This is the first of a two-part post.
I’ve talked a lot about marriage, divorce, alimony, and prenuptial agreements. One aspect of this I have not discussed much is child support, which is very different than alimony, and has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage.
If you didn’t already know, child support is government-mandated payments made from one parent to another with the expectation that the money paid will be spent raising the kid(s).
I support the overall concept of child support. It’s how we go about it that’s all wrong.
Many men are surprised by several facts regarding child support:
1. Child support has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage. If you get a girl pregnant, you legally owe her child support even if you aren’t married to her and barely know her.
2. Child support is not prevented by having a prenuptial agreement. If you have a woman sign a prenup, marry her, then have kids with her, then get divorced, you will still owe her monthly child support until the youngest child turns 18, regardless of what the prenup says or protects. A prenup protects you against spousal support (alimony) and communal property (her getting “half”). It does not affect child support in any way.
3. Men can and do go to prison for being unwilling or unable to pay child support. I have personally met and spoken to many such men. Other common penalties for men not paying child support are things like getting your driver’s license suspended, your wages garnished, and your professional licenses suspended. Not paying child support is very serious business.
4. I can tell you from personal experience that government does not care why you can’t pay your child support. If you get laid off from your job through no fault of your own, or the economy takes a downturn and you can’t pay your required amount of child support any more, the government does not give a shit. You pay, or you go to jail.
5. In most governments, paying child support is still legally required of you even if the mother refuses to let you see your kids.
6. In most governments, the specific amount of monthly child support you pay has nothing whatsoever to do with what you and the mother negotiate or decide. Instead it’s a mathematical formula. Usually the formula is based on the amount of your average monthly income minus the amount of her monthly income, and then they factor in the number of days you’ll have your kids. From there, they just hand you a number, and that’s what you pay, regardless of all other factors. (That means that if the mother was a stay-at-home mom, she gets much more child support from you, and she is far, far more likely to be awarded custody in a dispute.)
7. Child support (usually) ends only when the child in question turns 18, irrelevant of all other factors. That means if you accidentally get a woman pregnant, she owns your wallet for 18 years.
8. This one really surprised me years ago when I discovered it as I was formulating ways to create an OLTR marriage. There is no legal way to “opt out” of paying child support even if the mother agrees she doesn’t want your money. There is no legal procedure or document you can sign where you can “get out” of paying child support.
True, if you don’t pay and the mother doesn’t care you’re not paying and she doesn’t push the issue with the government, you can possibly get away with it. However at any point in the next 18 years she can change her mind, contact the government, and then suddenly you owe thousands of dollars of back child support. Which you will pay, or go to prison. I do know a few “lucky” guys who are not paying any child support and the baby momma doesn’t care, but these guys are ticking time bombs. At any time, they can get a letter in the mail saying they owe thousands of dollars, due immediately.
9. Child custody issues can indeed be prevented (to some degree) in many countries/states if a parenting plan is signed and filed by both parents before babies are born. However this will still not affect child support. To repeat, there is no reliable, legal way to “prevent” you being liable for child support if you get someone pregnant.
10. You are still liable for child support even if a DNA test proves you are not the father. Yes, you heard me right. Just a few minutes on Google reveals all the horror stories. Women cheating on their husbands or boyfriends, getting pregnant by the guy on the side, having the baby, only to have the husband discover several years later that the baby isn’t his. He gets a divorce, but surprise surprise, the court still orders him to pay child support anyway, even when he has a verifiable DNA test showing the baby isn’t his, and even if he wasn’t legally married to the mother.
Once again, the government doesn’t care. You pay, or you go to jail. This is why I have recommended to men over and over again that the instant your baby is born, you need to immediately get a paternity test to make god damn sure you’re the father, and refuse to get your name placed on the birth certificate until the DNA comes back as a match. You must do this regardless of how perfect she is or how much she’s Not Like The Rest™ or if she’s a You Don’t Understand Blackdragon She Would Never Do That™.
Don’t be a oneitisy, love-struck dumbass when your special girl gets pregnant. Just get the DNA test.
If you then find out that you’re not the biological father, you do indeed have enough time to prevent getting stuck with child support. But if you wait a year or two and then get the DNA test like most these guys do, you’re fucked. Your cheating lady just won the lottery, and you’re it. And our wonderful father-loving government will ensure she gets her winnings.
11. You have no legal authority whatsoever to enforce where your child support money goes. If you mail her that $300 child support check, and she uses cash to buy a new pretty handbag instead of food for your child, tough shit. There is nothing whatsoever you can do about it. When you pay child support to the mother, it’s the mother’s money to do with whatever she pleases.
12. You are 100% liable for child support even if you impregnate a woman who told you she “couldn’t get pregnant”. Even if you prove conclusively with documentation and video evidence in a court of law that the woman tricked you by “showing” you she could not get pregnant, you still owe her child support for 18 years. Again, the government does not care. You pay, or you go to prison. It is 100% legal for women to commit fraud against men in this way.
You Can See The Problem
The above factoids are the reason I have never in my entire life gotten a woman pregnant on accident. I am almost Nazi-like when it comes to making sure I don’t accidentally impregnate women, and you should be too. Any time you’re feeling lackadaisical about it, punch up this blog post and re-read the above 12 items. Getting a woman pregnant on accident is pure hell for the modern day man. Don’t do it.
The above problems aside, I actually do agree with child support as a general concept. If you cum inside a woman who you know might get pregnant, and a baby is created, you need to pay for that kid. Period. Deadbeat dads are shitheads. I pay child support for my kids and have no problem whatsoever doing so.
The problem is, as you can see above, the way we go about dealing with the child support issue in our current fucked-up, left-liberal, hyper-litigious, anti-father, politically-correct, quasi-feminist society. Yes, kids need child support. It’s a good thing. We simply need to change how we go about it.
This article was about defining the problem. In the next post, I will lay out an entire system of exactly how child support should be handled in a free and legally fair society.