Many years ago, I had an ongoing series at this blog on text game. These were some of the most popular posts at the time, and I was able to write four installments before I stopped writing about that particular topic for whatever reason. Lately, one of the guys at the Alpha 2.0 Community requested that I write about texting while in a relationship, since many guys believe that texting during the pickup and dating phases is actually somewhat easier than after you’re in an ongoing relationship with someone.
Since I’m here to please, today, long overdue, is my next installment in my text game series. I’ll be going over exactly how you should text, and not text, during a FB, MLTR or OLTR relationship. (If you’re curious about how to text in a monogamous relationship, you’re going to have to look elsewhere for advice. I don’t advise men in monogamous relationships because you’re guaranteed problems and drama no matter what you do.)
If you’re curious about my older text game articles for the pickup/dating phases, they’re here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4. Just remember that these articles are five and six years old and my writing skills were not as good back then as they are today. (I also had a much smaller audience back then.)
General Relationship Texting Rules
One of the key nonmonogamous relationship rules is that in addition to seeing her only once a week (FB’s and MLTR’s that is; this does not apply to OLTR), you must also keep the contact when you’re not seeing her to a minimum. Here are the three basic rules you should always follow:
1. Voice and text contact should be at a bare minimum.
Having a conversation (via texting, voice calls, whatever) with a woman literally every day is a quintessential beta male boyfriend behavior that is guaranteed to cause betaization, drama, and demands, at least eventually. You cannot do this. Having contact every other day is also not a good idea. Once or twice a week is best. (Note: OLTR’s can be slightly different. More on this below.)
2. She should contact you more than you contact her.
This should be obvious. If you’re contacting her more than she’s contacting you, that’s needy beta behavior that will start driving attraction downward. The entire frame of a relationship should be that you’re a very busy guy with a very full life, and you don’t have time to contact her a lot. Hopefully, this is actually true (it’s certainly true in my case). Contacting her more than she contacts you demonstrates the exact opposite; that you’re a needy, boring guy with not a lot going on. Is that attractive? Nope.
3, You should only contact her for very specific reasons.
The only time I ever contact a woman (with unusual exceptions of course) is when I want to schedule the next meet. It’s extremely rare that I will text a FB or MLTR for any other reason.
Regularly sending texts to a woman that don’t have specific reasons, such as “how’s it going?” or “what’s up?” or “thinking about you” or telling jokes or bitching about your day (like a girl) are extremely weak. You must avoid these whenever you can. Whenever you text an FB, MLTR, and in many cases, an OLTR, stop yourself and ask yourself what the specific purpose of the text is. If there isn’t one, if it’s “just to talk” or because you’re needy or bored, stop yourself and don’t send the damn thing.
Seriously, you want women to actually complain a little that you either “never text them” or that you “only text them when you want to hang out.” If you’re getting these kinds of complaints, that’s a signal that you’re doing this correctly. (Of course, we don’t want full-on drama either. That’s why you need to follow all the other rules, like making her cum every time you have sex, never giving her drama, never telling her what to do, instantly soft next her if she’s ever a bitch, etc.)
Texting with FB’s
With FB’s, you need to follow all the above rules to the letter. You never have any conversations with them more than once or twice a week, and you should only initiate contact with them when you want to schedule the next meet. You should never initiate contact for any other reason.
This does not mean that you’re not nice. As I’ve said many times, the “F” in “FB” stands for friend. Treat her like your friend, because that’s what she is. This means you don’t have to send her a text out of the blue that says, “Let’s meet up Tuesday night.” (Although you can and I have.) It’s okay to send her a “Hey, what’s up?” text, get a response, and then set up your next meet.
It’s also perfectly acceptable to have brief back-and-forth conversations via texting with FB’s, again provided you’re following all the above rules. Be nice, be friendly, be brief, and move on. Do not have a long, drawn out conversation over texts (or the phone) with any FB.
Texting with MLTR’s
All the above rules apply with MLTR’s, just like FB’s. The difference is that there’s no time limit on how long a text conversation can be. If you want to have a longer conversion over texts, go for it (provided she contacted you, or that you contacted her for a very specific reason, like scheduling the next meet).
Daily conversations are still not allowed, and this can be a problem if you encounter a woman who is all too familiar with monogamous beta boyfriends who contact them every day. Since most men are needy betas, many women are accustomed to contacting the guy they’re dating every single friggin’ day. Not good. You need to train her out of this. Here’s how you do it.
If she’s texting you literally every day, start ignoring her texts every other day. So on Monday she texts you, and you don’t respond. She might send a few more texts that day. Don’t respond. Tuesday she texts you again. This time, respond to it as if nothing happened. If she asks why you didn’t respond yesterday, blow it off or tell her you were busy (but only if it was true; don’t lie to women).
If she texts you on Wednesday, ignore her texts again. If she texts you on Thursday, answer them. Rinse and repeat.
Women are not stupid and are very adaptable. Trust me, she’ll get the point, and soon she’ll start texting you “only” every other day. Then start ignoring her text every first and second day. Soon, she’ll just be texting you about twice a week, which is just about right.
What if she gets upset and gives you drama about this? In my experience, this is very rare, but if it happens, you know what to do: instant soft next!
Texting with an OLTR
Technically, just like how the once-a-week rule goes away when you upgrade a woman to OLTR, the rule about twice a week contact also goes away. However, being in contact with a woman every day is still not a good idea. It’s still likely to cause betaization and drama down the road. While it’s technically allowed, if you’re actually having conversations with your OLTR every single day, your frame better be 100% perfect, rock-solid, Alpha Male 2.0 with no mistakes anywhere else in the relationship. I upgraded Pink Firefly to OLTR about a year ago, and while we talk/text more than twice a week, we still don’t talk every day
Beyond that, there are no hard and fast rules for texting with an OLTR. She’s your girlfriend, so long conversations are just fine and contacting her a little more often than once a week is probably okay. Just remember that OLTR management is all about frame control. If you start getting beta (needy, oneitisy, lonely) or Alpha Male 1.0 (dramatic, demanding, controlling, jealous) or lazy (de facto monogamy), then you need to slap yourself in the face, hard, and snap out of it fast… huge problems are on their way if you start to lose that outcome independent, Alpha 2.0 frame even a little bit. Doing boyfriend/husband things, even if you really are a boyfriend (OLTR) or husband (OLTR Marriage) can be very dangerous to long-term attraction and drama levels. They make it too easy to get lazy and/or start breaking rules. This is why, at least in my strong opinion, OLTR’s are only for older, more experienced Alphas, those who “get it” and never lose their frame.
That’s it on texting in relationships. If this is a popular enough topic, I’ll follow up with more text game posts, both for relationships and pickup/dating.