Klaus, a reader, wrote in with this question:
Your book is one of the best I’ve ever read but I have a question. On page 203 of the digital version, you say this:
…women see the world, process information, and make decisions using completely different criteria than you do, sometimes in ways that may actually seem irrational or even insane to us men. This is true even if the woman is extraordinarily intelligent, knowledgeable, mature, successful, and/or educated. As a matter of fact, often those very qualities exacerbate a woman’s irrational tendencies, not lessen them.
You don’t continue with the last thought. Are you saying that women of greater intelligence or education are more irrational? Or something else? Thanks for one amazing book!!!!
Do I think smarter women, older women, more successful women, and/or more educated women are more irrational than dumber, younger, less successful, or less educated women?
No. I see a plenty of extremely irrational behavior from dumb, or young, or uneducated women. The problem is that I also see this same level of irrational behavior from women who are more intelligent and educated.
It gets a little more complicated than that, so I’ll do my best to explain the statement I made in the book (which I stand by). It’s an issue of correlation rather than causation. I don’t think there’s causation between intelligence/education and irrationality in the female psyche. However, I’ve seen so much correlation to this stuff over many years of my life, and with so many women, that I’m convinced there’s something to this.
This observation isn’t anything new. I started noticing this way back in 2007-08 when I started dating lots of women after my divorce. I was separated in February of 2007, started dating almost immediately, and by the end of 2008 I had dated quite a bit of women (albeit badly, since I didn’t yet have my online dating or open relationships systems fully formulated).
At the end of 2008, I noticed a very interesting pattern with the women I had dated and encountered. The more intelligent the woman, the more chaos and problems she tended to have in her life. It’s true that the very dumb women also tended to have more problems, but it wasn’t as consistent a pattern as with the more intelligent ones.
About 90% of the time, if a woman was very intelligent, she had major problems with her work, or her finances, or her kids (if she had any), or her ex, or her boss, or her family, or whatever. Moreover, it was usually many of these areas, not just one or two. Yet if I encountered a woman of average intelligence, her life was usually pretty smooth sailing; no major problems or catastrophes. Women who were actually dumb were either problem free or had one, very big problem (usually having to do with a baby daddy), but that was about it. This was quite different than the smart women who tended to have all kinds of problems in many different areas of their lives.
I remember thinking that my observations were simply a weird result of my data set. I was reasonably confident that as I dated more women, I would find that intelligence would not correlate to more problems and drama in a woman’s life.
However, to my surprise, as time went on and I dated more women, the pattern continued. The really smart women, regardless of age, tended to have multiple problems in their lives that were constantly stressing them out. Really dumb women tended to have one big problem, and women of average intelligence seemed to be relatively happy and usually have their shit together.
Hear me on this: I’m not saying all smart women have lots of problems. I’ve known plenty of smart women who had smooth, happy lives, and known average-intelligence women or dumb women who had lots of problems. I am saying that the correlation I’ve noticed between smart women and lots of life problems has been so damn consistent over such a long period of time with so many women, that I think there’s something to this.
I admit I could be wrong here, that this is completely unscientific, and that it’s entirely possible the group of women I happened to have dated over the last near-decade might be a statistical anomaly. So I’ll open this up to the comments.
If you’ve dated (that means had sex multiple times) many women, think back to how smart each of these women were, then think back to how many stressful problems they had. Do you notice correlation between high intelligence and more problems? Or not?
I have some strong theories about this, but I’ll save those for a future post. In the meantime, let me know in the comments, and maybe we can get to the bottom of this.