BD, she said on her profile she only dates guys who are younger than 30. What should I do?
BD, she told me she never has sex with a guy until five dates. What should I do?
BD, she told me she would never have an open relationship, ever. What should I do?
One of the biggest differences between men who have dated a lot of women and men who have dated just a few women is that the latter category continue to believe that women communicate just like men. News flash. They don’t. Here I provide a handy translation guide to translate women language into English. You can also look at the comments here where some women fully admit that when women say certain words, like “strong,” “commitment,” or “independent,” they have completely different meanings than those listed in the English dictionary. (You know, that stupid old book we dumb men use to communicate.)
This is why, whenever in a dating or relationship scenario, you must completely ignore what a woman SAYS and only pay attention to what she DOES. Note that I’m only talking here about dating and relationships. You can indeed rely on what women say in other contexts (like in the workplace environment). But in terms of romance and/or sex? No.
To be clear, you don’t do this because women are stupid. They aren’t. Women are quite intelligent and know exactly what they’re doing.
You also don’t do this because women are “lying” to you. They are not lying in the rational, male context of the word “lie.” When you marry a woman and she says “I will love you forever,” of course she’s not going to love you forever, but she often means it when she says it. Later she’ll change her mind of course, but right now, she means it. She’s not lying to you.
You do this because women communicate completely differently than you do. So when she says:
“I never have sex with a man until we’ve had five dates.”
…that’s not what it means in a rational man world. If you translate that sentence in to rational man-language, it means:
“NORMALLY I don’t have sex with guys until we’ve been on five dates, because society has incorrectly told me it’s bad to have sex before then, and what society thinks of me is very important. But if you’re attractive enough to me and use strong enough game, I will happily have sex with you before then, as long as we keep it on the down-low. I can’t actually say this to you right now, because it may blow my chances for some free dinners, and you might think I’m a slut. So I’m going to going with the societal model and act like I don’t have sex with guys until five dates.”
If you’re not very experienced with a lot of women, you’ll have no idea she’s saying all that when tosses her head in the patented Strong Independent Woman™ manner and says “I have a five-date rule.”
Crazy? Yes, but that’s how women work. Get used to it.
If you’d like some more evidence of why you must ignore what women say and only pay attention to what they do, here are some real-life examples I’ve seen or experienced of how many intelligent, educated, mature women proudly, strongly, and clearly declared something in their dating/relationship life, and then proceeded to do the exact opposite.
1. A woman I was briefly dating told me unequivocally that her cardinal rule was that no man was ever, ever, EVER allowed to meet any of her children until she had been dating him for six months. It was her “six month rule,” an absolutely rock-solid law in her life, she said. “My kids come first, I must protect them, it’s not negotiable.” I didn’t want to meet her kids, but apparently other men had asked.
We eventually parted company, and just one month later she had a new boyfriend. Almost exactly one month after that, she plastered a big picture on her Facebook page of her, her new 30-day boyfriend, and all of her kids, all going camping together.
This woman was in her late 30s, college educated, and very smart.
2. Another woman I was seeing in her late 20s, also very intelligent and college educated, once lectured me that she “didn’t do polyamory.” She “respected herself” and “would never do such a thing” like “some other people” in the city were doing. She was quite emphatic about it.
As she was saying those very words she was dating and having sex with three different men; me and two others.
3. Numerous times, with numerous women of all ages, from 20s to well into the 40s, I have heard women on dates go on and on about all the horrible drama they’ve recently had in their relationships, work life, family life, you name it. We’re talking hardcore drama that goes on for months or years. These stories are prefaced and ended with statements like, “I hate drama” and “I never do drama” and “I don’t have time for drama.”
4. A woman once trying to get me to promise monogamy (before we ever had sex) told me very clearly that she “always needed sex three times a week.” That was her absolute minimum. She was “very sexual” and was “embarrassed to admit” she needed it “so often.”
She hadn’t had any sex for six years.
5. This is one of my favorites. Numerous times, with numerous women of all ages, they will proudly declare, “I quit smoking!” or “I quit drinking!” or “I quit smoking weed!” “Isn’t that great?!?” They’re always very excited about this and treat it like it’s a great accomplishment.
When I ask when they quit, they answer, “Four days ago.”
(What percentage of these women quickly go back to the cigarettes/booze/weed a few days later? About 99%.)
6. I once had a woman lecture me at great length about how she “must be free” and how she could “never live with a man” and how other women who lived with men or married men were “weak” and had trouble “finding themselves.” She would never do such a thing, she said. As usual, she was very clear and emphatic about this. It was not just a casual statement.
A year later, we texted. She was living with a new boyfriend.
7. A woman I once dated said that “she could never do monogamy” and she was shocked how “dumb women were” who agreed to it. “You’ll eventually want to hook up with another guy! Why are women so stupid? Those women are just asking for trouble,” she would say.
About a year and a half after uttering those words she got monogamously married. She called me a jerk when I reminded her what she said about monogamy just a few months earlier.
(Yes, she later got divorced. Yes, she then came back to me.)
8. I once had a brief fling with a woman whose best girlfriend charged men money for blowjobs. She was horrified at her friend, calling her a “whore” and a “slut” and how she “didn’t have any self respect.” “I don’t see how she can do it. I would never do something like that. I have self respect and I’m not a whore. Disgusting!”
Two weeks later I texted her to hang out, and she said she would come over and have sex with me but only if I gave her $100.
(I declined her offer.)
9. I was once seeing an over-33 who strongly declared she had a three month rule. She had to have three months of consistent dates before she would ever have sex with a guy. (And you thought the five-date rule was bad!) She repeated this rule often. Of course I told her that her rule was insane and nexted her.
A little later we met up again (long story). She still strongly declared her three month rule.
We had sex on the third date. Total dating time before sex: 1.5 weeks.
I could go on with more real-life examples but hopefully by now you get the point.
Were all these women dumb? Insane? No. They just changed their minds. If you’ve read my book, you know that women are biologically wired to change their minds. It’s what women do.
If she can do a complete 180 on something she just said a few weeks ago, there’s no point in taking what she just said as gospel. That’s why, in a dating or relationship scenario, you must always ignore what women SAY and only watch what they DO.
Make your choices and decisions based on her actions, never her words.