pending am just waiting for the green light lol

    She put a green light sign
    I wrote My house or yours
    She messaged back yours

    i think i am finding hard to find the balance of playing it cool not showing to much interest but trying to show am into having sex not relationship if you can show me your other posts that you put up on the blog that would be great to help with the issue

  11. what about those very few woman out there that prefer being direct and saying what they mean? 

    “What about Asian men who are 6’5″????”
    Those women are the rare exception to the rule, and as such the vast majority of men won’t be dating or in relationships with those women, therefore it’s pointless to bring them up.

    Besides, it’s mostly going to be Dominator women, unbearable in and of themselves.

  12. What she says: ANYTHING AND/OR NOTHING AT ALL

    What she means in actual English: Something completely unrelated that has no logical connection at all to what she said.

    Alternate translation: You can’t psychically read minds and sense my emotions?  Sucks to be you.

    That about sums it up in my experience.

  13.  

    “I love sex once I’m in an exclusive relationship with a man who’s jumped through all of my many hoops.”  (Women who truly love sex never have to say “I love sex.”)”

     

    OK, but the very were ASD-free females around get the blame, by your definition. I mean, at least when they “let go”, some will say they love sex, it being the case.

  14. I know this was years ago, but what the hell kind of women do you men date? None of my female friends, coworkers, anyone I have ever met, say any of those things nor do I. I am straight to the point because I don’t want any ambiguity. I can’t read your mind so why would I think you could read mine? I feel like this was compiled by a group of incels because it all looks like a bunch of bs to me, either that or by a bunch of men who treated their significant others poorly (men who have anti social personality disorders). I’m not discounting women, I’m sure there are women out there like this but the fact this is how it is perceived that ALL women are like this is absurd.

    I hate drama and I have met way too many guys who thrive on it. I have “noped” my way out of dates and relationships purely for that reason.

    I don’t fuck guys on the first date. First, I’d say I don’t “have sex with” guys on the first date. Never have and never will. This is also why I make sure I drive myself to our first date so he doesn’t think he’s “getting lucky”.

    Relationships are about compromise. If I don’t have any issues with you playing your video games with friends, then I expect the same in return if I want to go grab coffee with a friend or to the archery range.

    I want a romantic man- who doesn’t? That’s funny because just the other day I told my boyfriend I don’t want any gifts for my birthday. I just want a candle lit dinner (I already bought the food), maybe a nice massage and a bubble bath together. Sad thing is he forgot my bday even though I bought a $300 sexy dress, him new dress clothes, took him out to an extremely fancy expensive dinner, movie, sex, got him a video game and music records he has been collecting for his birthday.

    I believe in chivalry- which only entails exerting effort, not money. Holding a door open for me when I walk into a building is always nice (not required and I don’t make him or even mention it, but I definitely don’t complain if he does it on his own accord).

    “I don’t feel like you love me and don’t feel like you value this relationship”- I have said this. He never put in any effort what so ever. I was always the one to take him out on dates or trips, I was the one who always did everything. He always forgot everything when it had to do with me, whenever I would START having a conversation, like telling a story, he would cut me off a couple of sentences into it and start talking about whatever it was he was thinking unrelated to what I was talking about. It was like he was completely unaware any words were being spoken from my mouth. One time I was in severe pain out of no where during my period where I was crying and he still was trying to have sex with me. Yet when he was in pain from a toothache at 2 in the morning I got out of bed and went to the store to get him pain reliever.

    “you’re such an asshole”: see examples above taken from a very long list.

    ”I’m independent”- I am. I have learned in life you can only rely on yourself. When I get into a relationship, I let him know up front that I like to travel and I usually go by myself but if he ever wants to come along that’s great. I am career focused so I work a lot, but if he ever needs me to take time off I can do that, I’m used to doing everything myself like working on my car. But I don’t want him to feel completely useless so sometimes I’ll ask him for help with things that I’m completely capable of, but I don’t tell him that.

    Too much to list, but this list is definitely biased. Don’t judge the next woman off of the last. Everyone is different. Whole one woman can be completely irrational, another will want to sit down and discuss things like “hey that was a bit hurtful so It’s bothering me. I don’t appreciate you saying that to me” then the guy a knowledges, hopefully learns, and moves on.

    if that’s really how most women are in the list, no wonder everyone I meet says I’m a fresh of breath air or a “unicorn” (I know, cheesy).

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