I have analyzed the friend zone in great detail several times on this blog. I showed you actually how abusive friend zone is and what women really think about it here. I also showed you how pathetic beta males actually defend and encourage friend zone here.
Friend zone is a condition that is almost standard for most beta males. If you are a beta or ex-beta, you’ve probably experienced friend zone before, perhaps even more than once. As I’ve said many times, friend zone is an abusive condition that no man should ever tolerate, ever, for any reason. All it does for the man is create sexual angst, and since sexual angst is a negative emotion, it should not be something you put up with.
Hang out with attractive women you’re having sex with. That’s fine. Hang out with unattractive women you like as friends, but don’t want to have sex with. That’s fine too. But for fuck’s sake, don’t hang out with hot girls you want to have sex with and who don’t let you. That’s extreme beta male behavior, and it doesn’t belong in your life.
Today I’m going to discuss how to deal with friend zone, and how to possibly get yourself out of friend zone, despite the fact that once you’re in friend zone, it’s very unlikely you’ll ever leave it even if you do everything right. But I’ll address that as well.
The Definition of Friend Zone
Based on many past discussions I’ve had about this topic with men online, I know that a lot of men get very defensive, nitpicky, and even downright angry when discussing friend zone. Therefore, this is one of those times I need to be very specific about what I say and what I mean.
When I say “friend zone” I mean this: a condition where you want to have sex with a woman you personally spend time with, but she won’t let you. I’m not talking about anything else…
I’m not talking about having a platonic female friend you aren’t sexually attracted to in any way. Those are perfectly fine and are not friend zone. One of my closest, longest friendships I have is with an overweight old lady in her late 60’s. That’s not friend zone because I don’t want to have sex with her.
I’m not talking about having a platonic female friend you find attractive, but never actually hang out with in real life. I have a particular long-term female friend who I really do consider a good friend, and I consider her attractive, but we almost never hang out. We do so perhaps once every few years. That’s not friend zone because I’m not spending time with her. (I’m too busy spending time with women who I’m actually having sex with.) This also applies to women who live in distant cities or countries whom you rarely or never see.
I’m not talking about women you used to have sex with and aren’t anymore because of a LSNFTE. That’s not friend zone because you’ve actually had sex with her, and if you’re following my advice, you’re not contacting her at all for at least four months.
I’m not talking about women who happen to be attractive whom you’re forced to work with at your job. I understand that there are many possible scenarios where your job or your business requires you to work with women who you might find attractive. As long as you’re not spending time with her outside of the workplace, that doesn’t count as friend zone because you have to work with her for monetary reasons (and she knows it).
I will ignore any comments from men defending “friend zone” when it falls into any of the above categories, since those aren’t friend zone.
That’s what friend zone is not. Here’s what friend zone is:
When you regularly or semi-regularly hang out, in a social, non-work setting, with a woman you find really attractive, whom you know will not fuck you even if you try. This includes:
- Hot female friends
- Hot female friends of friends
- Hot married women (Yes you guys, married women count. Lots of you guys try to defend friend zone by saying married women somehow don’t “count.” Bull fuck. Yes they do. If you’re regularly spending time with a super hot married woman you’d love to have sex with and can’t because she’s married, that’s fucking friend zone. You want to fuck her and you can’t. That’s friend zone. The reason why you can’t fuck her isn’t relevant; you want to and she won’t let you.)
- Hot lesbians (what few there are in the real world)
- Hot, physically developed teenagers (Again, yes, this counts. If you regularly hang out with her and you want to have sex with her and you can’t because she doesn’t like you or because she isn’t legal yet, that’s friend zone. Again, the reason why you can’t fuck her is completely irrelevant.)
- Hot women you’d love to have sex with but “can’t” because you’re (stupidly) in a monogamous relationship with someone else at the moment (doesn’t matter if you’re in a monogamous relationship or not; it’s still friend zone.)
For those of you who are more woman experienced, you could argue that there are “levels” of friend zone for Alpha Males, PUA’s and other such gentlemen, and you’d be correct. Years ago, when I was still posting on forums, I described four levels of friend zone:
Zone 1: Real and true friend zone. She knows you, likes to hang out with you and get validation from you, but has never had sex with you, never wants to, and never will, no matter what you do. Zone 1 is always bad and should never be tolerated. Zone 1 also includes women you game who clearly are not sexually attracted to you at all, but still want to hang out platonicly “as friends.” 100% of these women should be hard nexted, period.
Zone 2: A woman you’ve had sex with once or twice, and then friend zones you afterwards for whatever reason. You might be able to have sex with her again down the road at some point, maybe, maybe not. It’s a total crap shoot. (You need to go no-contact with her for at least four months, as per my usual system.)
Zone 3: This is a woman who still wants to spend platonic time with you after a LSFNTE. This technically isn’t friend zone, but it can easily turn into real, Zone 1 friend zone if you aren’t on your game and/or don’t control yourself. This is a woman you’ve had sex with many times who nexts you or LSNFTE’s you, and uses the “lets just be friends” speech to do it. Now that she’s mad at you, bored with you, or has found a new boyfriend, you’re out of her sex life for a while. She still wants to hang out with you to get emotional and social validation, but she will not have sex with you, at least not right now. You can certainly fuck her again once she gets bored or tired of her current guy, assuming you get the hell out of her life and don’t contact her at all for at least four months.
Zone 4: Zone 4 is somewhat rare. This isn’t friend zone at all, but the woman is trying to pretend it is. This is when a woman you’re gaming and haven’t had sex with yet, but who is clearly sexually attracted to you, uses the “let’s just be friends” excuse simply as a temporary ASD excuse or shit test. With proper game and logistics, you can bust through that and have sex with her anyway (since it wasn’t ever friend zone to begin with).
Zones 2, 3, and 4 are not what I’m discussing today. Those are more an issue of dating technique or relationship management. Today I’m only talking about real friend zone, Zone 1.
How to Maybe Get Out of Friend Zone
Before I tell you a technique that might help you get out of friend zone, realize this: the odds of you ever getting out of friend zone, regardless of what you do, even if you do everything right, are very, very low. Once you’re in Zone 1 friend zone, you’re pretty much stuck there forever. Getting out of that classification in her mind is usually impossible.
That’s why it is sooooooo important to never allow yourself to get into friend zone in the first place. As I explained here, its better for a woman to be slightly mad at you while having sex with you than really like and approve of you while never having sex with you.
Guys in friend zone try to get liked, not laid. That’s not a good idea if you’re sexually attracted to her. I’ve had sex with numerous women, many of whom were very frustrated with me that I would not conform to their desires… but they were having sex with me, so I didn’t care. This is while the friend zone guy is doing everything his platonic female friend wants, constantly getting a lot of attention and compliments from her, but never having sex with her.
Which guy would you rather be? Food for thought.
So I’m about to tell you how to maybe get out of friend zone, but realize the odds of it working are low. You shouldn’t have ever allowed yourself to get into friend zone in the first place.
The technique is very simple: completely vanish out of her life for an entire year. That’s right. Vanish. Ghost. Stop spending time with her, go completely radio silent, and ignore all contact from her. Ignore her texts, social media messages, etc. Ignore everything from her, for an entire year.
During that year, Alpha up. Go out and get laid. Work on your dating / seduction skills. Lose weight and/or gain some muscle. Dress better. Work on your confidence and outcome independence. Have sex with other attractive women. Do all the stuff my books show you how to do.
You can still keep a presence on social media if you like, and you can even be friend/followers with her on said media, but only have stuff on there that makes you look like a cool, desirable Alpha Male. Or have nothing. Either is fine.
Then, after a year (yes, an entire 12 months), try to make sure she doesn’t have a new boyfriend in her life, then hit her up out of the blue as a new man, and go hang out with her, ideally just the two of you together. Don’t frame it as a date, just as a you and her “catching up.” Then once you meet up with her, treat it like a first date exactly as I describe in Get To Sex Fast. You can even sexually escalate on this first “date,” or go for a second “date” and sexually escalate then, but you must sexually escalate by “date” number two.
Odds of success of this working? Low. I’d put it at around 15% or so. But 15% is a hell of a lot better than 1% or 0%, which is what you’ve got now acting like a platonic beta male orbiter with her.
And again, if you’re in friend zone with anyone, or have been lately, make a pact with yourself that you’ll never allow yourself to do that ever again. You’ll be a much happier man.