How can you be Outcome Independent, yet still want what you want?
How do you have a true, don’t-give-a-shit attitude while still having goals, objectives and/or a Mission that you are deeply passionate about?
As I describe in detail in my book, Outcome Independence doesn’t mean you don’t care about any outcomes in your life. If that were the case, you’d simply stay in bed all day and waste away until you died of starvation.
Instead, OI means you don’t care about the outcome of any individual scenario.
For example, when I’m in full-on dating/sarging mode (which I’m usually not these days), my objective is always the same: to bring in 1-3 new women into my FB / MLTR roster. This is my desired outcome. I want this outcome.
To achieve this outcome, I go on the dating sites, run through that process, go on a few first dates, and run through that process. As always, I’m dealing with multiple women at a time, never just one woman at a time, since that would be horrible time management.
When I’m on any one particular date, or talking to any one particular woman, I’m completely Outcome Independent. I literally do not care how the interaction ends up. If she works out, great. If she doesn’t, great. Since I’m using a process that works every time, and since I’m dealing with multiple women, I’m Outcome Independent regarding the outcome of any one woman or one date.
Since OI is an extremely attractive quality to women, this helps my results with women. It also keeps me happy and upbeat regardless of what happens. Win / win.
Yet, during the entire time, I’m still desirous of the endgame goal; to get 1-3 new women on rotation. I’m outcome “dependent” about the goal, but not about the process or any individual woman. I don’t need to stress about the goal, since I know the goal will come.
This extends to every other area of my life, such as in my businesses, my financial life, my fitness life, and every other area of my life where I have goals, of which I have many. My goals are very important to me, but I absolutely don’t give a shit about the outcomes regarding any one individual person, prospect, customer, client, interaction, meeting, investment, or whatever. I’m Outcome Independent.
Just like with women, men in business are also naturally drawn to other men in business who demonstrate OI. Think about it. Who are you more likely to buy from? A salesman who is clearly desperate to make the sale and is pressuring you hard to do so, or the salesman who is polite and personable but clearly doesn’t give a shit about the sale because he doesn’t need the money?
There’s no contest. More people are going to buy from second guy, even if he’s charging more money for same thing.
Outcome Independence is immensely powerful.
Positive About the Goal, Pessimistic About the Details
A similar and equally effective way of looking at this is to be positive about your goal, but be very pessimistic on the details and the process of getting to it. I’ve practiced this most of my life and it’s worked very well for me.
One of my mentors, Dan Kennedy, explains it best with this example:
I fly often. Whenever I go on a plane, I know the plane will get me to where I want to go. If I’m going to New York, I know the plane won’t crash, and I know the plane won’t go to Mexico City. It will go to New York. I’m 100% positive, happy, and expectant about the goal: getting to New York.
However, I’m 100% pessimistic about all the aspects of getting there.
1. I expect delays getting through security.
2. I expect the airline to screw up the flight and leave late.
3. I expect the airline staff to be uncooperative if I encounter any problems.
4. I expect to be uncomfortable with the seating arrangements.
5. I expect them to poison me with the food.
6. I expect poor weather conditions when we arrive, causing even more lateness.
So while I’m positive about the goal, I’m a huge Murphy’s Law pessimist regarding all the steps necessary to get to the goal. Therefore, I make contingency plans to account for all of these things, and I don’t freak out if and when they happen.
This is a good way to look at any complicated process or goal. So many men go into business expecting smooth sailing, when in fact your first year or two in a new business will often be one of the most difficult times of your life. They get stressed out by all the very foreseeable problems that they didn’t plan on, and bail out before they’re successful.
As I’ve discussed at great length, men are constantly meeting, dating and/or getting into relationships with women and expect no major problems, assuming these women will always act rationally and logically. These men are always confounded and infuriated, and I mean infuriated, when these women act like the wonderful but irrational creatures they are.
Here’s a common exchange when I talk to men about women:
Guy asking for advice: WHY DID SHE DO THAT?!? IT MAKES NO SENSE!
Me: Because she’s a girl.
So, want your bottom-line goal, but be Outcome Independent about literally everything else in your life. Expect problems and establish safeguards and contingencies for when these likely problems occur, because they will.
You’ll be a more attractive man and a much happier dude.