About two years ago, a female commenter named “Lady” posted a comment on this article I wrote regarding women’s greatest long-term downfall in terms of relationships; the bullshit fantasy of the man who doesn’t exist: the submissive Alpha Male.
Here’s what she said:
I know this is an old post but I feel like I have to bump it. Hopefully I can contribute something helpful. Looking over all these comments, it disturbs me greatly that there are so many men that have been hurt by so many women, so very badly.
My man was once engaged to a girl who denied him any freedom with his friends, only let him put the tip in, occasionally sucked him off but no cumming in the mouth or on her and she eventually cheated on him. However, I would definitely describe him as an Alpha. Maybe he was trying to be beta to keep her (what he thought was) happy? Or maybe he became Alpha later– I did meet him when he was right out of Ranger training.
A woman describing her boyfriend or husband as “Alpha” when he clearly is not is a common trope with women. Even Dominants (and I’m not saying Lady is one) are embarrassed to admit that their boyfriend/husband plays second fiddle to her.
One of my favorite quotes was spoken by an ex-FB many years ago. She was a Dominant married to a beta male (of course), and when we were talking about dominant sex, I pointed out that her beta husband wouldn’t be able to be dominant with her in bed. Her angry, defensive response was, and I quote, “Yes he is! He’s dominant in bed when I tell him to be!”
On a side note: Special Forces men have unbelivAble alpha energy. I feel totally physically safe with him. Upon meeting him, men instantly act like they want his approval. Women of all ages admire him openly (and stare at me with the hate of a thousand hells). The sex is super hot and he absolutely turned me out. **He convinced me to give up my v-card in TWO WEEKS–!** It took several years for his own friends to speak to me in a relaxed way and when we are in public and speak to another man, they will not even LOOK (much less speak) at me. It took me almost 8 years to figure out why, lol. They fear and respect him I guess. Only other alpha males approach me now… Is this a sense all you guys have or something??
What is she describing here? If you answered NRE, you’re right. She’s describing how her relationship was, back at the beginning, and how amazing it was. She is not describing how it is now (even though she uses present tense in some of her sentences).
It would be pretty naive of me to believe that women are less likely to be verbally abusive, emotionally manipulative and unfaithful than men but I suppose that’s what I have thought all of this time.
Yup. We all like to think our gender is better than the other, that most of the problems lie with the other. It’s not that simple. I have blamed women for the evil they do (70-80% of divorces are initiated by the female, three-fourths of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are terminated by the female, divorce rape, alimony, child support, and so on), and I’ve also attacked men regarding how most relationship problems are their fault (due to oneitis, neediness, jealousy and so forth).
There’s a lot of blame to go around. Happiness is about looking at yourself first, fixing yourself first. Then, after that, you can point the finger at the other gender on more solid ground.
IMHO, many of these women probably aren’t even aware of the truly fulfilling attitude of “submission of will and service of heart”. The short version for that is, the woman submits what she wants for what the man wants and serves him with all of her heart. To the ‘modern feminist woman’, I am sure this sounds like the height of ignorance and perhaps blind willfulness.
Only if that makes you happy. Did that make Lady happy? Let’s see…
It would be a lie to say that actively choosing to adopt this attitude is easy. At times, it is an incredibly difficult, pride-swallowing, white hot dagger to the heart.
Nope. It made her unhappy. And it gets worse.
I have been put on the back burner, made agreements with him that were not honored, been called almost every name in the book, accused of things I did not do, insulted without cause and had many of my own talents and desires suppressed because he did not like those things about me. (but I have never been bored!)
Horrible, borderline abusive drama… and she defends it a little at the end, justifying that it’s not boring.
What have I said about women numerous times? That they hate to be BORED. They would rather be in a horribly negative state than be bored. The greatest fear of a woman isn’t drama, or hatred, or anger, or fighting… it’s boredom.
Lady is Exhibit A.
A man can be bored for 20 years and be just fine (it’s not a good thing, but he will be “fine”). A woman wouldn’t be able to handle boredom for six months before she does something to stir shit up (start horrible drama, cheat, quit her job, end a long-term friendship, dump the guy she’s with, or some other sharp disruption to her life).
Once again, I chose to accept this treatment. I maybe chose it without fully knowing the consequences of my choice, but I own that choice.
Of course. Because it wasn’t boring.
Having said that, I have and do stand up to him on a regular basis. I will no longer allow him to degrade me or insult me. I work on improving myself and giving him the respect he deserves for his sacrifice of working hard and paying our expenses. If he ever cheats on me it is over, no second chances on that one…and I have learned so much about myself and who I am.
You’ll see what I said to her in a moment about that cheating part.
IE: I would never, ever be satisfied being with a beta or omega male.
Right. Because that would be boring. Her high-drama asshole husband is horrible, but at least he’s not boring.
I am considered a ‘top quality wife’ (by my husband and his braver friends lol) I am not perfect. I am so much stronger (emotionally) than I ever thought I could be. I am an amazing fuck.
There are many other things like how to fire a gun, how to drive a tractor and the various parts of the body to punch/jab/kick if I am being attacked lol.. (edit: #2,4 & 5 may sound arrogant but I had almost zero self esteem when I met him)
Oh, so many clues in there for you more eagle-eyed readers, but I’ll let you guys discuss that.
For all you alphas out there, I commend you for embracing what makes you men– your natural ability to lead others into safety and provision despite opposition or manipulation. In other words, your balls. Please, just remember that most of us ladies want a man who holds tightly to his manhood but also just as tightly to his woman’s heart.
Okay, now here’s what I said to her in response:
He’s not Alpha. You’re describing him as Alpha because you’re married to him and you love him so your perception of him is skewed.
Your marriage is dysfunctional. I suggest getting marriage counseling immediately (or divorce him).
“If he ever cheats on me it is over, no second chances on that one”
He will. Eventually. To think he won’t is a teenage level of thought. Accept it or move on.
Lady did not respond to me. However, an entire year later, she made another comment in the same thread. Here it is:
Reading through what I said, I cringed, but I still stand by it. It was all true at the time. All the love and idolizations, all the co-dependency.
“It was true at the time.” This is how women think. “I didn’t lie to you. What I said was true at the time. I wanted to be with you forever, but now I don’t.”
This is extremely difficult for men to understand. Men view it as lying and/or abusive. And if taken in a masculine context, it is. But women are not men. You can’t expect them to think or act like men. To do so is stupid, as well as explains why so many men, Alpha Males (1.0) included, do things like traditionally monogamously marry women thinking it will be “forever” because she said so.
I left him last January. I finally had enough of him being an asshole.
And there it is. Predictable.
You were right. He did cheat on me.
Yep. Again, predictable.
Expecting long-term sexual monogamy from your long-term partner IS ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS HUMAN BEINGS DO. I don’t give a fuck what this person (man or woman doesn’t matter) promises. At some point down the road, your perfect boyfriend / girlfriend / husband /wife WILL FUCK SOMEONE ELSE.
Maybe they will dump you before fucking someone else, or maybe they will fuck someone else while staying with you, but either way, THEY WILL FUCK SOMEONE ELSE. PLAN ON THIS. DON’T BE SURPRISED WHEN IT HAPPENS, BECAUSE IT WILL, YOU FUCKING MORON. AND YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU, THE READER, IF YOU’RE IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND RIGHT NOW, OR PLAN TO BE AT SOME POINT.
I realized I just made several thousand people very angry by saying that. Good. I’m right. Deal with it.
I didn’t find out until after I left, but I found out and it was multiple women.
Of course it was. Monogamy doesn’t work. Many people trying to force it end up exploding later, which is what happened here.
Her husband did a “Tiger Woods.” He was a beta who tried to lock himself into monogamy and then exploded, suddenly banging as many women as he could to overcompensate.
He had the girl he had been fucking in the new house we had just built (that I designed and loved) a week after I was out the door. As if I never meant anything to him other than what my body could do for him and the status it offered to him to have an adoring, loving wife.
Ah, now Lady gets a little taste of what it’s like to be a man. Usually it’s the woman who instantly monkey-branches to a new guy after a breakup, and the man cries and wallows in oneitis for a few months, longing for her to come back.
What I don’t understand about rereading all these comments and your information is how you separate having women on the side from being in a loving, respectful marriage. If they have an upfront agreement, straight off the bat, that’s one thing. But to hide it from her? And expect her to just take it because he’s an Alpha male and she should be so lucky?
Exactly, and I agree. I think cheating is horrible, including when men do it. I have never cheated on anyone in my entire life, and I’m one of the few men I know at my age who can honestly say this. I never do monogamy in the first place, because I don’t utilize systems in my life that don’t work.
However, this doesn’t let people off the hook at being shocked that their “perfect” partner cheats on them, especially if that person is a man. Men fuck multiple women. It’s what men do. They were never designed to be monogamous, period. Accept this and integrate this into your life, or spend the rest of your life being disappointed.
Oh, this applies to men too. Women weren’t designed for long-term monogamy either.
My ex may have been masculine in appearance and demeanor— but he wasn’t a real man. I don’t care if he worked hard, could protect me from physical harm and was classically handsome. A man who openly disrespects his woman, verbally abuses her and cheats on her is no kind of man I ever want to know.
…yet you let him take your virginity, and you married him, and you stuck with him for quite some time while justifying the drama you were receiving.
Only now, after you’ve done what women statistically do and divorced his ass, now he’s a terrible guy.
I hope you guys are paying close attention.
And by the way, remember that Lady was a virgin. What do you think about all that bullshit advice you hear from right-wing manosphere guys telling guys to marry virgins?
Yeah… it’s a nice thought, but how does that work out in real life?
Speaking of real life, let’s see if Lady understands her mistake and has learned from it…
I am doing what I can to heal and move away from being attracted to the asshole Alpha type. I’m better than that- and I believe there are men out there who are just as manly and attractive and kind as I desire, and they could give a fuck about appearing to be this confident, manly man who thinks they are better than everyone else because they are ruled by their cocks and not by their souls.
And there we go. Even after all of that, she’s circled all the way back to the original point of the very article that she was commenting on… that there is no such thing as a submissive Alpha Male, yet that is exactly what she’s describing.
Per the usual Divorced Woman Playbook™, she is now going to go on some kind of Disney dating site like Match.com, go on a bunch of extravert first dates (paid for by the men, of course), pull out her over-33 Provider Hunter checklist, and start screening for a tough, badass, high-T Alpha Male who is also sweet and kind and submissive and treats her like a Lady (oh, the irony of her avatar name).
When she comes across any Alphas, she’s going to snort, accuse them of being rude assholes, and move on.
When she comes across any betas, she won’t be attracted at all, and complain about where all the “good men have gone.”
And she will never find what she wants.
Even everything she’s been through wasn’t enough to teach her.
She’s a woman.