When She Asks To Borrow Money
Don’t do it.
There must be something in the water lately. Since January of this year, I’ve had four different women in my life ask me to borrow money. It just happened again this morning.
It’s always some crisis. I always say no. I’m very nice when I do it, but I always say no. Always.
I’ve talked about this topic before when I talk about long-term OLTRs or OLTR marriages, but let me re-state a few basics that apply to ANY romantic or sexual relationship:
1. Never lend a woman money. (I’m talking about women in your sexual and relationship life. Pure platonic business situations might be different.) By the way, putting your credit card authorization on something that she will pay cash for later counts as a loan. I shouldn’t have to say this, but doing things like buying two plane tickets with the understanding she’ll reimburse you for her ticket “later” or when she “gets her paycheck on Friday” is also a loan. God dammit, man up and don’t be a moron. Do NOT let oneitis or horniness allow you to rationalize bullshit yourself as to what is a loan and what isn’t. DON’T LOAN HER MONEY.
2. Never co-sign anything with a woman. Co-signing is equivalent to loaning. Don’t let her convince you otherwise. She’ll try.
3. Sharing is good. Co-owning is bad. Never co-own anything with a woman worth more than about $200. If something is yours and you love her, share it with her unconditionally. Just make sure it’s 100% legally yours, not “both of yours”.
4. Here’s the biggie a lot of you dumbasses fuck up on: Never sign on a lease with a woman. Never never ever. If you live with a woman in a rental situation, HER name is on the lease, or YOUR name is on the lease, not BOTH your names. The same applies to mortgages and purchasing a house. I don’t care if you love her and she loves you and You Know What You’re Doing™ and she’s Not Like The Rest™.
Legally speaking, YOU own the house and mortgage, or SHE owns the house and mortgage. Not both of you. It’s a recipe for disaster and I still cannot believe the sheer number of otherwise intelligent people who still do this. Shit, even when I was married I didn’t do that. It saved my ass in the divorce, let me tell you.
5. Never spend money on a chick in return for a promise for future sex. I just love these idiots who buy a chick a fancy suite and first-class ticket to Vegas with the understanding that she’ll “make it worth his while” once they get there. They’re always shocked and pissed when they get no sex from her in Vegas, or after Vegas (though I’m sure one of the penniless Alphas she met at the club that evening had a good time with her).
If you really want to make an arrangement like that (and you shouldn’t), when some hot chick suggests it, tell her to come directly to your house tomorrow night where you and her will have sex for an hour. Assure her that as soon as you’re both done, you will walk right over to the computer and book two tickets to Vegas. Believe me, you’ll find out really quick how serious she was about her “offer”. (I’ve done similar to this a few times now, and it’s fun to watch the gold-digging bitches squirm when you turn the tables on them.)
Let me tell you something from a guy who’s been around the block a few times. Not only have I been burned in the past by loaning money to females, but I have been burned by women who were very honest and responsible. Loaning money to an irresponsible or immature woman is one thing. Loaning money to an honest responsible one is just as dangerous. Why?
I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet, but most unmarried women under the age of 35 are constantly living crisis to crisis. Her life is fine for a few months, then crisis. When the crisis is over, things are fine again for a few months, then there’s another crisis. Women are very up-and-down dynamic creatrues and they tend to like this sort of lifestyle (I personally would kill myself, but I’m a man, and a rational one at that).
What always happens when you lend a woman money is when she’s supposed to pay you back some new little crisis will arise that will prevent her from doing so. And yeah, yeah, she’ll feel really bad and apologize all over the place, but you still won’t get your money back, or at least not all of it.
I don’t care how smart or mature or organized you think she is. If you loan her money (or any of the equivalents listed above), you’re asking for trouble. The relationship will be negatively effected. Paradoxically, the more you like her, the more important it is to say no to her loan requests.
On top of all that loaning money to her severely damages your Alpha “be attracted to him” frame and moves you over into the provider “he’s boring” frame. If you enjoy sex, happiness, and freedom, provider is not a place you want to be. (Or in this case, be perceived as.)
Moreover, I can tell you two things I’ve observed in my own life when I say no:
1. They never break up with me. I have never lost a woman by saying no to her request to borrow my money. If anything, it solidifies my standing as an Alpha and boosts or maintains her attraction for me.
2. They always find the money some other way. Always.
So when she says her life is going to come to an end unless she gets $180 from you by 3pm today, just smile and sweetly say no. Even if this pisses her off, you and your relationship with her will be better for it.
By the way, if she does ask you, make a mental note of it and don’t forget. If she asks you for more money again some time later, that means she’s entered a negative pattern of behavior, thus it’s time for a next or a downgrade.
If you’re in a relationship with a woman you really like and you want to GIVE her money for whatever reason, go ahead. Nothing wrong with that as long as your frame and EFA are strong. (Though you are still moving over into provider-land, so be aware.) I’m talking about loaning money to a chick and expecting her to pay it back when she promises. It’s not going to happen, and you’ll be pissed.
As they say, “Ask me how I know.”