As I’ve have written about extensively in my business content, in every area of life there are always 5 – 7 skills you must master (or at least achieve competency with) in order to be successful in that area. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about business, dating, gardening, or auto repair; there are almost always 5 – 7 things you must get good at in order to be successful in these areas.
Online dating is no different. There are five specific skills you must learn in order to ensure you can schedule first dates with women you find at least cute (using my four-level attractiveness scale of ugly, average, cute, or hot).
If you can’t schedule dates online, or you can only schedule them with women you find ugly or average, that means you are lacking in one or more of these skills. Knowing what these skills are will help identify where you need to bolster your efforts.
One clarification needed! As always, when I say “online dating,” I’m only referring to the online portion of the interaction. Online dating, as I use the term, begins when you sign up on a dating site or app and then ends the split second you walk into the bar or coffee shop to meet up with that woman in real life. At that point, online dating is over and real-life game begins. Getting laid via online dating requires online dating skill and real-life dating skill. (For you touchy Thrill of the Hunt types, you’re right, it’s still not a cold approach, so in the past I’ve called it “dating game” for lack of a better term.)
This breakdown is represented in my overall dating system chart here:
So here are the five master skills you must learn for online dating, that is, your ability to use dating sites / apps to schedule first dates with women you find at least cute whenever you need to.
They are listed in no particular order, since they are all required.
1. Photo Skill
Notice I said “photo skill” and not “photography.” I don’t know shit about photography. I just know how to construct a photo that makes me look as good as humanly possible without actually having to Photoshop it. That’s what photo skill is.
Having good photo skill means you know how to have photos with the best colors, clothing and background for you (since every guy is different in this regard). It means you know how to stand, sit, or pose. It means you know what lighting and depth of field is best for your face and body. It also means you know how to best construct your photos to reflect your ideal persona, as I describe in detail in The Ultimate Online Dating Manual.
Photo skill is absolutely critical to online dating and you will get nowhere without it. Even many good-looking guys get murdered with online dating because their photos suck.
2. Profile Writing
This is much less important than it used to be, since on many swipe apps lots of women won’t even look at your written profile and will instead decide to respond to your swipe/opener based on your photos alone (and the younger she is, the more this tends to be true). It’s still important though, since many women do read profiles, or at least glance at them looking for red flags.
Being good at profile writing means you can write an online dating profile that doesn’t piss her off (by being too controversial or assholeish), turn her off (by acting too intellectual or nerdy; a huge problem with guys online), spike ASD (by being too sexual or too playerish in the profile), or bore her (more an issue with younger girls).
Doing any one of these things will instantly terminate an interested woman even if she liked your photos. This means you must write to avoid these problems. That’s what profile writing is all about.
3. Online Communication
Online communication skill is similar to real-life communication skill except the margin for error is lower. You can fuck up a little on a real-life first date by saying something stupid or weird, but if you do this while communicating to a woman on a dating site/app, you may lose her instantly.
Thus, online communication skill is about being friendly but not boring, aggressive but not ASD spiking, funny but not silly or immature, and extremely outcome independent. Failure to do any one of those things, and you’re done.
Writing paragraphs of text to her? Too needy and outcome dependent.
Telling her she should come over to your place right now? You just spiked her ASD.
Asking her a bunch of “job interview” questions? Boring as fuck.
You just need to be a chill, cool, outcome independent guy who’s going to communicate with her until you make the date pitch. Speaking of which…
Closing means you pitch the real-life date, correctly, at the right time, and lay the logistical foundations so that it has the highest odds of actually occurring.
You don’t want to pitch the date too soon (common problem with guys on swipe apps) or pitch it too late (common problem with guys on online dating sites).
You also need to pitch it in a very safe, no-big-deal way. The guy who wants her to come right over for sex fails here, just like the beta male who invites her out for a classy, 1950s dinner date. Both of these are high-pressure offers and are not good ideas (unless you’re choosing to do something very different outside of my system).
Once she agrees, you also need to make sure the logistics are in place. You’ll need her phone number and vice versa. You’ll need her to double-check the time so she didn’t forget about some other commitment. You’ll need to ensure the place you’re going is actually going to be open when you guys meet there, and so on.
Closing is critical! Too many guys screw this up!
Too many guys think that once the date is scheduled and agreed to, your job is done, and all you need to do is just show up.
Ha HA! Ohhhhhhhh no, no, no, no. We’re talking about women here. Women are flakey as fuck, and that includes older women and more intelligent women, by the way. Flakiness is part of being a woman like horniness is part of being a man; it’s built into the biology (unfortunately).
It’s your job to follow up with her as many times as is needed (based on how long it will be until you actually have your first date/meet). This ensures that the first date will have the highest odds of actually occurring.
If you’re good at follow-up, even if she cancels or reschedules, you can likely still meet up and have sex. I’ve had many women reschedule or cancel first dates with me who ended up as long-term FBs or MLTRs.
There you have it, the five skills you must have in order to schedule first dates with cute women whenever you want.
If this article is popular I may do this “The 5 Skills You Must Master For…” structure for other areas (such as real life game, relationship management, Alpha 2.0 businesses, etc).
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