I occasionally hear some of you complain that sometimes you feel bored, unmotivated, and too complacent to get off your ass and make things happen in your life to make you a happier and more successful man. I also hear from many guys that their sex drive is unusually low and that they barely desire to have sex at all, much less take the time and effort to bring in some new women into their lives.
Today I’ll give you the top six things you must do if you ever find yourself in this predicament. I will address both psychological and physiological causes. You do not want to remain in a state of unmotivation. That is extraordinarily dangerous to your long-term happiness as a man.
There is only one exception to this rule. That is if you, right now:
1. Make all the money you want, not only now, but for the very long-term.
2. Are having sex with all the women you want, as well as the type of women you really like.
3. Are at least reasonably physically fit.
If all three of those things apply to you, then you are welcome to feel as unmotivated and complacent as you like. While I have some personal opinions about that, I agree that once you reach a certain level in life, you’re allowed to take a break or move on to other areas.
If all three of those things don’t apply to you, then it’s time to address the problem of why you’re not feeling motivated or horny.
To be clear, I’m not talking about having an off day or a lazy day. Everyone has those from time to time, myself included. Sometimes you might even have an off week. That’s okay. Life is cyclical and no one can expect you to be in the zone all the friggin’ time.
I’m talking about a state of being that lingers for weeks or months (or god forbid, years). That’s unacceptable, unless you don’t mind being unhappy (in which case, as always, you are free to ignore my advice and do whatever you want).
If you’re feeling unmotivated or low (or zero!) sex drive, here’s what you need to do:
1. Get Some Blood Tests
This is at the top of the list for a reason. It’s very likely one or more hormones are off in your body. There’s little point in addressing behavioral problems if you’re suffering from an internal hormonal issue. Hormonal problems with men (and women) are so god damn common these days that you must rule this out first before you proceed with any other techniques.
Here are the blood tests you need to take:
- Testosterone (free and total)
- Estrogen (estradiol)
- Vitamin D
- Thyroid (specifically T3; T4 and TSH are also common tests but not as important)
If any of these are too low (and/or in the case of T3 and Estrogen, too high), then that likely explains why you’re feeling so shiftless all the time.
At the SMIC Program, we talk about these measurements and the exact ranges they need to be in, but that’s a big topic beyond the scope of this article. If you’re low (or too high) in any of these, work with your doctor and/or do some research on the internet to get these numbers into the proper ranges. I can tell you from personal experience you will not believe how much better you feel when all four of those things are in ideal, optimal ranges for a man.
You can get these tests ordered through your doctor, or get them and pay for them yourself. Sometimes insurance covers the costs of these tests, sometimes it does not (check). Very worst case scenario, you’ll pay about $300 at most. If that’s the case and you have no other option, shut up and pay it. It will be the best money you’ve ever spent, trust me. One of the reasons I’m such a happy little fucker is that I check these levels regularly and I always make sure they’re at optimal levels for a man.
If you live in the USA and want to get the tests done yourself, here are three websites I know of that do them:
If you live outside the USA, just Google around or talk to your doctor.
One extra note about this: If you were not raised with a father in the home, you likely suffer from low testosterone. Get it checked!
2. Make Sure You’re Getting Enough Water and Sleep
Most of you guys are not getting enough sleep or water. I devote an entire section in my book regarding sleep; it’s that important.
To summarize, you need to be getting at least seven hours of sleep every night, on average. Having a five or six hour night every once in a while is fine, but regularly having six or less hours of sleep means you’re going to fuck up your health, attitude, longevity, and happiness.
You’re now going to give me all the excuses as to why you “have to” only get six hours of sleep. I don’t give a shit. If you’re feeling unmotivated or not horny, you need to get some more sleep. Go to my old time management blog, learn some time management skills, and get it done. Stop with the excuses.
You also need to drink at least half a gallon of water per day. More is even better, especially if you lift weights or are on a high protein diet, but half a gallon will do it. Milk, pop, juice, or coffee does not count. Only water or tea. That’s it. Half a gallon. Nothing will sap your energy like being dehydrated. Most Americans are dehydrated and don’t even know it. Add that to lack of sleep, and shit, no wonder you’re feeling like a loser.
I drink a gigantic, tankard-sized cup of water every time I eat plus at least two other times throughout the day, and I get eight hours of sleep every night, sometimes nine, and I work much harder and have a much fuller life than the vast majority of men reading these words. It’s not that hard, folks. Just get organized and get it done.
3. Reconnect With Your Goals and Mission
Once you’ve made sure your hormone levels are all decent and you’re getting enough sleep and water, you need to pull out your goals, re-read them, find some pictures, images, and/or videos that represent them, and take a good long look at them while motivating music is playing in the background.
Visualize those goals as already accomplished. Actually feel how good it would feel once you’ve accomplished those things. Get pumped. Feel how excited or happy you would feel. Really get the feeling. Then write down how you feel, put it in your phone, and refer back to those thoughts and images regularly.
If you haven’t yet formulated a Mission, get my book (or re-read Chapter Nine if you already have it) and give it a shot. Granted, formulating a life Mission is something that takes a little time and isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most important, happiness-creating actions you can take.
4. Reconnect With Your Pain
What? Reconnect with your pain? That doesn’t sound very positive, BD! WTF are you talking about?
Sometimes you get comfortable. Not lazy, but comfortable. Comfortable means everything is okay. Not great, but okay. It’s just enough for a bare minimum baseline of happiness. I know there are some of you, particularly some of you who are in my age range, who have indeed hit most or all of those three things above to some degree, in that you make plenty of money, you’re decently healthy, and you’re getting laid to some degree. That’s when you get comfortable and start to slack off.
The first symptom of this is de facto monogamy, the single greatest threat to the Alpha Male 2.0. The second symptom is that you start spinning your wheels in your career / financial life and just sit on your ass doing the minimum amount of work necessary to get the bills paid.
Like I said, if you’ve truly arrived and you’re truly happy, and want to focus on other aspects of your life, like your spiritual life, recreational life, or god forbid, try to save the world, then by all means, go ahead. You’ve earned it.
But, if you haven’t yet arrived or if you’ve arrived, but the lack of motivation you’re feeling is actually bothering you, you need to reconnect with your pain. Visualize yourself looking into a mirror five or ten years into the future and you haven’t done anything to accomplish any of your goals. How do you feel? How do you look? Feels bad doesn’t it? Good. It should.
Sometimes you don’t feel enough pain to get off your ass and make some changes. Hey, it happens to the best of us. This is the primary reason I’ve had so much trouble losing weight. Despite my weight, I’m physically healthy, make lots of money, get laid a lot, have a wonderful family life, and have an amazing life all around. It’s been hard for me to actually attach pain to not losing weight, so I’m talking to myself here as much as I’m talking to you.
5. Have Sex With Someone New
Some of you guys are more variety focused than others. You might just need to go have sex with someone new, preferably a woman who is young and hot. Many times, that’s all you need. I’ve never had this particular problem because I’m not fixated on variety, but I know a lot of you are.
If that sounds like it may apply to you, get back out there just enough to have sex with just one new girl. Just one, but make sure she’s cute. That might be all you need to get your motivation and sex drive back into high gear.
6. Get Help
Lastly, you may need help from someone else. If you have a mentor, great, plug into him. If you don’t, get some coaching. You can use me or someone else, whatever works for you. I’ve used coaches at several points throughout my life and I have literally never regretted it. Every time I did it, it helped noticeably.
If you want to use me, join my monthly coaching program where you also get over 50 podcasts on women and business, or you can look at my coaching services here. Your lack of motivation may indicate to you that you might need someone’s help to set up a battle plan and get your life into gear. Whatever you do, get help from someone.
That’s it! Motivation and sex drive are key factors in your long-term happiness. Don’t discount them!