This is part two of an article I wrote on opposites attract right here. Please take a minute and read it if you have not yet; it will put much of this article in context for you and prevent confusion. In that article, I described the overview of why you are attracted to certain women (and why they are attracted to you) and an overview of being complementary versus being compatible.
In this article, I will focus more on techniques you’ll have to employ once you find yourself in a relationship with a woman who is your opposite.
I happen to be an expert at this, at least at this point. As I’ve talked about before, since I have an extreme personality (more extreme than most people), I am most attracted to women who are of the opposite extreme. Most normal people won’t have this trait quite as much as I do, since most people are more balanced.
Since my personality is on the extreme side of the masculine scale, I tend to be most attracted to women on the extreme feminine side of the scale. This accurately describes Pink Firefly, as well as the serious relationship before her (HBM), and a few other women who were important to me in my past.
As I talked about in part one, you will be more attracted to a woman who has lots of traits that are the same as you and opposite to you, and you will be less attracted (or at least experience “typical” attraction) for a woman who has traits all over the place. Please refer to the chart in part one for a visual representation of what I’m talking about.
When you find yourself in a relationship with a woman who only has traits that are identical to yours and opposite to yours, with none in-between, it generally means you get to experience these positives:
1. Heightened mutual emotional attraction. This is obvious. Your attraction for each other will be operating at a higher level. Always a good thing.
2. Heightened mutual sexual attraction. Again, pretty obvious. The sex between the two of you is probably going to be very good; she will (likely) like the way you fuck and vice versa. The physical attraction between the two of you will also be high.
3. Very fast meet-to-sex times. You won’t have to try very hard to get her to have sex with you. In many cases, she’ll practically throw herself at you (particularly if she’s younger and/or has lower ASD).
4. Less drama. People often think that opposites will have more drama than normal couples. Wrong! Couples who have the most drama tend to be people who are very similar to each other, like when an Alpha Male 1.0 gets into a relationship with a Dominant (as I showed in this chart here). When in a relationship with an opposite, you’re not really going to want to argue very much, even if you disagree, since because she’s your opposite, you won’t really give a shit about the things she feels strongly about, and vice versa.
5. Attractive dynamic to other people as a couple. This means that when other people encounter you two, you will put off a more positive, attractive vibe to others. This always happens to me whenever I’m out in public with an opposite woman I’m in a relationship with, and it’s not something I can completely explain. I just know it happens. When out in public, people are going to want to talk to you two and be close to you. For example, several times now, complete strangers have come up to me and Pink Firefly, commenting that we “look like a great couple,” and similar. We even had a guy come up to us in Vegas and tell us that we were the “best looking couple” in the resort. I’m not even good looking (though Pink Firefly is); I think he was commenting on our vibe as a couple, not necessarily our attractiveness.
Those are the positives, and they’re all very nice. However, no extreme condition in life is neutral, so if you are in a relationship with your opposite, you’re also going to have to deal with a few negatives that you likely won’t encounter with other women, including:
1. Difficult communication. This is the biggest one, top of the list. Pink Firefly and I relate to this one personally. Because we are so opposite, we communicate on completely different wavelengths much of the time. (This has been the case with past opposites I’ve been in relationships with as well.) This can cause all kinds of problems, confusion, and misunderstandings if you’re not both very, very careful.
In a less serious relationship (FB or MLTR) this doesn’t really matter. If she doesn’t like the way you communicate (and if she’s your opposite, she won’t), then that’s her fucking problem and she can leave if she doesn’t like it. However, if the relationship is a serious one (as in an OLTR, OLTR Marriage, or high-end MLTR) you and her are going to have to learn how to adjust your communication styles at least some of the time. And here’s the thing: you’re not going to want to do it (and neither will she). Your subconscious mind is going to constantly resist you communicating in any way other than the way you’ve communicated your entire life. The same is true of her when she tries to adjust her communication for you. It’s hard, and it’s not really an issue for normal couples in normal, non-opposite relationships. For example, I had no communication problems with my first wife many years ago; we communicated just fine because we weren’t opposites.
2. Higher propensity for oneitis and betaization. The risk of oneitis and betaization is always an extreme one in all serious relationships, of course, but it’s higher in ones where you’re with your opposite. That’s why, when dating an opposite, you need to be double as careful when it comes to managing your frame, EFA, nonmonogamy, outcome independence, and Alpha Male 2.0 status, as well as waiting a very long time before you even think about getting into an OLTR with her (and if she’s your opposite, you probably will).
The slight good news here is that this increased tendency for oneitis and betaization applies to her as well. You’re more likely to get oneitis and lose your frame with her, but she is more likely to get oneitis for you and lose her frame with you as well.
3. Frequent confusion. This is a minor issue but still a real one. When in a relationship with an opposite, you and her are going to be regularly confused, and thoroughly so, as to why the other person is doing certain things in their lives. She’s going to do things that make absolutely no sense and utterly bewilder you, and vice versa.
Thankfully, if you’re an Alpha Male 2.0, this shouldn’t be a problem, since you should be completely outcome independent as to how she lives her life, particularly the irrelevant (to you) details. But if you’re an Alpha 1.0 or an anal/nerdy beta male, this is going to drive you insane. I’ve seen this happen with many Alpha 1.0s and betas in relationships with opposites. It causes a lot of confusion, snapping at each other, and arguments.
Being in a relationship with an opposite is a higher-work, higher-reward scenario. If you’re a more balanced (“normal”) person, this shouldn’t be an issue to you, and you can simply choose to avoid getting into any ongoing or serious relationships with opposite women if you don’t want to put in this extra amount of work. However, if you have a more extreme personality (like I do) or are only strongly attracted to extreme opposites (like I am), you need to be prepared to put in a little more work (to get a little more rewards too) in any relationship that is serious. (Or you can simply refrain from any serious relationships, which is fine too.)