The topic of Alpha Male “voluntary” friend zone is something I’ve had a lot of arguments about with manosphere guys. Get ready to be pissed.
One of the most quintessential beta male things to do is to try to repeatedly have sex with a long-time platonic female friend. The problem is when PUA / Alpha guys, especially the more extroverted ones, fall prey to this voluntarily. “She’s fun to hang out with. So what if we’re not fucking?”
Yikes. I see this far too often, and I shake my head every time.
These guys seem to think that the friend zone is bad for betas, but perfectly acceptable for Alphas as long as the Alpha is aware of what he’s doing. I’m about to explain to you why this is complete bullshit, and why having hot platonic female friends you want to have sex with but aren’t is a very bad thing to do, not only for your sex life, but also for your frame, self-esteem, and social standing.
If you disagree with that after reading my below points, then great. Present your argument in the comments and make sure you present rational points to back up what you say instead of just raw emotion or opinion.
When Having Female Friends Is Okay
Generally speaking, having platonic female friends is fine. For purposes of speed I’ll call them “PFF” for the remainder of this article, a Platonic Female Friend you are not having sex with and never have.
- Having PFF coworkers is perfectly fine. I have a hard and fast rule that I do not have sex with women I work with, and I hope you adopt the same rule. So PFFs at work? Totally fine.
- Having PFFs you are not attracted to in any way is also fine. You can have all the PFFs you like as long as you aren’t sexually attracted to these women. Fat, ugly, or too-old PFFs? Perfectly fine. (I have a PFF who is 60 years old. She’s great.)
- Having PFFs who are married to other men, and are thus unavailable, is also, I think, okay. However these are less of an issue because you’re not going to be hanging out with these women as often, and certainly not one-on-one.
But what about having a hot PFF who is not married, to whom you are attracted sexually? Ah, now we have a problem…a very big one. This is a very, very bad idea. I shall explain.
The Dangers of Hot PFFs
I have a few PFFs in my life, mostly work related, but all of these women are people I am not sexually attracted to. I have no women in my life who are complete PFFs who I think are hot and therefore want to have sex with. All the women in my life I’m attracted to are women I’m actually having sex with (or ones I have nexted and gone radio silent with). You should have your life structured the same. Here are the reasons why, listed in no particular order.
1. What’s the point?
Seriously, what is the point of spending time with a hot woman you want to have sex with but can’t, when you could be spending your time with a hot woman you are having sex with? Really think about that for a minute. I don’t think you can come up with any rational reason to do such a thing.
Sure, if you’re a complete loser, and are not able to have sex with anyone because you’re such a hopeless beta, then I guess it might be better to hang out with hot chicks as PFFs rather than be alone in your house. But is a hopeless beta pussy what you are? Or what you aspire to be?
Do you honestly think a woman-successful Alpha spends his precious time with women he thinks are hot whom he can’t have sex with because they’ve friend-zoned him? If you do, you have a very different view of an Alpha Male than I do.
Why, oh why, would I take time away from my beautiful FBs or MLTRs to spend time with a PFF? It makes absolutely no sense.
2. Alpha Males don’t live in friend zone.
Friend zone is for betas. Only beta males reach friend zone with a girl and then choose to stay there. When an Alpha gets friend-zoned (which is rare but it does happen), that Alpha nexts her ass faster than she can say “Cat In The Hat”, and he’s on to the next woman…and then shortly getting laid. He doesn’t hang around and create a new sexless PFF. Hell no! Again, that’s what betas do.
Let the betas live in friend zone. You have better things to do. Hold yourself to a higher standard, god dammit!
3. It damages your frame and self esteem.
So there’s a hot PFF in your life whom you’ve tried to have sex with once or twice and she’s said no, and kept you in friend zone. Now you’re still hanging out with her, because she’s “fun” or whatever. You still want to nail her, but you can’t, and she’s still right there in front of you in all her beautiful feminine glory. You can look at her, talk to her, joke around with her, spend time with her and feed her ego, maybe even pinch her ass occasionally, but you can’t take her clothes off and have sex with her.
How does this make you feel? Honestly, how does it make you feel? Does this make you feel like a badass? Does it make you feel like an Alpha Male? Does it boost your self-esteem or drop it down a little? Does it strengthen your frame as a man who is desired by women, or does it damage it a little?
You know the answer. By spending time with a PFF you want to fuck but can’t, it damages your self-esteem, frame, and self-worth…even if just a little bit. Does that sound like a good idea to you? Is this damage worth spending time with her just because it’s “fun”? (Especially when you could be spending time with women just as hot as her you could be having sex with?)
4. It reduces your standing within your entire social circle.
This especially applies to you more extroverted guys with big social circles. When you are hanging out with this hot PFF while not having sex with her, everyone knows this. Don’t tell me they don’t. Word gets around fast. They know you ain’t hittin’ that…but you’re still hanging around her like her little puppy dog…and everyone sees it.
How do you think this affects how other men view you? Does it make these men respect you? Look up to you? See you as a role model? Or a chump?
How about the other women in your social circle? Does this make you a more attractive, desirable man in their eyes? Or does it make you look like just another sycophant beta male?
Again, you know the answer.
You could respond with, “But if I walk around with this super hot chick, lots of people will think we’re having sex! That will improve my social standing. Social proof, man!” Absolutely, social proof is effective, but my response to that is: Why don’t you do the same thing with a hot chick you’ve had sex with before? Isn’t that ten times better? Why the hell are you settling for the no-sex option? Especially when everyone knows?
(The only exception to the rule I can think of is when you’re introducing yourself to a new group of people you don’t know. Then yes, the social proof might do you some good. But I’m talking about social circles here; people you know.)
I think Alphas who defend spending time with PFFs are just being lazy. It’s so much easier to get social validation from your hot PFF you can hang out with whenever you want than it is to go open 20 new women and get laid. I think this kind of “Alpha friend zone” becomes a comfort zone built from laziness rather than the desperation of beta friend zone. But it’s still friend zone, and it is still harmful to you.
Hey, if you are, and want to continue to be a hopeless beta male, then ignore this advice and do whatever you want. But if you want to be an Alpha, you cannot be spending time with hot PFFs you want to have sex with but can’t. Take that time and instead put it into achieving your goals, your Mission, or having sex with other women.