“I have a boyfriend now,” she said as she took her pants off while standing in front of my couch.
I smiled. Ah, monogamy. She was a friend with benefits I had been seeing for about a year. We were getting ready for another romp.
“Please tell me this isn’t the married guy you were seeing earlier,” I said.
“It is!” she said excitedly, “He just got divorced! He just left his wife and kid and now we’re official.”
For just a second, I wondered how he would react to her having sex with me, but I already knew the answer to that.
“You’re in for a shitload of drama,” I said, shaking my head, “His ex-wife, the divorce, the custody battle over his kid, his family, your friends and family…you’ll be right in the middle of all that. If you want to hook up with this guy, then go for it. But boyfriend and girlfriend? Damn. You’re making a huge mistake. You’re going to be in for it.”
“Well,” she said, “It actually will be because he’s one of my son’s dad’s best friends.”
“Holy shit,” I said, pulling off my shoes, chuckling, “You’re in for a huge avalanche of drama. It’s going to be brutal.”
She shrugged and said, “I don’t care.”
Drama, From Within
False Societal Programming tells us that drama is something that happens to you from some external source. You’re a good person, doing everything right, and whammo! Your bitchy wife, emotional girlfriend, stupid husband or doofus boyfriend throws drama at you.
“WTF?” you scream, “Why is this person giving me drama? I hate drama! Men/women are jerks/bitches! Jeez!!!”
In other words, drama is something that happens to you. You, the innocent victim.
In my experience of analyzing many relationships with thousands of people (as well as my own relationships), I can tell you with 100% certainty that this is almost never the case.
The real story is that drama happens because you purposely create relationships and relationship scenarios where drama is likely to occur.
If you choose to consistently drive 30 miles per hour over the speed limit, that’s fine and that’s your choice. But when a cop pulls you over, gives you that $450 speeding ticket, and you go ballistic and lose your mind, you can’t blame the cop. You can’t blame your local government for ripping people off with too-high speeding tickets. You can’t complain about unfair speed traps.
It wasn’t the cop’s fault. It was your fault.
Oh, I know it feels like it was the cop’s fault or the local government’s fault, but it’s not. You purposely and consciously designed a scenario for yourself where a speeding ticket was extremely likely. If you regularly drove the speed limit or close to it, you would never have been pulled over. You may argue that the speed limits in your area are too low, and as a libertarian I’ll probably agree with you, but in terms of real logistics of your life, that’s strictly philosophical and thus a moot discussion. The speed limit is 55, regardless of your opinion about it. If you constantly drive 85, you have no right to be surprised when you get a ridiculously huge speeding ticket.
If you choose to enter into a relationship scenario where drama is very likely, you have no one to blame but yourself when the drama comes, even if it comes from some person or other source outside of you, and even if it feels like you didn’t do anything wrong.
You can be stupid like my FB, and just shrug and say you don’t care, or that won’t happen to you, or any other excuse. But when the drama comes, and it will, then believe me, you’ll care then. A lot. You’ll scream your head off about it. You’ll blame everyone else for it. Everyone except you.
I just used that FB as an example. I could tell you scores of stories like this. Too many of you men do this. I could give you so many examples, but here are a few of my favorites…
– Men dating married women.
– Men dating women who are drug addicts or alcoholics.
– Grown men in serious relationships with 19 or 21 year-old girls, who are then shocked when their girlfriends act like teenagers. (I’m not talking about FB relationships with 19 or 21 year-olds; these are perfectly fine if that’s your thing. I’m talking about serious relationships with women this young.)
– Men expecting monogamy and complete sexual loyalty from very attractive, very extroverted women, and are shocked and furious when these women cheat, or at least hang out with or flirt a lot with other men.
– Men married to unhappy, bitchy, nonsexual wives, who refuse to leave them and continue to be abused by them because they fear divorce.
– Men who don’t use condoms as much as they should.
– Men who trust women when they say they’re on the pill or “can’t get pregnant” without any verification.
– Men who experience a woman they’re dating who demands, via ultimatums, that he get monogamous, serious, marry her or have a baby with her, and then caves in to her demands because of oneitis. (How could this relationship not end up with major drama down the road?)
– Alpha Males who get into serious relationships with Dominants.
– Men who get women pregnant by accident, then stupidly double-down on the problem by marrying them. (Good Lord, guys. When do these high-pressure shotgun marriages EVER work out? EVER?)
– Men who get married (or move in with a woman) way too young.
– Men who get legally married and don’t make her sign an enforceable prenuptial agreement. (“It’s okay BD, I don’t have any money, so I didn’t need one.” Do you ever plan on having any money, you dumbass? Do you ever plan on making more money than you do right now? Jesus.)
– Cheaters. Men who promise monogamy to one woman while they’re still having sex with other women.
– Men who demand monogamy from a woman who has already cheated on them multiple times. Yeah. Like she’s going to suddenly stop. Uh huh.
– Men who promise absolute sexual monogamy to one woman after they (the men) have lived many years as PUAs or players, having had sex with 50, 80, 100, 200 women or more. Yeah. Like you’re going to suddenly stop. Uh huh. (And you think you won’t get caught? Think again, pussy fart.)
These men, and many others, are purposely creating scenarios in their lives that are virtually guaranteed to create drama. You don’t get the drama as soon as you create them; it may take a few weeks or months before the massive drama kicks in, but it will kick in, and when it does you’ll fuckin’ hate it, regardless of how happy you were temporarily before then.
If you experience drama from a woman (or women) more than two or three times a year, I guarantee you, hell, I’d bet $10,000 of my own money, that it’s because YOU created a scenario under which drama was free to seed, germinate, grow, and flourish. YOU did that. She didn’t do it. YOU did. You could have said no. You could have dated someone else. You could have structured your relationship differently. But you chose not to. Your fault.
Drama in your life doesn’t come from others. It comes from you.