“How do I segue into sex talk?”
This rates as one of the top ten most common questions guys ask me. It’s one of those things that comes so easily to me that for a long time I was surprised this concept was so difficult for so many guys. So here’s exactly how to do it.
One of the absolute key techniques to getting to sex quickly is sex talk. When I say “sex talk”, I don’t mean dirty talk during sex. I’m talking about you and a woman hanging out, at bar, or on a date, or whatever, and you’re talking about sex in a very good, loins-stirring way.
Men often forget that women LOVE to talk about sex, and many women enjoy talking about sex almost or as much as actually having sex. This is why most women would rather read a romance novel than watch explicit porn (while men are opposite). Sexually, men are visual, but women are emotional.
One of the most important steps to getting to sex quickly is to talk about sex with a woman in a way that A) arouses her, and B) shows her you are a confident, capable, sexual man who does not shy away from these topics. Both of those things are equally critical. Sex talk also has the added advantage of setting a solid sexual EFA with her, which is something you always want to do, even if your endgame goal is to get monogamous with her.
Here’s how to segue the conversation with her into good sex talk:
1. You must have (or at worst, pretend to have) a confident, outcome independent mindset with her. If you think she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever been on a date with, sex talk is not going to work. If she’s the first date you’ve had in six months and you’ve got raging blue balls, it probably also won’t work. You get my point.
2. You must be sexual, not horny. You can’t be (or act like) that guy who is all-consumed with “getting her back to his place”. That’s horny, and believe me, any woman who is about a 5 or more in looks will have had quite enough of that behavior from men by the time she reaches age of 17 or so.
A horny man just wants to fuck. However a sexual man is one who A) clearly has a high sex drive, B) is not embarrassed about that, C) is very skilled in bed, D) will be fucking someone soon if he doesn’t end up doing so with the woman he’s on a date with, and E) views sex as a gift to a woman as well as a source of pleasure for himself. I hope you see the difference between these two men; it’s important.
3. Fluff talk for the first 5 to 15 minutes or so, depending on the venue and the situation. Obviously, if you’re on an actual date or day2 you’re going to have a lot more time to establish rapport and comfort than if you’re standing while talking to her at a club or grocery store. Don’t introduce any big topics right off the bat. Give her a few minutes to relax. If she’s clearly nervous, you’ll have to extend this time.
4. Ask her about her most recent relationship or most recent dating experience. Holy crap, women LOVE talking about this shit. Just ask her “Have you been dating a lot or a little lately?” or “When was your last BIG relationship?”, and just watch her fly into that topic. Keep her talking about that for a few minutes. (It will be easy.)
5. Now, segue the conversation into more sexual contexts. If you’re a more confident and woman-experienced guy, you can just bluntly ask sexual stuff at this point, like “Do you usually cum vaginally or clitorally?” or “Do you like to be on top or something?” That’s what I do and it works fine. If you’re more new at this, then simply ask her a more sexual-based question based on the guy she’s currently talking about. An example would be:
Her: Yeah, we dated for about two months, but I didn’t like him.
Her: Oh, he just…ew!
You: What? He had a really small cock or something?
Her: No, that was okay…
You: He never made you cum?
Her: Ha! I think I came with him like two times the entire time!
Boom! Conversational hook point achieved, and you’re off to the races. Just keep that sexual line of conversation going, and you’re pretty much there.
6. Your body language during sex talk is very important. Do not be horny, do not be nervous, and do not be a douchebag. Horny would be you talking about sex, leaning forward, eyes wide, boner growing in your pants as you’re staring at her. No. Nervous would be you very hesitantly talking about these topics. No. Douchebaggy would be you saying “I bet you like really big cocks,” and then lewdly winking at her. Ugh. No.
Your body language, as always on a first date, first meet, or day2, should be relaxed, leaning back, smiling, speaking as slow as you’re able, a relaxed expression on your face, and with good eye contact.
7. Slowly get as explicit as possible. As I said, most women LOVE talking about sex, so you will be surprised how easy this is once you get the hang of it. If you reach a certain point where it’s clear she’s getting uncomfortable, back off a little, even change the subject if necessary. Then you can hit up the sexual stuff a little later.
8. Do not let the entire date/meetup be talking about sex. That’s a little too weird and would show some horniness or douchebaggery on your part. Talk about sex, do it in a positive way, get as explicit as you can, get her feeling those feelings, and then change the topic. Consider it verbal push-pull (which it is).
Bravely talking to a woman about sex, relationships, and other men she’s dated or fucked without getting jealous, needy, horny, or weird is a powerful sign of confidence and outcome independence and is a key factor in her being attracted to you. I consider it one of the top five most important things you need to do pre-lay.