I love the manosphere. I am very pleased it exists and I hope, very strongly, that it grows and becomes more mainstream. I consider myself very honored and humbled to be a very small part of it. I think it helps men at a time in history when men need it the most. I support other manosphere writers, recommend them to others often, and I hope they get wider audiences as time goes on. When the blog revamp is complete, I will have a prominent set of links displayed to other manosphere sites that I have been compiling for quite a while.
Does this mean I agree with 100% of everything everyone in the manosphere says? And by extension, everyone in its subsections like the MRA, seduction community, etc?
Of course not. I’ve already explained before how supporting someone does not mean agreeing with everything that person says.
When I read a manosphere blog or article, I’m usually in complete agreement. However, there is one area in which I differ from the more common manosphere narrative. It’s a subtle difference, but it is a difference. I’ve already talked about it several times before. Many longtime readers already know what it is before I articulate it.
It’s this: Women aren’t the enemy. Women are not evil, lying, malicious, angry feminists out to get you. Women do not rub their hands together like some Vaudeville villain when they start dating you, fantasizing about how they’re going to cheat on you, or lie about their birth control, or dump you / divorce you, or take your money, or fuck up your life, or start forcing you to leave the toilet seat down.
I have known, worked with, and dated vast numbers of women in my life, and I can tell you for a fact that 95% of women out there aren’t thinking anything like this. They’re just thinking that they like you but, thanks to Societal Programming, don’t want to come off looking like a “slut” or a weakling. That’s really about it.
Do women cheat on men in large numbers? Of course they do. Monogamy doesn’t work, and women only like monogamy when it’s in short, concentrated bursts. Six months here, three years there, one year here, etc. I’ve been saying that forever and shown you mountains of evidence for this on this blog and elsewhere for many years.
Do women divorce men? Good god yes. 82% of all divorces are initiated by the female. As I’ve said before, women love getting married, women hate being married. Getting married is one of the most wonderful things you’ll ever do. Being married, once you’re past the first three years or so, is a huge, boring pain in the ass along with piles of work and sacrifice for very little results. In the modern era, parents and government have replaced many functions child-rearing women require that were once only provided by husbands or live-in boyfriends.
Because of all this, premenopausal women hate being married (or long-term monogamous) more than men do, and on a subconscious level don’t see the point past the first three years or so, once all the desired children have been created and the accolades and emotional highs from the engagement, marriage, honeymoon, and childbirth are all distant memories, and the long, boring, irritating slog of traditional marriage truly beings.
Nature, Not Evil
The point here is that women are not doing these things because they’re evil, or gold diggers, or feminists. They’re not doing these things because they hate the patriarchy or because they’re socialists or because they’re stupid. No, they’re doing these things because they are exactly what women have been biologically wired to do for 100,000 years and societally conditioned to do since the late 1960s. Which is, eventually get bored with their current sexual partner.
By the way, this cuts both ways and across both genders. When a man whose wife won’t have sex with him is caught cheating, and the wife tells all her friends (or gets on TV if she’s famous) and starts telling everyone about what an evil terrible man he is, and how he hates her and doesn’t respect their marriage and doesn’t care about his children, I say the exact same thing about him I’m saying about women now.
He’s not a bad guy who hates his wife or his marriage or his kids. He’s a man, doing what men have been wired to do by biology and society for thousands of years: fuck around with multiple women. If you want to attach some kind of evil or malicious intent to this, you’re more than welcome to do so, but you’re not living in the real word. I promise you that in the vast majority of cases, men who cheat on their wives:
1. Still love their wives just as much.
2. Still love their kids just as much.
3. Have no intention whatsoever of leaving their wives or kids.
It’s similar when a woman dumps you or divorces you or yells at you about something that makes no sense. She’s not being an evil bitch out to destroy your life….she’s just being a woman.
Therefore, if you want to live a happy life, your job as a man is to expect women to act like women. When men expect women to act like men, or robots, or angels, or Disney fairytale princesses, or pure little virgins, that’s where all the problems start.
You’re walking down the street and see a wild wolf baring his teeth and barking at you. Thankfully, he’s chained to a tree, so he tries to attack you but the chain restrains him. You puff out your chest and declare “I know all about wolves. I’m a wolf expert. He won’t bite me!” or say something like “This wolf is Not Like The Other Wolves™. He won’t bite me!”.
Then you walk up to the wolf to pet him.
For a few minutes, the wolf calms down and enjoys your attention. He likes it when you pet him and scratches behind his ears. You enjoy it also, and congratulate yourself on what a badass you are and/or how Different this wolf is.
Then suddenly and without warning the wolf snarls at you and bites your hand off.
Shocked and infuriated, you back away from the wolf, clutching your wrist that’s now gushing blood, and spend the rest of your life screaming your head off about how all wolves are a bunch of evil, lying whores who can’t be trusted and are out to get you.
Is that really the case? Was the wolf evil? No. It was just a wolf being a wolf. The problem was not the wolf. The problem was you being an idiot by treating the wolf like it was a Chihuahua.
Instead, I walk down the street enjoying the company of wolves without putting my hand anywhere near their mouths. I constantly see other people trying to pet the wolves with excuses about how they “understand wolves” or how “this particular wolf is Not Like The Rest™”. These people regularly get their limbs bitten off. Many of these guys are running around with bloody stumps screaming about how bad wolves are.
What I do here online is constantly warn these people to not put their hands anywhere near the wolves’ mouths. Enjoy the wolves, love the wolves, or even care for one special wolf, but do it without risking your limbs. Most people ignore my advice, because people love to pet those wolves, and everyone else in society is telling them to pet the wolves, thus all the people with missing hands.
(And just to be clear, I’m not comparing women to wolves. Women are much nicer, more pleasant, and less hairy (at least most of them). I honestly tried to use a more elegant animal for my metaphor but for the life of me, I just can’t visualize a swan or a dolphin biting off someone’s hand.)
But What About Those Feminists???
An extension of this woman-are-bad thing is all the feminist bashing that goes on in manosphere. I will say again that usually when a manosphere blogger is writing about how insane the extreme feminists are being, I’m nodding my head in complete agreement.
But here’s the problem…
I have dated a very large number of women in my life. I’m not giving you the specific number, and while my number is no where near what these hardcore PUA guys have, it’s still a decent amount far beyond the majority of men in society. The number of first dates I’ve been on numbers well into the triple digits. I have known many women as friends and have worked with literally hundreds of them over my business career. I also have a very large extended family and most of them are women.
From all this sample data over a 40+ year life, I can tell you with complete certainty that 95% of women out there are not “feminists”, have no idea what feminism is, and frankly don’t even care. Women are far more concerned about things like paying their cell phone bill on time, or whether or not their boyfriend is cheating on them, or stressing out about their kids. Feminism isn’t even on their radar, and never will be.
To constantly scream about these horrible feminists, okay man, I agree with what you’re saying, but the reality is these kinds of rabid, angry, man-hating monsters are very, very rare out there in the real world. If you don’t believe me, go ask 10 random women under the age of 50 what feminism is, and you’ll either get a blank stare or you’ll get some bumper-sticker soundbite about equal work for equal pay or something, and that’s about it. (And frankly, most women over 50 aren’t that much better.)
I’m very serious about this. Hell, the typical male reader of this blog has a far more developed concept of what feminism is than 95% of the real-world women walking around out there, and even that’s not saying much.
That Remaining 5%
I said 95% of women aren’t the problem. That does leave 5% who are. Yes, there are indeed women out there who really are evil. Some are women who are dedicated gold diggers who really are out for your wallet. Others are welfare queens looking for their next “accidental” baby so they can get more free money from government (i.e. the hardworking taxpayer). Others are extreme feminists who believe “all sex is rape” or similar insane things, and really do hate men with a passion. Others are just women in perpetual bitch mode for whatever reason.
I’ll say it again. This is only about 5% of women out there. 95% of women are normal, decent people who like men and don’t want to chop off anyone’s balls.
I have a very simple solution for you in regards to these evil 5%: Don’t hang around them.
That’s it. Don’t hang around them. Don’t befriend them. Don’t date them. Don’t have sex with them. Don’t vote for them when they run for political office (coughhillaryclintoncough). Don’t live with them, even as platonic roommates. Don’t talk to them online (unless they maintain a civil, rational tone where they can debate you on the merits of their arguments while making sense and not calling you names).
5% means that about one out of every 20 first dates I have is with some evil, angry bitch from hell. Thinking back, one in 20 does sound about right. No problem. Once I realize what I’m dealing with, I smile, pay the bill, tell her it was wonderful meeting her, excuse myself, and never talk to her again. That’s it. No arguing or anger (at least on my part). I just move on to the other 19 women who are pleasant.
In the end, all I do is treat 95% of women how women work in the real world instead of a Disney fairytale version of them, and I ignore the 5% of women who are bad news. And walla! Everything in my life is great and I’m a really happy guy. Very simple.
Yes, yes, YES, I realize I’m massively oversimplifying here. Treating a woman like a real-world woman who will become irrational at times and/or get bored with you in less than three years can be very difficult, especially if you’re deeply in love, or are in the middle of NRE, or really want to have children. And yes, sometimes completely ignoring that evil 5% can be easier said than done.
I get all that. I’m sure we could sit around for hours making all kinds of excuses. The absolute bottom line is that all of your experiences with women, both positive and negative, start with YOU and YOUR decisions about how you interact with women. Namely two things:
1. How you choose to treat women.
2. How much power you choose to give women (or one special woman) over your life.
As long as you keep those two above items under control, i.e. treat women nicely and don’t give them too much personal authority over your finances or sex life, then you’ll find you won’t be bothered too much by psycho bitches or angry feminists or man-haters or whatever. Those women will stay away, and the other 95% of nice women will be a wonderful and welcome addition to your life.