The movie Don Jon recently came out on video. This is one of those rare times where a movie can teach us some real-life relationship skills. As usual when I do this, I will try to keep things reasonably spoiler-free but there will definitely be minor spoilers. It was written and directed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who also stars in the film. While the movie is somewhat predicable, it’s a great example of an Alpha (though a very flawed one) who slowly succumbs to betaization from a woman who is Not Like The Rest™…a story I’ve sadly seen in real life all too often.
Levitt is Don Jon, a dumb, low-income, Jersey-Shore-like meathead and player who listens to Marky Mark and is addicted to porn. So much so, that after he has sex with a woman he runs to his laptop to beat it right after she falls asleep. He enjoys porn more than actual sex, and as he narrates the movie he lists the reasons.
One of the reasons, he says, is that girls don’t give blowjobs, especially pretty ones. Even if they do, he says, they’re “in a rush”. None of this has been my real-life experience…I’ve had many blowjobs from many very pretty women that were quite fantastic, and rarely have a problem in this area. But I digress.
His overall point is a something I’ve heard echoed by other men I’ve met who are really into porn, that is that porn is “easier”. I’m not into porn because I think it’s a very bad idea. More on this in a minute.
Don Jon has dinner nightly with his family, including an extreme Alpha Male 1.0 father (played by Tony Danza, who does a great job), a mother who constantly bitches to Don Jon that he hasn’t settled down yet (I can relate), and a sister who’s face is always in her phone.
Long story short, after picking up chick after chick at the club, he finally starts dating a “ten” named Barbara, played by Scarlett Johansson. Barbara is a typical Dominant. When Don Jon tries to have sex with her for the first time, she demands that they meet each other’s friends and family first. And that he starts going to college so he can “make something of himself”. She even picks out his classes for him.
Don Jon, being consumed by oneitis and NRE, goes from Alpha to beta in a nanosecond, and obeys like a little bitch. He starts hanging out with her 24/7, meets her family, has her meet his family (with his Alpha Male 1.0 father who can barely contain himself when he sees how hot Barbara is), starts attending a college class he hates, and stops hanging out with his friends. (Any of this sound familiar? Hmmmmm?)
Worse, he does all this while NOT having sex with her, a fact she even brags about to her girlfriends (who also being Dominants, congratulate her on the little bitch she’s created for herself).
After over a month, they finally have sex (a reward for him going to college as she ordered), and afterwards he watches porn while she sleeps. She catches him doing it, and freaks out. Being a Dominant, she throws yet another rule at him. He is never allowed to watch porn ever again.
He does what most men do in relationships when a new woman who is Not Like The Rest™ throws down a rule. He makes a promise he knows god damn well he can’t keep and agrees to her demands. Because, you know, he Doesn’t Want To Lose Her™. It’s strange that men don’t realize this is simply another form of lying, but they do it anyway.
Now look, I think watching too much porn is very bad for a man. I barely watch porn. Perhaps once a month at most, and I mean that literally. The last time I actually watched porn was because I was with a woman who requested it.
Don’t watch too much porn; it damages your frame. That being said, if Don Jon was an Alpha 2.0, he would have said to her, “Look, I watch porn a lot. It’s what I like. I’m going to keep watching it, and I will never change. If that’s a dealbreaker for you, then you should probably go date someone else.”
The amazing thing is that if he said that, and said it a confident but non-angry way that was congruent to his prior behavior, she probably would have gone along with it. This is one of the biggest things men don’t understand about women. It is the act of subservience to them that turns them off. Perhaps not immediately, but eventually.
Changing For Her
I doubt very much that you’re addicted to porn. At least not as bad as Don Jon. However, I am confident you have a behavior or two that a future (or current!) woman you Really Like™ is going to absolutely hate. Some common examples:
- Maybe you smoke weed.
- Maybe you like to hang out at the bar often with your buddies.
- Maybe you watch a lot of sports on TV.
- Maybe you work long hours because you love your job or business.
- Maybe you travel a lot.
- Maybe some of your buddies are fun but stupid and crass.
- Maybe you never get monogamous and like to have sex with more than one woman at a time.
- Maybe you have a very engrossing hobby you spend a lot of time on, like martial arts, or working on the car in the garage.
It doesn’t matter what it is, but I’m sure you do something from the above list or similar to it, and enjoy it. I’m also sure you’re eventually going to start dating an Amazing Woman™ who is Not Like The Rest™ who’s going to hate it and demand you stop doing it.
THAT IS THE MOMENT when we’ll all discover what kind of man you are. If you’re a beta, you’ll puss out and obey. If you’re an Alpha 1.0, you’ll argue with her, throw your weight around a little bit, and if she’s Not Like The Rest™, then you’ll puss out. After that, in either case, you’ll eventually renege on your promise, and start doing that thing again behind her back.
Then, because you’re a guy and we guys are terrible at keeping secrets from our women, you’ll get caught. (There’s a funny scene where Don Jon doesn’t realize browsers have a thing called “history”.) Then you’re in for drama from hell, and maybe she’ll leave you. Which is exactly what happens to Don Jon (though that’s not really a spoiler, since it’s very predictable and it’s not the end of the movie).
If you’re an Alpha 2.0, then instead of all this crap you’ll just give her the mini-speech I laid out above. This is what I do, I’m not changing, if you don’t like it, you’re welcome to leave. (And likely she will not.) Even if she does leave, you’ll shrug, and then go get another one. (See…that’s the secret about women who are Not Like The Rest™…there are thousands of them in your city alone.)
I’m not saying porn addiction is good. It’s quite destructive. I’m saying if you watch Don Jon, you should use his love of porn as a metaphor for that “thing” you love doing that your future (or current!) girlfriend/OLTR demands you stop doing. Are you going to cave in like a little bitch so you Won’t Lose Her™? Are you going to guarantee her attraction for you drops several points because now she knows you’re her little bitch?
Or are you going to maintain your standing as a free man, and maintain her attraction for you, even if she gives you a little shit for a few minutes that you’re not following the program? Or even better, do you avoid getting serious with Dominants altogether so you won’t have that problem in the first place?
Sadly, the majority of you, while in the throes of oneitis or NRE or both, are going to choose first option, and suffer all the usual consequences men have been suffering for decades.
A few of you will walk a different path.