Today I’m going to give you a quick list of dating techniques that DON’T work.
Why would I do that?
Simple. To save you time.
You may have heard the story about Thomas Edison being asked about his 10,000 failures while trying to invent the light bulb. His answer was, “I have not failed. I have found 10,000 things that don’t work.”
He’s right. Knowing what doesn’t work is hugely valuable information. Back when I was getting good at this stuff, I was hitting the trial-and-error thing really hard. I would test a technique several times on several women, and if it failed every time, particularly if it made the situation worse, I would stop doing it. More importantly, I would make a notation to never waste my time by trying it again. My goal, which I did hit, was to get to a point where all I was doing were things that reliably worked most of the time.
So today I’m going to give you a list of techniques that I have field-tested multiple times which did not work at all, so you don’t have to waste your time trying them out.
1. When Women One Night Stand YOU
True stat from my dating life: I have never, and I mean never, been able to have sex with a woman a second time once she had sex with me once and dropped me thereafter. I have never been able to re-acquire a woman who does this, no matter what I’ve tried. Even if she does respond to my texts and is friendly, we’re never going to have sex again.
Seriously. Not once. If we have sex once and she then vanishes, I will never see her again sexually no matter how hard I try. (Often this is because she was cheating on a boyfriend or husband by playing around with me, though not always.)
This is why, once I realize a woman has one-night-stood me, I just hard next her and move on. I don’t even try at that point; I know I’ll be wasting my time.
This is still true even if the sex was great for both of us, even if she orgasmed, even if the body language with her was positive, even if she said wonderful things about how much she liked me and wanted to see me again, and even if she proactively sent me positive texts the day after. If she vanished afterwards, no technique I have ever tried to bring her back into the fold has ever worked.
Women really do have a mental block about you once they decide you’re a “no” after first time sex or a first date (we’ll cover the first date scenario in a minute). This is one of the many reasons my goal is to have sex with a new woman twice, on two separate occasions, before I consider her “real” and actually in my life. In my ebooks , I call this Lock-In. Once she’s had sex with you twice, she’s in your life now, at least for a while. But if you’ve only had sex once, you’re not there yet (unless you enjoy one night stands, which I do not).
So if you ever have first-time sex with a woman and then she suddenly doesn’t respond to your texts, or is always “busy” when you pitch another meet, or casually blows you off, just let her go. She’s gone. Don’t waste your time on her. NEXT!
2. Re-Acquiring after a Post-First-Date Vanish
This is the exact same scenario as the above except that it applies to a first date where the woman suddenly doesn’t want to see you again. Here’s another true stat from my life: I have never, ever been able to have sex with a woman once she blew me off after a first date.
The reason should be obvious. It simply means she didn’t like me. I wasn’t her type, or whatever. Yet this happens even if I do beat the odds and end up with a second date much later, like 6 months after or even a year or two after the first date. Yes, that’s actually happened to me once or twice. Was I successful in getting to sex? Nope.
Once a woman has had a first date with you and puts you in the “no” category, no force on Earth is doing to turn that around. Once again, you need to next, and move on to the next woman on the list. Don’t waste any time trying to get a second date with a woman who ignores you or clearly blows you off after the first one.
3. Verbalizing Sexual Actions Right Before You Do Them
It took me a long time to figure this out, but once I did I was very happy to never do it again. I’ve already discussed the texting version of this failed technique here.
Never tell a woman you’re about to do anything physical or sexual right before you do it. Tons of guys do this, because it seems like the “natural” or “sexy” or “dominant” thing to do. “I’m going to kiss you,” or “I’m going to fuck you,” or “I want to take your shirt off.”
This goes back to one of my old rules, true today as it’s always been. With women, if you say it, it’s forbidden, but if you just do it, it’s acceptable.
Here’s one very simple example. There are lots of married guys whose wives know they cheat on them, yet they stay anyway. Just think about what would have happened to those guys if on the first date with these women they said, “When we get married, I’m going to cheat on you.”
The woman would have thrown a drink in his face and never gotten married. But because these guys just did it without saying it, the women put up with it.
Sexual escalation works the same way. If you’re on a date that’s going well and you just confidently kiss her, she’ll probably love it. But if you first say, “I’m going to kiss you,” or “I want to kiss you right now,” or the beta male version, “Can I kiss you?”, you’ll spike fear and ASD and you’ll likely get resistance. So don’t say that stuff. Just do it (and of course if she resists, stop.) That applies to kissing, sex, removing clothes, whatever.
Talk about the great sex after you’ve had it. Not right before.
4. Arguing or Debating with Women on Dates
Many men know that demonstrating strong Alpha traits is a good thing that creates attraction. The problem is that many Alphas go too far with this, and fall into the trap of actually arguing with a woman or debating her on some political issue on a first or second date.
Doing this will NOT get you laid. It will just piss her off and you’ll never see her again. Even if you’re right and she’s wrong, you lose.
Never, ever, EVER argue with a woman before you’ve had sex with her twice (meaning on two separate occasions). Never, ever, EVER strongly and verbally disagree with or debate a woman on any political issue she believes in before you’ve had sex with her twice.
Seriously, man. Do you want to be right or do you want to get laid? I choose laid. Every time.
After you’ve had sex with her twice, then you’re in. At that point, you can relax and argue/debate with her all you like and she’ll keep sleeping with you.
A lot of you bastards are intelligent, highly opinionated men with big egos (including me). As I’ve explained in detail before, you need to bite your tongue when she says something stupid, irritating, or something you strongly disagree with. If you want to get laid, shut up and let her spew whatever woman logic she wants. If you still want to go all Alpha Male 1.0 on her later and set her straight, that’s fine, but do it after you’ve had sex with her twice.
5. Kissing on the First Date
I’ve already talked about this one in-depth in my ebooks and elsewhere, so I’m going to just quickly summarize here.
Many guys brought up in the seduction community are addicted to the idea of the “kiss close.” Their goals are to kiss as fast as possible, and somehow turn that into sex. Maybe that works with drunken women at the dance club at 2am in the morning, but in a first date environment, this is death. It will spike ASD and reduce the odds of you ever getting to sex with her. I have massive amounts of empirical data to back this up (and not just my experiences, but those of other men too).
Kino (touch), sex talk, be Alpha, do all that other great stuff on a first date, but do NOT actually kiss her unless you are100% certain that you’ll be having sex on that first date. Save the kissing for true sexual escalation on the second date, when you know your odds of actually having sex are high because she’s already alone with you at your place.
This is another old-school, outdated, and in my opinion, useless technique from the PUA world.
I’ve had sex with a huge number of women, and I’ve probably “negged” less than 3% of them. Negging, a light insult wrapped in the package of a complement to slightly reduce the self-esteem of a woman, will not get you laid. Seriously. It won’t. I haven’t negged a woman in many, many years. Even when I was doing it years ago, I only did it to the super hot 10s. Use negging very sparingly.
If you congruently demonstrate extreme outcome independence with a woman, particularly a really hot one, that will do all the negging you need. You don’t actually have to insult a woman on top of that. Doing this will actually reduce your odds of success with most normal women.
7. Hotel Closes
A hotel close is when you get a woman to a hotel room to lay her quickly for the first time. While I admit I have done this successfully a once or twice in the past, the vast majority of the times I attempted it, it blew up in my face. Far more often than not, I ended up scaring women, insulting them, spiking ASD into the stratosphere, and often wasting a huge amount of money.
The only exception to this rule is when you’re travelling. Under these conditions, you’re already “at” the hotel room, so it’s fine. The hotel room becomes like your “home,” so the dynamic is different. You’re not trying to get her to a hotel room you have to book while she’s standing there, her ASD rising every second.
I’m willing to admit that I may have been doing this wrong, so if any of you guys have had first-time sex in a hotel room when you were not travelling, with at least 10 different women, within the first one or two dates, and you didn’t give these women any money, then please describe in the comments the technique you successfully used so we all can learn. Assuming that doesn’t happen, I’m going to say that hotel-closing is a high-risk, low-reward technique that isn’t worth your time.
If any of you have any other techniques, which I have not listed here, that you’ve tried many times with many women and had a 100% failure rate on (or close to it), please let us know in the comments.