1. Admit you have a problem.
Stop being a child and drop the ego. Every human being on Earth, no matter how amazing, has problems. It’s perfectly fine to admit you have them too.
2. Admit the problem is your fault.
Assuming you’re over the age of 18, and certainly if you’re over the age of 25 or so, every condition in your life is a direct result of either you causing it or you refusing to address it. Click that link above for more information.
3. Accept that only you can fix the problem.
Once you admit the problem is your fault, this empowers you to fix the problem, since if it wasn’t your fault, you’d be doomed to suffer this problem (and others) for the rest of your life.
Accept that your mom, dad, relative, friend, mentor, girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, co-worker, boss, organization, politician or government cannot and will not solve your problem for you, no matter how badly your needy, irrational emotions want them to. Only you can solve it. Yes, other people can help a little, but it’s still up to you. No one is going to solve your problem for you while you sit on your ass and do nothing.
I personally take this a step further. Whenever I first sit down to analyze a problem, I start with the subjective belief that no one can help me solve my problems. It’s not 100% true, but it’s a very empowering belief to start with. It puts the responsibly where it belongs: on me.
4. Remind yourself that you deserve to have this problem fixed.
It’s true that you’re not a special snowflake, but it’s also true that you’ve made it this far in life, and that took a lot of work. You’re not a worthless piece of shit. You’re a man, and you deserve happiness.
If you still think that you don’t deserve to live a happy life, seek therapy or counseling. Seriously.
5. Clearly identify the problem, but don’t spend more than 10% of your time on this step.
Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritties. Sit down, calm down, take a deep breath, and clearly, rationally, and dispassionately define exactly what the problem is.
Do not spend a lot of time on this. Define the problem completely and accurately, then move on. Don’t throw a pity party about how horrible the problem is. Boo fuckity hoo, pal. Define the problem, then shut up and move on to the next step. Stop being a pussy. We have enough of those already these days.
6. Write up a simple action plan to solve the problem.
An action plan is simply a to-do list organized by priority and sequence. Write down everything you need to do to solve this problem. Likely, it will be a shorter list than you think. Then organize the list by sequence (tasks that need to be done before others) and priority (place the most important tasks at the top of the list).
7. Be realistic about how long it’s going to take to solve the problem.
In all honesty, some big problems can be solved in 24 hours. Others take a little longer, like a few weeks. Others take a year or two. Whatever it is, don’t delude yourself into thinking you can solve this faster than you actually can. You can’t lose 70 pounds in two months (cue the nitpickers!). Sometimes, near virgins with negative views of sex and/or women contact me wanting to be master PUAs in three months or less. Other times I get guys who want to start a business from scratch and make $4,000 a month in just a few months.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but it took me about two years of very hard work to get good with women. It took me five years in the corporate world and another 3.5 years of being self employed, working very hard, for me to get to a six figure income. I’ve been working on losing body fat for almost four years now, and I’m still not done.
Things take time. Be aggressive, but also be realistic. Being unrealistic now will cause discouragement later.
8. Mentally pump yourself up by visualizing how great it will be when the problem is gone.
In order to make any change in your life, you need your subconscious mind on your side. Your subconscious mind doesn’t care about facts, numbers, realities, statistics, or common sense. Instead, it’s a ranting, raving, stupid four year-old child who only responds to images and feelings.
One of the easiest ways to get your subconscious on your side is either by visualizing or looking at images on the internet. Find some images that get you to feel good, and actually feel good about solving your problem when you look at them. Motivational music also helps. Do whatever works for you, but do it, no matter how corny it feels. Solving problems is sometimes a huge pain in the ass, so you’re going to need all the motivation you can get.
9. Get to work.
Execute your action plan. Try to do something every day, seven days a week, even if it’s something little you do for 10 minutes.
Any time you feel stressed, upset, defeated, or lazy, go back to step 8. Keep going. Don’t stop. Be a man.
10. Don’t beat yourself up if you screw up occasionally.
If your problem is a big one that takes months or years to fix, then trust me, you’re going to screw up. A lot. As Rocky says, this is fine as long as you keep moving forward. Don’t get discouraged. Always keep going back to step 8 when you need to.
And remember, all ten of the above steps are usually required to fix any problem. None of them are optional.