As I’ve talked about many times before, time is your enemy when you are engaged in online dating. The longer you wait, pretty much for anything, the lower your success odds become.
This means that if you’re talking to a cute girl over Bumble, the longer you wait to pitch the first date/meet the lower your odds become of ever actually meeting her. Her life is full of distractions, and as some stranger she’s talking to over the internet for a few minutes, you rank the lowest of all the distractions in her life.
At the same time, if you pitch the date too soon, you also run the risk of failure since you risk scaring her or spiking her ASD.
As I talk about in great detail in the Ultimate Online Dating Manual, you need to time the date pitch precisely when the odds of success are highest. And, as with all of my advice, you need to do this regardless of what your personal opinions or feelings are regarding when you think this “should” be done. As always, reality doesn’t give a shit about your feelings or your Societal Programming. Neither do women.
Many of you already know my standard system here. That is, to date pitch a new woman you’re communicating with online within two or three exchanges. This means you send her an opener, she replies (one exchange), you send her a response, she responds (second exchange), then you date pitch, or send her one more response, and then get hers (third exchange) when you then pitch.
I’ve done this hundreds of times and it works well. However, there are several scenarios where this doesn’t apply.
The first is if you’re on a swipe app like Tinder or Bumble. When you’re communicating with a woman over an app rather than a site, the communication dynamic is slightly different. The conversation over an app feels more like texting. A conversation over a site feels like emailing. The interaction over an app feels faster.
This means that if you date pitch on two exchanges over an app, it feels too fast. When using an app, sadly, you have to wait a little longer to date pitch. Remember I said a little. If you carry on a conversation too long, you will lose her.
The sweet spot in most online dating conversations over an app is around ten minutes. Have a conversation with her over the messaging system in the app (using phase one first date conversation techniques that I lay out in Get To Sex Fast), then date pitch. Your odds are much higher doing this than pitching at the second or third exchange or waiting past ten minutes.
Another time the second/third exchange method sometimes doesn’t work is if you’re talking to a woman over the age of 33. In many cases, these high-ASD women need to “get to know you first” (always a bullshit excuse) before meeting you in real life (which, of course, doesn’t make any sense, since that’s how you get to know someone: real life).
There are times you may need to wait past three exchanges with women over the age of 33. Again though, you don’t want to wait too long. Do not get into some long back-and-forth online with any woman of any age. Your odds always go down when you do this.
Yet another time the second/third exchange pitch may not work is if you live in a much harder city like San Francisco or Toronto. Women in these cities combine a higher level of ASD with a higher degree of anger, equaling a more difficult dating experience for you. Guys in these cities will, unfortunately, need to wait past the third exchange before executing a date pitch. (And as always, if you live in a city like this and your woman life is important to you, stop complaining and make plans to move to another city as soon as you possibly can. No excuses.)
The one worry men have when I recommend sooner-than-normal date pitching is “Well what if I bring up meeting in real life too fast and scare her off?”
That’s not how it works. If you pitch a date when I recommend and she suddenly ghosts you, that means she would have ghosted you anyway when you would have pitched the date later.
Date-pitching right up front like this doesn’t scare women away who were already serious about meeting up with a man in real life. It instead screens out the time-wasters and attention whores who would have wasted your time anyway.
There is no such thing as a woman who is very serious about actually meeting a man in real life, specifically meeting you in real life, who will be terrified to the point of ghosting if such a man gently pitches a low-pressure first meet the way I describe in the Ultimate Online Dating Manual after two or three exchanges or 10 minutes of banter. Again, that’s just not how it works (yes, there are always extremely rare exceptions to every rule).
So please don’t worry about this. I’d far rather have you issue the date pitch too soon than too late. The guy who date pitches soon won’t be wasting his time. The guy who pitches too late always will.
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