I have to start by saying that I’m not “into” vibrators or sex toys and I don’t really know that much about them. Some of you reading this will have a lot more experience with these things than I do. I’m the kind of guy where, during sex, 99% of my brain shuts off and Grog the Caveman pretty much takes over until I’m done.
However, I do have some experience with vibrators in the context of how they can help you maintain long-term nonmonogamous relationships. Therefore, you should consider this article a very basic, beginners guide to vibrators and how they can help your relationship life.
That’s exactly how I view vibrators or any other sex toy. I don’t use them because I like them. I don’t. Instead, I consider them a tool that is sometimes required with certain types women. This is because, as longtime readers of my material already know, one of the cardinal rules of FB, MLTR, or OLTR relationships is that you must make a woman orgasm every time you have sex unless she’s literally unable to do so. Making her cum every time you have sex confers these benefits:
- It reduces the amount of drama you’ll receive.
- It increases attraction on her part due to the pair-bonding chemicals in the brain that are produced when a woman orgasms with a man.
- It makes it easier for her to put up with you sleeping with other women (because very few other men she’s ever been with actually took the time to make her cum every time they had sex with her; it’s a big deal).
- It greatly extends the length of the relationship.
- It greatly increases the odds of her returning to you after a LSNFTE.
Bottom line, making her cum every time you have sex with her is hugely important. If you don’t do this already, start. You’ll be stunned at how well everything else in the relationship becomes.
Sadly, this isn’t always as easy as it sounds. When it comes to orgasms with a man during sex (not when a woman masturbates, but during sex), women break down into four categories:
1. Women who can cum easily, clitorally or vaginally, just by having normal sex with a man and doing literally nothing else. These women are not super common and represent perhaps 10-15% of women. As I’ve written about before, these women usually have higher sex drives and have more sex more often, and with more men.
2. Women who can reliably cum, but only if you do certain things and are somewhat patient, like when you need to go down on her for 10-15 minutes. This represents the vast majority of women out there, perhaps 70% or so.
3. Women who, for whatever reason, have trained their bodies and/or brains to only cum in very weird ways. You can make these women cum, but it takes a lot of effort, and it may require strange sexual positions or techniques with which you aren’t skilled or are uncomfortable. These women are rare, representing perhaps 10% of women at most.
4. Women who simply cannot orgasm no matter what you do (or what she does). This is usually due to some kind of trauma in her past (molestation or rape), an oppressive religious upbringing, recent loss of virginity, or other odd scenario. They represent perhaps 15% of women.
Where vibrators help are with women who fall into categories 3 and 4. Types 1 and 2 don’t need vibrators at all unless you both want to do something fun just to spice things up. But with types 3 and 4, vibrators can be game changers. They can take a woman who is impossible or near-impossible to make cum and turn her into a reliable orgasm machine. This is exactly what I mean by viewing vibrators as tools rather than as fun things (but if you find them fun, please don’t let me stop you and enjoy them).
Therefore, if you ever find yourself in a FB or MLTR relationship with a woman who “can’t” cum or is very difficult to make cum, I strongly suggest you get one of the vibrators listed below and rub that bastard onto her bare clit for a little while. You probably be pleasantly surprised to see how well it works on her.
While I’m no vibrator expert, here is a brief list of vibrators I have used over the last few years to make many of these difficult women “cum” to orgasm. I know they all work. and work well. Some of them are expensive for some budgets, but the good thing is that if you take care of them, you only need to purchase them once, and they will pay dividends for many years in terms of low-drama, long-lasting relationships.
The Hitachi Magic Wand
This bad boy, located here, is the granddaddy of all vibrators. It is the most powerful and effective, and is the easiest to use. If you are a complete beginner with vibrators or sex toys, this is the one I recommend you get first.
It’s a large microphone-looking thing (I like to sing Sinatra songs into it) that has a huge head that vibrates so hard you could probably use it to blast a hole in your drywall. Because of this, it’s important to get the version that comes with a separate unit that has a dial on it (the one in the above link has this). The dial allows you to slowly increase or decrease the vibration. If you don’t get this dial unit, the magic wand comes in just two speeds: blow-your-head-off and nuclear-jackhammer. This will be more than a lot of women’s pussies can handle.
The downsides of the magic wand: it’s large, heavy, and not very portable. It also plugs into the wall (it does not have a battery), so dicking around with the cord during sexual activity is often not very fun. Regardless, it’s still the best there is and these are not big downsides.
This alien-looking bastard, located here, is a little difficult to use, but can really blow women away (in a good way) once you get the hang of it, provided they have a decently tough pussy and aren’t unusually tight.
You lube it up and place it inside the woman where it vibrates both inside her and outside, right on her clit. Then you enter her and have sex. This way, it’s vibrating her and you while you have sex. To be honest, it will feel much better for her than it will for you, and it might make you feel a little weird. Regardless, this thing will make her feel so god damn good you’ll have a blast watching her facial expressions and making sounds you’ve never heard her make. I’m serious.
It vibrates in many different speeds and styles, and it has a battery so it’s cordless. It comes with its own cordless charger, which itself uses any USB cable, and it’s fully waterproof for easy cleaning. It also comes with a remote control if you’re into that kind of thing. It’s a very well-made piece of equipment. There are several different types that do crazy shit like tie into an app on your phone, but I don’t recommend that extra crap. Just get the classic model in the link above.
The We-Vibe is not for everyone, but if what I just described sounds like something your women would enjoy, I strongly recommend it.
Vibrating Cock Rings (various types)
Cock rings are an entire industry. There are perhaps hundreds of different types, from the mundane to the really weird. A cock ring is a (usually) cordless vibrating piece of silicone material that slides over your cock, with the bulky part facing upward. When you have sex, it vibrates your cock (a little) and also hits the woman right in her clit, vibrating her as well. As usual, this will feel much better for her than it will for you, but it does vibrate you a little bit, and many men report having an easier time staying hard when they have a tight cock ring on.
The most important thing about cock rings is the shape. Getting a flat cock ring (pictured above on the right) is not a good idea. Instead, you want a cock ring that has a hooded, wedge shape (pictured above on the left). This way, it pushes deeper into her clit and prevents you from having to work too hard. A good one is one right here, but honestly, there are tons of these things and I’m sure many of them are fine. Cruise around on Amazon and you’ll see what I mean.
Mini-Vibrators (or “Bullets”)
A bullet used to be a small vibrating bean that you could place into a larger silicone vibrator to make the whole thing vibrate. This is now morphed into bigger bullets being used as full-on vibrators. Despite their small size, they vibrate very hard, much harder than you’d expect when you look at one or hold it in your hand. They are small, portable, cordless, and rechargeable. The best one I’ve seen so far is this one right here, but there are many others.
What About Dildos?
In my opinion, and this is just my opinion, dildos are something a woman does to herself when a man isn’t around. When there’s a naked man in her bed, she doesn’t need a dildo (vibrating or otherwise) because she has a cock right there. Therefore, I have never purchased a dildo, nor ever used one during sex, nor ever will. I already have a dick. Your dick + any of the vibrators above should be more than enough. Of course, if you and your lover(s) enjoy using dildos during sex, then go right ahead. You’ll just have to look for dildo advice elsewhere.
Questions and Answers
Here are some questions I’ve received about vibrators in the past:
Do you use the same vibrators on different women?
Of course I do. Vibrators cost money and I’m not buying one for every MLTR or FB I have. Fuck that.
Make very sure you wash them very thoroughly with lots of soap and very warm water right after every usage, and then make sure they are 100% dry. Some vibrators can be washed with alcohol as well; do this if that’s an option. If you (or her) are really paranoid, you can cover the vibrator with a plastic bag (not ideal, but will work) or dental dam (best, but costs more money) during usage.
Yes, some women will complain about a vibrator she thinks may have been used on another woman, but if your frame is strong, you won’t have a problem (I never have.) Once you’re vibrating the hell out of her clit, trust me, she won’t complain about it ever again. If you have an OLTR or high-end MLTR, it’s a good idea to get her “her own” vibrator(s) that you only use on her, but for FB’s and normal MLTR’s don’t worry about it.
I’ve heard that if you always make a woman cum with a vibrator, it makes it harder or impossible for her to cum any other way.
I’ve heard this as well, but I’ve never experienced it. I’ve seen women cum a million times with a vibrator (or masturbate regularly with one) and yet, they can still cum using all the “normal” ways just fine. I’m not saying this is a false rumor, I’m just saying I’ve never seen it.
And ideally, yes, you want to make women cum various different ways, not just with a vibrator forever. Again, a vibrator is simply a back-up tool if the usual methods of making her cum (with your cock, your finger, or your tongue) don’t work.
If she can cum the normal ways, do you use vibrators anyway?
Some men do, but I don’t. As I said above, they’re just not something I’m into. If you like them, go ahead. (I’ve noticed that lots of monogamous people use them because they usually need something to spice up their boring sex lives, but the Alpha Male 2.0 will obviously never have this problem.)
How long do they last?
I’ve never had a vibrator just stop working from old age, so they’ll go for a very long time. However, once I had a Hitachi magic wand die because when I washed the damn thing, I got water inside the electronics. Some vibrators are waterproof, and some are not (the magic wand is not, sadly), so when washing the non-waterproof ones, you’ve got to be really careful.
Isn’t using a vibrator a little beta? I mean, doesn’t it harm your frame or your EFA if you have to use a vibrator to make a woman cum?
If you’re using a vibrator because you have no fucking idea know how to make a woman cum with your cock / fingers / tongue, then yes, it’s somewhat beta, but that’s not what I’m recommending. Get some David Shade books and learn how to make a woman cum. If none of those techniques work because she’s in category 3 or 4 above, then, and only then, use a vibrator. I consider a vibrator a last resort only if my usual “normal” techniques don’t work (and they usually do).
Once you’re at that point, if she has trouble cumming the usual ways with you, she probably can’t cum with other men either. Your willingness to make her cum not only not damages your frame, but makes you one of the most desirable men in her entire sexual history, as well as conferring all the other benefits I listed above when you make a woman cum every time you have sex. Trust me; she’ll fuckin’ love you.