Today, I’m going to give some of my usual Controversial Advice™ that a lot of men will completely disagree with. Doesn’t matter. I’m right. This addresses a mistake that I’ve seen hundreds of nonmonogamous (or cheating) Alpha Males make. Virtually every time an Alpha violates this advice he runs into serious trouble in his relationship(s).
One of the biggest screw-ups men make in nonmonogamy is that they mistakenly overlay monogamous concepts anf frames over nonmonogamous relationships. Some monogamy techniques might “work’’ in a monogamous relationship (notice the quotes), but will damage a nonmonogamous relationship or relationship structure.
Examples of this would be guys texting their girl every day, guys taking their FBs out to dinner, or guys going on “event” dates with a woman (hiking, rock climbing, playing pool, concerts, etc.) before they ever have sex with her. These things are all fine for the higher-drama, lower-freedom, scarcity-inducing monogamy model. These are all horrible things for the lower-drama, higher-freedom, abundance model of nonmonogamy.
I’ve talked about the checklist before, including in my podcasts. It’s usually when a woman over age 33 on a first date compares you to her mile-long checklist to the ideal submissive-Alpha man who doesn’t exist. Men often do this too.
There’s one reason for this: monogamy. Under monogamy, you only get to live with, have sex with, date and have feelings for one person. This means that one person literally must be awesome at everything, or else you’re taking a huge risk. That person must be hot and smart and fun and happy and compatible with you and good in bed and a good conversationalist and not vehemently disagree with your political views and not have too many negative habits and comes from a good family and and and AND AND!
This is why searching for long-term monogamous partners is such a huge pain in the ass. You’re searching for one person who checks all the boxes. That’s really fucking hard, and the higher your sexual market value is (i.e. the more attractive a woman is or the wealthier and confident a man is) the harder it gets. Head over to Match.com and you’ll see some of the most frustrated men and women on planet Earth. These are all hardcore monogamists looking for their next perfect spouse. It’s damn hard work (and based on today’s divorce rates it rarely works out anyway).
One of the may beauties of nonmonogamy is that you don’t have to do any of this. Instead of your checklist being applied to one person and being frustrated all the time that you can’t find your Unicorn woman, your checklist is instead applied across several people.
See, it’s not I don’t have a checklist. I sort of do. The difference between me and most other people is:
1. My checklist is very, very short.
2. My checklist can be spread out over 2-4 women. I never, ever attempt to apply the entire thing to one person. That’s unworkable and unrealistic.
For example, I’m attracted to shorter women with bigger boobs. If I was a monogamist, I would constantly be “screening” for short women with big boobs. If, for some reason, I ended up on a first date with a woman who was taller or had smaller boobs than advertised online, I would be upset and frustrated that I was wasting my time, even if she was super hot and we got along great. You see monogamists in the dating pool complain about this stuff constantly.
This never happens to me. Instead, I can have women in my life who not short or don’t have big boobs. Even my primary woman, an OLTR or high-end MLTR, can look the opposite of this ideal. It’s because I can and will have at least 1-2 FBs on the side who are shorter and/or have bigger tits. For example, let’s say my hypothetical main girl is super hot (to me), smart, and fun, but she has B-cup boobs and is 5’10”. No problem. I’ll have two FBs on the side who are 5’2” and are rocking the DDs. I do this kind of thing all the time.
I’m not deprived at all. I’m not frustrated at all. Both my dates and my relationship life are far more pleasant and enjoyable that the typical person who’s monogamous or wants to be monogamous. I never need to find a woman who is a be-all and end-all because there will always be other women in my life who fill in her missing gaps.
Don’t get hung up on the physical example above. Maybe I’m really attracted to women who are super super smart. No problem, I can “end up” with a high-end MLTR who is average intelligence and have a lower-end MLTR who is smart as hell. Again, I win.
Your Main Girl Should Never Be Your Hottest
This brings me to the main point of this article. One of the biggest mistakes I see men make, particularly experienced Alphas, is that they pick the absolute hottest girl they’re dating and make her their main; either a high-end MLTR, an OLTR, or god forbid, a “monogamous” LTR whom they cheat on.
This is a huge mistake. They don’t realize it, but this is a holdover from the monogamy model where your main girl must be “the best,” i.e. the hottest.
If you make the hottest girl your main girl, she will exert massive control over you, even if you’re in a verbally stated nonmonogamous relationship. You know that every other girl in your life is less hot than your main girl. This means you’ll tolerate more drama and crap from her and cave into more demands from her. You’ll be in a position of weakness and even a little scarcity.
She will start to feel this, guaranteed. Trust me, women in nonmono or cheating relationships, where they’re the hottest girl in your orbit know it, and they use this to their advantage, even if subconsciously.
The odds of oneitis and betaization noticeably go up when your main girl is the hottest. All bad.
Lastly, when the relationship ends (and it will) you will feel far more neediness, pain, sadness and loss if she’s the hottest girl in your life. You will now be like so many other needy men I hear whine, “But Blackdragon, you don’t understand, she was the hottest girl I’ve ever been with.”
If your goal is long-term, consistent happiness, a superior model to follow is to have your main girl be very hot (to you), but not the hottest of your current women, nor the hottest you’ve “ever been with.” Have your OLTR or high-end MLTR be a personal 8, then have your side-women (low-end MLTRs and FBs) be personal 8s, 9s, or even 10s. Once you release the monogamy concept of “my main woman must be amazing in all things,” this becomes much easier.
This is always how it’s been with me. I’ve never done this consciously (remember, I don’t screen), it’s just how it’s always ended up, since my “checklist” is spread out over several women and never has to be unloaded on just one.
Every main girl I’ve ever had, whether she was a high-end MLTR or OLTR or close to it, has never been a personal 10. Never. Most have been personal 8s. Just one was a personal 9, barely, until she started gaining weight which virtually all Western women eventually do. While I was dating any of these main girls, my side-women were all super duper hot. We’re talking personal or real 8s, 9s, and 10s.
This was easy, since with the hotter side-girl FBs, all that mattered to me was their appearance. I didn’t care how old they were (had to be legal of course), how smart they were, how fun they were, or how interesting they were to talk to. Once I had my main girl who I really liked who was about an 8, I could go hunt for super hot side-girls and not worry about “quality.” Many of those super-hot FBs were complete idiots. Cool with me; if I wanted to spend time with a smart woman I’d hang with my main girl.
See how this works?
How hard is it to find a super hot girl, a personal or real 9 or 10, who is also smart and fun and mature and stable and etc?
Doable, but pretty hard. At least very time consuming. As usual, monogamy is designed to be problematic and near-impossible from the get-go.
How hard is it to find a super hot girl when you don’t care about anything other than her appearance because you already have main girl who satisfies all those needs?
It’s super easy. I can hop on any dating site of my choice, right now, snap my fingers and I could get at least one, if not two or three of those. It’s so easy I do this stuff in my sleep these days. The world is full of super hot girls.
Let’s compare this model to the above “main girl is hottest” model.
When I have a main girl, I’m always dating other women on the side who are hotter and often younger under an honest nonmonogamous relationship. This means several things:
1. I don’t really care if my main girl gains weight (which she probably will if the relationship lasts long enough). I don’t have to lecture her about what she eats or how much she exercises or any of that stuff. I’ll be having sex with trim and fit hotties on the side no matter what. (Of course my main girl probably shouldn’t become a 400 pound whale since that would cause other relationship problems, but you know what I mean.)
2. All of my biological and often politically-incorrect male sexual fantasies are always fulfilled, regardless if my main girl plays ball or not. I don’t have to make her do anything in bed, nor am I frustrated if she refuses to perform certain sexual acts.
3. Most importantly, she knows that she’s not the hottest girl on the block. She knows I care more for her than anyone else, so in that respect she has some power. But, at the same time, she knows I’m having sex with women who are hotter and often younger than her. Because of this, she knows damn well she can’t crack the whip on me like she could if she was the hottest girl in my life.
4. When the relationship ends (and it will), I have no feelings of scarcity whatsoever. I just keep right on having sex with super hot but possibly lower quality girls like nothing happened. Then, whenever I’m ready, I’ll resurrect old LSNFTEs or hop back on the dating sites and search for a main girl again…and there’s no rush.
Don’t make the mistake most guys make of making your hottest girl your main girl. I know it’s tempting, but if your goal is long-term consistent happiness, use the above model instead.
Note: I’m offering a $500 cash prize (and other cool stuff) for the best success story using any of the concepts I talk about. Go here for contest details. The deadline is Feb 22nd!