I have spoken (or emailed or Skyped or communicated over forums or blogs) with hundreds, if not thousands of people regarding dating and relationships topics. I’ve also spent a lot of time observing people in these environments. Here are a few random, interesting things I’ve noticed. For once, I will not give my opinions as to why these things are (even though I certainly have them). Instead I’ll pretend I’m a scientist and simply report the observations and you can speculate in the comments as to the reasons.
When a traditional couple gets monogamously married, the man will either view all money earned by husband or wife as “our” money, or he will view his income as “his” money and her income as “her” money.
A woman usually won’t do this. Instead, she will view his income as “our” money and her income as “my” money.
When someone is “In A Relationship” on Facebook, a man is far more likely to include a picture of his girlfriend in his primary profile photo than she is to do the same with him in her primary photo.
I’m serious. Test this out for yourself if you like. Hit up your Facebook and click 30 random guys who are In A Relationship and note if they have their GF in their primary photo. Then click 30 random girls In A Relationship and see if they have their BF in their photo. You’ll find that the men with partner-pics will outnumber the women with partner-pics by at least 70%, likely 100% or more.
This is one I’ve mentioned before. When a boyfriend and girlfriend break up, once the drama of the actual breakup is over, the woman is usually very happy very quickly. The guy is usually angry, sad, or depressed, often for several weeks. It will take him a lot longer post-relationship to get back to a happy state. He will also complain about his ex or the breakup for much longer than the woman will complain about the same. The woman will also find a new boyfriend much faster. The guy will find a new girlfriend eventually, but it will take more time.
The above observation is only regarding boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. In an actual marriage and divorce situation, it’s the complete opposite. Usually, as in more than 50% of the time, once the pain and drama of the actual divorce and/or custody battle is over, the man is very, very happy. Likely he’ll be the happiest he’s ever been in his entire life. As a divorced man myself, I relate to this personally. I have spoken with hundreds of men who have reported this same ultra-happy post-divorce experience.
However, for women it’s usually (as in more the 50% of the time) the opposite. She’s angry, bitter, stressed out, often for years after the divorce. If she’s over 30, the divorce may actually change her permanent perception of men and relationships for the rest of her life. This is where the word “jaded” comes from. Whereas divorced men happily date women and will marry a new one with nothing but positive expectations.
I have no actual stats to back this up, but my observation, and it’s a blatantly clear one, is that unmarried women under age 30 or so drink more hard alcohol than unmarried men under 30.
Think about it. Picture a young couple at a bar. What is she drinking? Some kind of mixed drink with hard liquor in it. What’s he drinking? A beer.
Granted, he’s going to have several beers, but she may easily have two or more of those mixed drinks. So who ends up drinking more actual alcohol by the end of the night?
Who cheats more often? Men or women?
If you listen to most people and read the surveys, everyone seems to think it’s men. Is this true?
My observation, and this is another one of those very clear and obvious ones, is that men and women cheat equally as often but women take longer to do it. So if you have a young BF/GF couple in their twenties, if he’s a cheater, he’ll cheat pretty fast. Perhaps even within the first few weeks of the relationship. If she’s a cheater, she’ll wait well past NRE, at least four or five months, perhaps even a year or longer. During NRE women are extremely loyal, whereas men can cheat at any time, even during NRE.
It’s the same with marriages except that the time frames expand. If he’s a cheater, the husband can cheat at any time; the first year, the third year, the tenth year, whenever. If the wife is a cheater, she’s going to wait until the Disney fades after the three-year mark before she starts getting some cock on the side. If she has a small baby she will also usually wait until that baby is a little older before she starts cheating.
But once the three-year mark and baby-time are both over, she’s not going to be any more sexually faithful than the typical man. I’m even leaning in the direction of stating that in marriages lasting longer that 15 years, if anyone is currently cheating, it’s more likely the wife than the husband.
Again, I’m talking about what usually happens, not what happens 100% of the time. There are exceptions to all of these generalizations of course. I’ve seen men completely faithful for 10-15 years and I’ve seen women cheat on guys within the first month. But both of those are the unusual exceptions to the rule.
Men tend to learn from their relationship mistakes, whereas women, even smart ones, tend to make the same relationship mistakes over and over again, often for decades. That statement is a little misleading so I’ll do my best to clarify with an example.
If a woman has a boyfriend who lies to her a lot, after a shitload of drama she’ll dump him, then go get a new boyfriend who is also a rampant liar. She’ll dump him, get a third boyfriend, who again is another huge liar. Soon she will start assuming that “men are all liars!”, when in fact she keeps bringing men who lie to her into her life over and over again.
Do men do this? Sometimes, but not really. Usually, if a guy has a girlfriend who is a huge liar, after much drama the relationship will end, and then he’ll make damn sure that the next girlfriend he gets is an honest person. And usually, his next girlfriend really will be honest. The guy will learn from his mistake and (usually) not repeat it. Very different from the female pattern.
This is why you often see women complain about the same stuff regarding men over and over again, and you don’t see men complain about women in nearly the same way as often. Men do tend to “upgrade” their partners in ways (most) women do not.
Before you men start patting yourselves on the back, there’s a huge danger with this. This upgrade ability in men often fools men into thinking that the next relationship won’t have the same problems as the prior one. One of my biggest complaints with divorced men is that they get monogamously married without a prenup AGAIN. He’s thinking, “My last marriage didn’t work because she was a bitch. This new wife is Different™. She’s Not Like The Rest™ so this time it will work!” He doesn’t realize that his marriage failure wasn’t necessarily about the quality of the woman; it was instead the structure of long-term monogamy that doesn’t work for men or women any more, and that once the three-year mark has passed he’ll encounter many of the exact same problems with his new wife.
But that’s another conversation. 🙂