(Part one is here if you haven’t read it yet.)
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my home,
Not a thing was stirring. Not even my phone.
Pink Firefly beside me, cozy in my bed,
As I tried to sleep, her little dog walking on my head.
When out in my living room there arose a loud spat,
“Oh great,” I said, “What the hell’s that?”
Throwing Firefly’s blonde hair aside, I leapt from my bed.
Disturb my Christmas Eve rest? Yeah. Time to make someone dead.
Staggering into my living room, to my wondering eyes should appear,
But cherry old Saint Nick, Santa Claus! His face grave, his intentions unclear.
“What the fuck Santa?” I asked irritably, in no mood for crap.
“I thought you did all this stuff quietly, without all this mishap.”
“I’m sorry, BD,” he said with great sadness,
“I used to be as quiet as a mouse, but lately it’s been madness.
My magic is no longer allowed, new left-wing regulations you know,
I can’t even use reindeer any more. The SJWs make me drive in the snow.”
“I know,” I said, “The Western world is coming to an end.
But could you just hurry up? I want to sleep, so speed up I recommend.”
He nodded and smiled, and went back to his work.
I even helped him with the presents. (Hey, I’m not a jerk.)
Then suddenly my front door flew open, hitting the wall with a SLAM!
And three men entered, all dressed like Uncle Sam.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked, exasperated to see more men.
“We’re Donald Trump supporters!” they said, “Here to make America great again!”
I said, “I’m leaving this country so I don’t care.
Do your saving somewhere else. You’re becoming a nightmare.”
They shook their heads, and pointing at Santa, they shouted out,
“This guy is an illegal alien from the North Pole. We need to kick him out!”
“You’ll never take me alive!” Santa shouted, a-jiggle with chub,
And with his superhuman strength, he picked up my tree and used it as a club.
Smashing all three Trumpers, killing them with one blow,
“How’s that for green card?” he quipped, “Ho ho ho!”
Before I could speak, three more men entered, all wearing slacks.
“We’re leftists,” they declared, “We’re here to take half your gifts, as a tax.”
“This is my property,” I said, pointing to the tree in Santa’s hands, standing like a steeple.
“Well,” they said, “Clearly you’re racist who hates poor people.”
“Race this!” said Santa, and he lunched the tree like a spear.
It smashed into the SJWs, exploding them, leaving only a red smear.
I turned to him and said, “Earlier, I thought you had absolutely no class,
But now I have to admit Santa, you’re pretty badass.”
We both high-fived and finished up with his work,
And I reminded him he owed me a tree, after having gone berserk.
He smiled, winked, and wiggled his cherry nose.
Instantly a new tree appeared! Fully decorated, smelling as sweet as a rose.
We shook hands and he left, trudging back out to his car,
And I violated my diet, eating an Oreo from the cookie jar.
Firefly emerged. “What was all that noise?” she asked, looking at me oddly.
“Just some Christmas Eve gladiatorial combat,” I said, smiling broadly.
As I took her in my arms, my thoughts turning to the profane,
We both heard a cry in the distance, with a voice like a freight train,
“To men everywhere, Alphas, or those still in the fight,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”
A Very Happy Christmas and a Grand New Year to BD, PF and all our readers and commentators. 🙂 😎 🙂
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
BTW why are there Oreos in your cookie jar?
Happy Christmas Caleb!
So looking forward to this OLTR journey both for you and me. I’m going to learn so much!
This both touched and amused me.
The Western world has fallen and come back to life several times in history.
You probably know Murray’s book on human intellectual achievement. The West has done approximately 98% of the job all through history.
At a certain point life became too comfortable. People began to grow up and turn into adults without encountering ache and hardship.
But ache and hardship, and overcoming them, is all what makes humans men.
Without ache and hardship and the victorious struggle to overcome them there’s no more what humanists called man, there’s just aimless hominids who sink into pools of narcissism some, apathy the rest.
You know, Santa? The thing that gives hope is that when this happens, life becomes tough. Ache and hardships reintroduce themselves into the scenario.
And after some time the white people reach back to their natural, madly envied, Greece-originated greatness again.
The coming tempests will clean away the undeserving, immature, unaware, those who prosper in liberal times and whose aggregate weight wrecks the whole society.
The egomaniac virtue-signalers who in times like this go by the name of artists, intellectuals, celebrities, journalists.
As for specifically America’s greatness, it’s portrayed in the pictures of that gigantic mushroom over a big Japanese city and Germany’s main cities after the war. That was the time where America greatness touched its apex. A civilization based on the absence of thought proudly wiping away civilizations based on thought.
Maybe not many are going to miss the Empire of No-Thought.
But first, since it’s not to be hoped that It will leave the scene in a dignified manner, let’s hope it doesn’t destroy too much of the world in the meantime.
One of Santa’s demonic elves put them there, to tempt me with sin.
Indeed it has. Too bad it turned stupid and suicidal and decided to destroy itself. Egg nog?
We get it, you’re libertarian.
Trust me we can parody that ideology pretty easily, too.
I won’t go into the paragraphs of material but simply state that – there never were any great libertarian empires in history. Any ones that emerged were easily stamped out by superior nation-states that had centralized governments. There are benefits to resource-pooling and centralization, that must be tempered and put in balance with protecting individual and minority rights.
Claiming all taxes is theft though is a bit laughable. There are well-published tax rates in this country – it’s your price for living in this country and enjoying its services (like our second-to-none military). Nothing is free. Don’t like it, you’re free to leave of course. Which it sounds like you’re gearing to do.
Ah, righties and lefties singing the blues,
People upset about my small-government views.
Haha! It’s a damn good thing I don’t give a crap,
For years after I’m gone, this nation will be nothing but scrap.
Ho Fucking Ho!
Fucking great. Merry Christmas to BD n all you guys. Here’s to a glorious 2017!
I love this Christmas story so much more than the first one. But then again, I’m baised cuz I’m a Libertarian too. Happy holidays and keep up the great work!