This article is for all of you guys who just had a relationship end or who have decided to get back into the game after a long dry spell. It’s for guys starting from zero.
I’ve taken everything I know and distilled it all down into 12 steps to get you started on your new journey. These 12 steps will get you from zero to the women as fast as possible. They’re not easy; everything of value in life requires work. But they do work, and work fast.
These steps are designed to be followed in the precise order given. If you’re a beginner, don’t attempt to do these steps out of order or skip steps unless the description says you can.
The 12 Steps
1. Put all of your non-woman, non-fitness life projects and goals on temporary hold. That means you’re going to have to temporarily suspend any financial goals, educational goals, spiritual goals, travel goals, or any other goals you have that have nothing to do with women or your physical appearance. Just put those areas on maintenance mode for a while. Don’t worry, you will be getting back to these areas in a few months. For now just temporarily suspend them.
2. If you are not more than 15 pounds overweight, skip this step and proceed to step 3. If you are 15 pounds overweight or more, you must start losing weight. This is mandatory. You certainly don’t have be skinny or ripped to get women (trust me on that one) but you do need to lose as much fat around your chin, belly, and chest as you can.
- Use an online calculator (there are many) and determine your BMR (basal metabolic rate) or TDEE (total daily energy expenditure).
- Download the smartphone app “Lose It!” and start using it religiously. It’s free, easy, and very effective. Eat a mild daily caloric deficient based on your BMR/TDEE number above.
- Make a commitment to measure (with measuring cups and/or a cheap kitchen scale) every food item before it goes into your mouth unless you’re on a predesignated cheat day.
- Stop eating anything made from a grain or a potato (unless it’s a cheat day).
Just by doing the above 4 items you’ll start losing weight immediately. Some of you more chubby guys could drop 10-15 pounds within the first week or two. When you do, keep going. Don’t stop until you’re at least a moderately healthy average weight for a man your height and age, or close to it.
3. If you already lift weights, skip this step and proceed to step 4. If you don’t already lift weights, you need to start right now. If you have the time and really want to get into it, get a gym membership and start going three times a week. If you are a busy guy and/or just want to do the minimum, which is fine at this point, order a band resistance set and start doing the exercises it recommends, at home, at your convenience.
Now look god dammit, don’t go crazy with the weight lifting right now! Yes, lift weights, but your goal is not to get ripped right now. Your goal is to get laid. To that end, your goal is to get your muscles a little bigger and harder so you have more confidence when talking to women, and to raise your odds of success with them due to your enhanced appearance.
4. If your height is about 5’10” (179 centimeters) or over, this step is optional and you may skip this step and go to step 5. If you are 5’9″ or under, you need to alleviate your height disadvantage as best you can. Get some shoe lifts and place them in your shoes whenever you go out to meet women or on a first date. There are many types and sizes to choose from based on your height. Never, ever use your lack of height as an excuse; you have too many options to help with this.
5. Go clothes shopping with two women under the age of 30 and have them help you pick out one or two “date outfits” for you to wear on dates or when meeting women. This is one of the very rare times that taking a woman’s dating advice is useful.
Your date outfit should be in modern styles that fit your body perfectly (a little too tight is better than too lose) with colors that compliment your hair, skin, and eyes. Two shirts and one pair of pants is all most men need (though some guys will need a new pair of shoes also).
6. Between the three options of night game, daygame, or online dating, pick ONE of these. JUST PICK ONE YOU BASTARD. Look, I know you. You’re going to get all excited and try to do many different methods at once, thinking your odds will be better if you shotgun this. If you’re already at an advanced or high intermediate level, then fine. But if you’re a beginner, NO.
Pick just one, and for the time being completely ignore the other two. Designate one week as “research week”. Go online and download 2-3 good ebooks in your chosen focus area and learn the system. (Obviously if you chose online dating you should get my ebook on that immediately.) Over your research week, develop of plan of action of exactly what you will do.
7. Go to my blog post about nine steps to avoid oneitis, read it, print it out, and slap it up on your wall. You don’t need to actually worry about adhering to it…yet. You just need it there for when you start meeting women. As a beginner, you are going to be very susceptible to oneitis as soon as you find a cute girl who likes you. Make a pact with yourself that as soon as this happens, you will re-read that post and remember what’s what.
Moreover, make yourself a solemn pact that you will NOT get a monogamous girlfriend for at least the next six months, even if you meet an amazing girl who is Not Like The Rest™ who really likes you, and that you will not stop meeting and having sex with new women for at least six months (even if you meet an amazing girl who is Not Like The Rest™ who really likes you).
Your goal here is to develop a necessary skill that you can rely upon the rest of your life. It is not to leap into a monogamous beta male relationship with a girlfriend as fast as possible. You can always do that later if you still want to (and hopefully you won’t).
Getting a traditional monogamous girlfriend is the easiest thing in the world. Pussy AFC beta males do it all the time. Your goals should be better than this.
8. If you are under the age of 40, you are only allowed to open women age 32 or under. The younger the better (but don’t sleep with underage women please…don’t be stupid). If you are over 40, you are allowed to go a little above age 32 if you have to, but try to keep the woman as close to age 32 (and under) as you can based on your age and looks.
One exception to this: If you are well under 30, are ripped, lean, and muscular, and/or are very good looking, then you should go for the older milfs and cougars…they’ll put out fast for you if your game is decent. (Be sure to always dress very casually when meeting new women if that’s the case.) But that’s the only exception to this rule! The other 97% of guys out there need to follow the rule-of-32 to the letter! (Later, when you get good at this, you can hit up the older women if you still want to.)
9. At the end of your seven-day research week, blast into action.
If your weapon of choice is night game or daygame, open 100 women of the correct age range as fast as your schedule allows. If you’re a more confident guy, go for the hottest women you can. If you’re not super confident yet, don’t be too picky about how hot the women are. For you, quantity is what’s more important at this point.
If your chosen style is online dating, you must blast out at least 350 openers to women of the correct age range. You must send 350 openers before you evaluate whether or not it’s “working”. You need to be careful not to do this too quickly to set off any of the online dating sites’ filtering features.
If you need to sign up to multiple dating sites to get your 350, do so. (If there’s not enough women on all the dating sites to get to 350 within a few short weeks, your town is too small for online dating as a primary focus area and you need to switch to daygame. Or move to a bigger city.)
Do not stop until you get to your number (100 or 350). Follow the system you came up with in step 6 and don’t deviate from it (yet).
10. Track your results on paper or a spreadsheet. Track whatever numbers you like, but the most important number is how often you actually have vaginal intercourse with a new woman per open or per first date. Do NOT get hung up on “response rates”, or phone numbers, or makeouts, or any of that other ego-feeding garbage. Actual SEX is all that counts.
11. When you hit your number of openers, pause and review your results. Likely, you did a lot of stuff wrong. That’s okay. Make some changes in your system. Then hit up another 100-200 women. Then track your results again, and see if they improved or declined. Adjust accordingly as your results slowly start getting better and better.
12. Keep doing step 11 over and over again for at least six months, preferably 18 months if you want to get good at this. Keep lifting weights. If you’re chubby, keep measuring your food and counting calories (but do take an occasional cheat day now and then). Keep reading this blog and others like it to stay plugged into the system until you get good. And remember, no girlfriending anyone for at least the first six months. Don’t puss out on this.
That’s it! You’ve got a wonderful journey ahead of you! Get to work!