The outdated myth, perpetuated by Societal Programming, is that men one-night-stand women. And yes, that used to be true, particularly prior to the 1990s. Yet, as I’ve shown many times already, in the 1990s we entered into a new era where women are more sexually confident and aggressive and men are more pussified and needy.
In this new era in which we all find ourselves, women do indeed one-night-stand men, and do so all the time.
When on a first or second date with a woman, my entire focus is to bring her into a long-term nonmonogamous relationship with me, even if it’s just an FB. I never do one night stands and hate them utterly, since they’re too much work, as I explain here.
I’m pretty successful at this. 76% of every woman I have sex with twice becomes an ongoing nonmonogamous partner for me, often for many years (even if off-and-on).
However, that means that 24% of women one-night-stand me; they ghost me after we have sex the first time. To be fair to me, 24% is extremely low, probably the lowest of any other man in the PUA / manosphere world. I know this because I talk to a lot of these guys, and they complain about women one-night-standing them 70-90% of the time, not 24%. This is because these men are acting too playerish instead of using the 85/15 player/provider vibe I talked about here.
As always, if you want one night stands, and nothing else, then by all means, have them. This article is not for you though.
So why the hell do women one-night-stand men?
I’ll tell you why. Here are all the reasons they do this, listed in order of frequency and likelihood.
1. You were acting too much like a player. This is reason number one, top of the list. If you have sex with a woman fast and then the next day, she ignores your texts or responds to them but clearly doesn’t want to see you again, it is because your frame was too playerish.
This means you got laid fast, which is good. But it also means you activated buyer’s remorse in her girl-brain. Buyer’s remorse is a form of ASD that kicks in after a woman has sex with you instead of before. Right after having sex with you, on her way home (and yes, this is how fast it happens), she thinks, “OMG! I fucked that guy! I don’t even know that guy! I don’t even know his last name! I was a slut! But I’m not a slut! So I’ll just forget this ever happened and never see him again. Then I’m not a slut. Okay. Good.”
So you text her the next day and she freaks out and deletes your number. All you’re doing is reminding her that she’s a “slut.” She can’t have that! Aannnnnnndd she’s gone.
2. There’s another guy in the picture you don’t know about. This is the second most common reason. I never have reason number one because my entire game, frame, and dating system is carefully calibrated to avoid it. Since I only want long-term relationships, I want fast sex from new women without kicking in buyer’s remorse.
However, even if you do everything correctly, often you will run into these scenarios, where unbeknownst to you:
- She already has a boyfriend.
- She doesn’t have a boyfriend, but she’s got a guy she’s fucking. Maybe he’s her FB, or an ex, or someone she’s dating, or whatever.
- There’s another guy she has a crush on and she’s trying to fuck him.
- She’s in the middle of a false “break-up” with a guy, where she’s temporarily mad at him and saying she’s “breaking up” with him when in fact she’s not; she’ll go right back too him soon.
- She’s going out on multiple first dates with multiple men (common with online dating) and another guy she likes just a little bit more than you just hit her up the next day after you had sex with her, so now you’re out and he’s in.
Again, it’s important to understand that you won’t know anything about this other guy, even after several dates and sex with her. As I’ve talked about before, women are absolute ninjas at hiding men in their sex life from other men.
There’s not much you can do about this, other than to accept it and keep putting in the numbers.
3. You were too rude, weak, or scary during sex. You had sex with her, but she doesn’t like how you fuck. Maybe you were too intense, loud, or dominant during sex (I’ve certainly had that problem). Maybe it was opposite; you were too light, romantic, or beta during sex and she wants to be fucked hard by a manly man (many beta males have that problem). Maybe you were the typical guy who was selfish during sex and didn’t bother to make her feel good or cum (huge mistake). Maybe your tiny three-inch dick freaked her out. Maybe you were just an asshole.
Whatever it was, she didn’t like it, so she won’t see you anymore.
To help prevent this:
- Always make women cum during sex! This is one of my cardinal rules.
- Never do anything too weird during first time sex (no anal, no choking, etc).
- If you’re a super intense or dominant guy during sex (like I am), try to calm the fuck down the first time you have sex with her.
Remember, you can do all the fun stuff after Lock-In, which is after you’ve had sex with her twice. That first time or two though, be nice and take it easy.
4. You were too needy during or after sex. Maybe the sex was fine, but right after the sex, even the day after, you got excited and/or oneitis and started blowing up her phone with how hot / sexy she is and how you just can’t wait to see her again (or fuck her again). That’s a huge turn-off, and if you haven’t achieved Lock-In yet (which you haven’t after first-time sex) that will easily drive her away from you.
Neediness is unattractive, guys. I don’t care how hot she is or how great she is in bed; fucking control yourself and stop it with that crap.
5. You allowed too much time to go by between the first and second time. As I’ve said many times, during the dating phase, time is your enemy. Every day that goes by between the first and second time you have sex decreases the odds of you ever getting to that second time. As soon as you have sex with her, you need to see her again as fast as humanly possible to have sex a second time and get to Lock-In. (Then relationship management begins where you can only see her once a week.)
So yeah, you have sex with her on Monday and it’s great, but because you’re too disorganized or busy, you don’t bother scheduling another date with her until Wednesday of next week. You text her the day before and she ghosts your ass. Yep, you waited too long.
This also means you need to pre-plan scheduling logistics. For example, if you’re about to leave town for a week, don’t schedule any first dates until you get back. I say this as a man who travels internationally often (I’m in New Zealand as I type these words). Think strategically about this stuff; don’t just schedule dates because you’re excited.
6. She’s just weird. Sometimes none of these things are a problem at all, but she’s just weird. Some women are just strange. Some women are highly fickle or bi-polar. In some extreme cases, some women are drug addicts or alcoholics. In all of these odd cases, everything may be perfectly fine and there are no other men in the picture, but she just vanishes out of your life anyway. It’s rare but it does happen.
The more things you can do to reduce the odds of women one-night-standing you, the less it will happen. If you can get down to only a 24% woman one-night-stand rate like me, you’ll be much happier.