Keeley Hazell

Nothing serious today.  I’m in the mood for something fun.  Please don’t take anything in this post too seriously.  I’m just playing around.  I’ll get back to the nitty gritty stuff next time.

I’ve often said that female celebrities today are ugly and that true women who look like women is not the look that’s “in” these days.  I complain about this often.

A while ago a friend of mine said I should stop bitching and talk about celebrities who I think are hot. Fair point.  So okay.  I’m going to list the Blackdragon Top 10.

Just to be fair, there are two lists.  One for women hot right now circa 2012, and one for women who are were hot earlier in my lifetime. My only rule for these lists was that the women had to be actual celebrities. There are some ultra-attractive nobody semi-celebrities out there who I find very hot, but you likely wouldn’t know who they are. (I’ll give you a sample: Julie Tawney, Griffen Drew, Tamara Landry.  See?  You have no idea who these women are.)

A small list of honorable mentions follows at the end for hotties who don’t quite fit into either category.

It’s going to be very obvious what kind of women I like, and thus what kind of women I tend to date.  I like women who look like women and have female bodies.  That means long hair, big hips, big asses, and big boobs.  Women with really pretty faces and teeny tiny boobs disgust me.  That means you wont see any supermodels on this list, nor will you see women who look 13 years old like Keira Knightley or Natalie Portman.  Disgusting.

I’m a masculine guy, so I’m attracted to more feminine, womanly features.  Even when I was a virgin in high school I was ignoring the cute sophomore girls and instead checking out my 32 year-old teachers who actually had child-bearing hips.  If that sounds strange from a man who often dates much younger women, it’s not.  I date much younger women who are fully developed.

One more thing…and I can’t believe I have to even say this but based on experience talking to people on the internet I know I have to…I am ranking looks here.  That’s all I’m ranking.  I am not ranking intelligence, personality, style, quality of person, or anything else.  I’m just ranking how these women look.  Capice?

Alright, enough of that.  Let’s do this!

Top Ten Best Looking Celebrity Women Today

Number 10 – Salma Hayek

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Even now, in her mid 40’s, she blows me away.  Her face is not that great, but her body and hair more than make up for it.

Number 9 – Katy Perry

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Like Salma, her face is decent but not amazing (her eyes are too big), but her body, all of it, is amazing.

Number 8 – Ewa Sonnet

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The most obscure woman on this list perhaps, but I couldn’t resist.  She a Polish rock star and proof that a woman can have huge tits and still have a beautiful face.

Number 7 – Scarlett Johansson

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No big surprise here.  This is one of the few times I agree with the public at large, though partially.  Scarlett is extremely hot, no doubt.  Blondes are my hands-down favorite and always will be.  However she shares the same condition as Marilyn Monroe in her day, in that she’s hot, but not nearly as hot as people think.  Yeah, she’s on this list, but notice she only ranks as number seven, not number one or two where most societally-brainwashed guys would put her.  If she looked identical except had A-cup boobies I promise you she wouldn’t have made this list at all.

Number 6 – Eva Mendes

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Again, a gal with an amazing chest, amazing ass, and a face that’s…decent.  In my book, it all starts with the body and ends with the face, not the other way around, so Eva gets high marks.

Number 5 – Kelly Brook

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See, this is how a swimsuit model should look.  She how she actually has boobs and hips?  Kelly’s a woman.  Fuck yeah.

Number 4 – Christina Aguilera

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Okay, now we’re talking.  Christina is my ultimate “trashy-hot” younger chick.  I realize she’s 30 now, but she’ll always be that “younger girl” to me.  Yeah, Britney is hot too, but be honest…who would you actually enjoy more in bed?  Christina would be a wild ride.  If you offered me one celebrity woman to actually have sex with for one night, Christina would probably be my choice.

Number 3 – Keeley Hazell

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And speaking of younger chicks, here’s one of the best looking younger women on the planet.  (Where did all these British big-boobed women come from?  Certainly not London.  Hm.)

Number 2 – Kim Kardashian

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Another one of those rare times I agree with the public at large.  Yeah, she’s a moron.  Yeah, she gets a lot of press. None of that changes the fact that like Angelina Jolie in her time, Kim Kardashian is perhaps the most beautfuil woman in the world (if you like big booties).  Hair, face, lips, eyes, body, eveything…it’s all perfect.  When I see her on video I can’t pull my eyes away from her.  (As long as she doesn’t speak.)

Number 1 – Sofia Vergara

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The first time I watched Modern Family and saw her, I damn near fell out of my chair.  I didn’t realize God still knew how to make women like this.  Sofia is also one of those rare women who look better with age.  If you look back at photos of her in her earlier years, she doesn’t look nearly as hot as she does now (she’s my age, 39). Fucking amazing. Modern Family is one of the few TV shows I watch, and I still hate it because like most television it promotes beta male stereotypes, but Sofia’s in it, so…

Okay, that rounds out the hottest women from today.  Now for some hot chicks from yesterday…

Top Ten Best Looking Celebrity Women From Recent History

Number 10 – Izabella Scorupco circa 1997

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Even when I first saw her in Goldeneye, when her hair as a boring brown, cut short, and most of the movie she wore clothing that made look unattractive, I could still tell there was something…unusally hot about her. No, she’s not as busty as other women on these lists, but she’s so hot, so sexy, so perfect, she’s one of the most beautiful women in history.  Simply insane.

Number 9 – Vivica Fox circa 1997

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I’m not really into black women…but…go watch the 1997 comedy Booty Call.  That’s all I need to say.

Number 8 – Raquel Welch circa just about any time

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She’s a little before my time, but it doesn’t matter.  The first time I ever saw her was when I was in high school during the late 80s, when she was already in her late 40s.  She was on some TV award show and I remember seeing her (remember, I was a teenager and she was in her late 40s) and asking my dad “God damn! Who is that?” Of course my dad knew exactly who she was.  “That’s Raquel Welch!” he said excitedly.  All I could say was “God dayyyyyyyyum!”  Note: The picture on the left is her in the 1960s (yum) but even more amazing is the one the right. It’s her now, at age seventy.  For you guys over 30, look me in the eye and tell me you would not hit that.  Seriously.

Number 7 – Katie “Jordan” Price circa 1998

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Good God.  Fake, trashy and stupid never looked so good.

Number 6 – Lynda Carter circa 1979

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Lynda Carter is in my opinion the best-looking woman in television history.  In her time, she was perfection.

Number 5 – Dolly Parton circa 1985

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Oh, c’mon.  You knew this one was coming.  The most amazing thing about Dolly is that even if you ignore those twin planetoids on her chest, she was still an extremely hot chick.  Rumor has it she’s always maintained a discreet open marriage too.  Hot and realistic….I’m in love.

Number 4 – Britney Spears circa 2001

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Before she went insane, before the drugs, before the pregnancies, before her inner-white-trash took over, Britney was one of those rare gals who ALL men liked, no matter what their “type” was.

Number 3 – Madonna circa 1992

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Madonna is perhaps my all-time personal sex symbol.  I grew up watching her.  Her physical hotness peaked around the early 1990’s.

Number 2 – Pamela Anderson circa 1995

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“Ew!  She’s so fake and plastic!”  Who. Gives. A. Shit.  She’s could very well be hottest woman in history from a purely sexual standpoint.  Peaked sometime between ’93 and ’97, but she’s amazingly still hot even to this day. (However she’s now Hep C-positive, so I would look, but I wouldn’t touch.)

Number 1 – Angelina Jolie circa 2000

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These days she’s so skinny she looks like a heroin addict.  I feel sorry for Brad…he missed his window.  But in her Tomb Raider days, she was a a thing of beauty of historical proportions.  She was the kind of woman you’d expect a Roman emperor to marry.

Honorable Mentions

These are women who are “up there”, but don’t seem to fit anywhere.

Kate Beckinsale

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She’s not blonde, she’s not chesty, she doesn’t have the hips or ass I like, and there’s nothing particularly special about how she looks.  But for some reason I can’t place, I find her extremely hot.  I can’t tell you why.  I just do.  Weird.  She’s one of the few women where I’m attracted to her presence more than her appearance.

Nicki Minaj

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Do I even need to say anything?  Yeah she’s a fuckin’ weirdo.  But…do I even need to say anything?

Denise Milani

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Denise may damn well be the best looking chick in both lists, but I promised there would be no obscure names in the two main lists, so she’s here.  Her only claim to fame is as an internet pinup girl (you can see why). Like Ewa Sonnet, she’s proof that just because a woman has titanic tits, she can still be pretty.  This is a concept Hollywood (and other women) don’t want you to understand.

Whew!  I’m worn out!  At least now, if you’re ever curious about the type of women I like and the types I date, you have a good idea.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go send some texts to my women and get one over to my house ASAP.  I’ve become horny for some reason.

12 Comments on “Top Ten Hottest Female Celebrities

  1. Nice list! Enjoyed reading it and I agree with most (if not all) your assessments, though on Sofia V. I think we completely concur.

    The only one I disagree on enough to say “NO!” is Minaj, dude seriously, she is not that hot. There are so many that would have been more deserving: Christina Hendricks, Carla Gugino, Padma Lakshmi, Charlize Theron, Melinda Clarke, I’d even put up Jane Seymour or Jessica Biel or Jeri Ryan ahead of her in a heartbeat! Hell even Ice-T’s wife – whatsername – Coco, is maddeningly hotter then Minaj and fits the voluptuous bill clearly.

    But then again its all about taste so to each his own!

  2. Jeri Ryan! Oh crap! I completely forgot about her!

    Miss Ryan, I formally apologize for leaving you out of my list. Consider yourself officially added in spirit.

    And yes, I would also add Coco T to the miscellaneous section, again in spirit. She’s the closest thing we have to a real-life Jessica Rabbit.

    Christina Hendricks has the chest I like, but not much else. None of the other women you listed would be anywhere near this list other than perhaps Jane Seymour, who comes close.

    By the way, I consider Jessica Biel one of the ugliest women in Hollywood. Terrible, flat body and a face like a simian.

    But you’re right…each to their own.

  3. perhaps you are unaware of her existence, but in our current year as we speak Stacey Dash looks better than all women on this page except sofia(they’re equals i’d say) and she is 47 years old now.

  4. Oh yes, Stacy Dash is ridiculously hot, and always looks like she’s in high school. Highly approve.

  5. BD, you are soo lucky to live in the US. Even our celebrities here are not THAT pretty. Here 90% of the women online are average or below average. The remaining 10% is extremely unresponsive or flakey. Don’t take it as another impossible-to-get-laid-in-my-country comment because it is not. I am just saying that USA is an infinite spring of hotties.

  6. Hey another I find hot all be it not a big celebrity is Valentina Cervi. She was in True Blood in her late 30s but was hotter than a film she did when she was 19. Also Taylor Swift seems to have filled out more over the last year she now has curves, there is a significant difference between her body now and her body in 2015.

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