I am about to show you that many women are anti-monogamy even though you would never expect it, nor would they ever admit it. It’s a point I’ve made before here, but today I’m going to show you even more evidence of this.
Here is a recent post to the Dear Abby advice column. It is a copy and paste, but I bolded some of the type at the bottom.
DEAR ABBY: I have met a darling man I’m compatible with in every way.
We have similar tastes in just about everything from decorating and
landscaping to entertainment.
My problem is his past. From what he says, he has never had a
monogamous relationship, even during his marriage. After the divorce he
pursued anything female.
When we are out at a club or a concert, I constantly encounter women he
has been with. He tells me he is happy for the first time in his life
and he would never cheat on me.
I have never been the jealous type, and I’m really not now. I just
don’t want to be the woman everyone is laughing at because they know
his history. As I said, we are content and happy, but I need to move
past this or move on, I guess. — THE CURRENT WOMAN
DEAR CURRENT WOMAN: You say this “darling” man has never had a
monogamous relationship — before, during or after his marriage.
Therefore, the odds aren’t great that he’ll have one with you.
It’s time to ask yourself (not me) if you would be willing to tolerate
his fooling around if you were his wife. Some women — the wives of
attractive or powerful men — are open-minded about it if their
husbands are discreet. The real question is, are you?
Before I roll into this, let’s clarify one thing:
Cheating Is Not Monogamy
Many times men have tried to fight me on this, saying that if they have a wife or girlfriend and they cheat on her, it’s still a monogamous relationship. Um, no. That’s not what monogamy means. If that upsets you, get upset at the dictionary. Monogamy means you’re having sex with just her, and she’s having sex with just you.
This irrational defensiveness about the definition of monogamy is exactly why I have two versions of monogamy in the glossary.
I have said this to women, and I have said this to men: if you are in a relationship where someone is cheating on you, and you maintain the relationship anyway, you are in an open relationship whether you admit it or not. You’re not in a “declared” open relationship, true. But you are not monogamous.
Yes, we could get into an esoteric discussion about “emotional monogamy” or whatever, but you know what I mean. Being emotionally monogamous but sexually nonmonogamous is great. That’s called an OLTR. Just remember what that “O” stands for in OLTR. It stands for OPEN, baby.
I find it amusing, even to this day, when a married man (or married woman) comes to me defending monogamy, only to admit under my questioning that either they or their spouse have cheated multiple times during their marriage. The conversation always ends the same way, with me saying, “Thank you for proving my point about long-term monogamy not working.”
So please, let’s use correct English definitions for words when we speak English.
Women Let Men Cheat…Under Certain Conditions
Alright, now to the point. In the above article, you have a very well known and respected (as much as Dear Abby is “respected”) columnist, deeply steeped in Societal Programming, actually coming out publicly saying what I’ve been saying for many years.
That is, many women will tolerate their husbands fucking women on the side as long as the husbands are discreet about it. She qualifies this by saying “attractive or powerful men”, but notice how the woman asking the question didn’t say her boyfriend was attractive or powerful.
What Dear Abby was saying is “men of high value” are not monogamous, and their wives know it, and put up with it. They consider it “worth the price” of being married to a high value man. I have demonstrated this in detail with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s marriage right here. His wife was perfectly happy to allow him to fuck around until he got the maid pregnant. Only when he became non-discreet did she have a problem.
Bill and Hillary Clinton work the same way. Hillary Clinton, regardless of what you may think of her, is a highly intelligent woman. She’s known damn well during her entire marriage to Bill what he was doing in his spare time when she wasn’t around. The rumor around Arkansas and Washington DC from people who know them personally, and I believe it, is that Hillary allowed Bill to fuck around all he wanted as long as the side-women were discreet, mature, married women with a lot to lose if word got out about the affair.
Only when he broke the rules of their OLTR marriage and got sexual with a young, dumb intern, and got caught in a very public way, did she get upset with him.
It’s not the fucking around on the side that bothers these women. It’s being non-discreet that bothers them.
More importantly, this does indeed expand into the normal world of normal women who are not married to male models, rich celebrities, or powerful politicians. MOST women will tolerate you getting a little on the side provided:
2. You’re discreet.
3. You satisfy her other Disney needs.
Most men are reasonably good at item number three. It’s items one and two they constantly screw up on. Thus they end up thinking, incorrectly, that women “won’t let them” fuck around.
So they promise monogamy, then cheat (because that’s what men do), get caught, and suffer all kinds of drama at best, breakups and divorces at worst.
Tyrese Gibson very bravely said that women should expect men to cheat, and caught a lot of hell for it. He was absolutely right, albeit in an Societal Programming, Alpha Male 1.0 way, which is, get ‘monogamous’, cheat, and put up with the drama fallout. The Alpha Male 2.0 skips all that lying and deception and simply never gets monogamous in the first place, eventually ending up with an OLTR or high-end MLTR who he really likes, and who has always accepted his nonmonogamy without being lied or bullied into it. Much less work, far superior results.
You need to constantly remember that even women who scream to the rooftops that they would “never have an open relationship” would probably put up with a cheating husband as long as he was a good husband and very discreet. In other words, she would have an open relationship; she simply doesn’t like the term “open relationship”.
As time goes on, expect to see more of this message seeping out into the mainstream. And yes, this is a good thing, considering long-term monogamy doesn’t work. It’s about time people recognize alternate systems that work better (or at least, less badly).