This is one of the more important posts I’ve made. I was planning on delaying it until the blog revamp, but that project’s been delayed. So what the hell. I’ll post it now.
I have defined the Alpha Male, or at least the Alpha Male 2.0 I discuss here (as opposed to the Alpha Male 1.0 or “Needy Alpha“) as a confident, outcome independent man who can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without having to check in with anyone.
Most people understand what confidence and outcome independence is. Most people also understand what getting laid means, and what living financially free means.
But that whole part doing “whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without having to check in with anyone” is the part that some men misunderstand, deny, or even fear. It’s an extreme level of personal freedom (and thus, happiness) that very few people ever experience. Today I’m going to be very specific and illustrate exactly what this means and how it looks.
I live the Alpha Male lifestyle. I’ve already described a typical day in my life, but I want to be very specific about the “doing whatever you want” part.
When I wake up in the morning, I can literally do whatever I feel like doing with my day. My only constraints are the law, my financial resources, and my personal code of ethics. Other than those things, which restrain all civilized human behavior, I can do literally whatever the hell I feel like. There are seven reasons why.
1. I have no wife. (This is by choice, since I average 1-2 marriage proposals from women per year.) This means I can do whatever I want with my time without a woman nagging at me, complaining, or telling me what to do. This also means I can date and have sex with whomever I choose, whenever I choose.
This also means I don’t have the huge financial expense a wife incurs to the typical middle-class man. (Men talk a lot about divorce, but unmarried men vastly underestimate how expensive it is to be married.)
This also means I can spend my money in any way I want without having to get permission from, or negotiate with, or argue with a wife. That was one of my biggest pet peeves back when I was married. I would bust my ass, working very hard for a little cash, then I had to bring it home and get permission to spend it the way I wanted.
2. I have no job. I am self-employed. This means I do not have to report to a boss, company, corporate schedule, or human resources manager. I can work, or not, and no one tells me what to do or yells at me when I don’t do it. (Yes, I have clients, but a client is nothing like a boss. Not even close.)
This also means that I do not have a static salary that never changes. Being paid on a salary was the number one reason I quit my job and started my business 17 years ago. I hated the fact that while at a corporate job I would bust my ass, put in the extra hours, do well for the company, yet still get paid within 3-5% of everyone else with my same job title, including people who were lazy or incompetent. I wanted to get paid extra if I did well.
I also wanted the freedom to take off and not work whenever I chose. When I had my last real “job” back in the mid-90s, I read Donald Trump’s autobiography. His wealth did not impress me (he was born rich, and I’m never impressed by guys who were born rich).
What did impress me was that he had the freedom to simply walk out of his office at 2pm on a Tuesday and go visit his daughter at school, whenever he wanted, without having to check in with anyone. I remember swooning when I read that, me reading his book while sitting in my stupid little cubicle at Nike corporate headquarters. Nike is a good company by the way; I have nothing against Nike…my problem was with having a job.
3. I have no employees. I can tell you for a fact, as a business consultant with decades of experience, most men who own small or medium businesses are not free. In many cases, they are less free than the corporate drone cubicle-worker. Why? Because they have employees.
Employees must be hired, fired, managed, babysat, negotiated with, sometimes argued with, coddled, and legally protected against. Many business owners spend up to 60% to 70% of their time dealing with employee problems instead of actually running their business.
Worse, the instant you hire an employee you are subject to thousands of pages of laws that will force you to fill out paperwork, pay extra taxes, tell you exactly how to manage that employee, how much to pay that employee (even if they’re a terrible employee), how much time off to give that employee (even if they’re a terrible employee), and when you can or can’t fire the employee (even if they’re a terrible employee).
It is almost impossible to be a free man and live the Alpha Male lifestyle if you own a business with employees. (Yeah, it’s possible, but it’s extremely rare.)
4. I never promise any woman monogamy. This is old news of course, but I don’t do monogamy. Ever. And never will. Even if I have a woman who rises to the level of serious girlfriend (OLTR), I never promise or even imply monogamy to anyone. Even if (God forbid) I get married again as I get older, I still will not be monogamous. I might back off on the number of side-women, sure. But I will never make the promise that I won’t be sexual with other women.
Promising a woman monogamy is the stupidest, most ridiculous promise Alpha Males make, and it always results in boredom, frustration, deception, cheating, drama, breakups, and divorces. No thank you. I prefer happiness. But I’ve already discussed this topic to death.
In context here, this means that I can go have consensual sex with any woman I want, whenever I want, even if I have a serious woman in my life, and even if I’m married. I literally never go without sex. If my main gal doesn’t want to have sex with me, no problem. I just grab a condom and go have sex with someone else.
A woman has every right to say no to you and you must respect that right, but no woman has the right to tell you to not have sex with another woman. Saying “You can’t have sex with me” is fine, but when a woman tells a man “You can’t have sex with me and you can’t have sex with anyone else either,” that’s like saying “You can’t go to the bathroom.” Because I don’t promise monogamy, no woman has the power to be my sexual overlord and forbid me to take care of a needed biological function all healthy men have.
5. My income is largely location independent. I say “largely” because this is one area I’m still working on. The point is my income does not require an external office that I need to go drive to. In addition, most of my income does not require me to live or work in any one specific city. This means that I can travel wherever I want and live wherever I want. The only reason I live where I currently live is because I have kids here, so I make the choice to stay. But that’s my choice. I’m not “stuck” in my city in order to make a living, or because I “can’t” move because “my wife won’t let me” like most other men.
6. I have no small children I am responsible for. I do have kids, but they do not live with me full time. Even if they did, it wouldn’t be any big deal because my son is all grown up and my daughter is 15 years old, which means they do not require my constant supervision like a five year-old would.
I have talked before about the numerous studies that show that as soon as people have kids, their overall happiness levels decrease, then finally increase back up when the youngest kid leaves home 20 years later. This is because it is almost impossible to be a free person if you are responsible for small children.
The topic of raising children as an Alpha Male is a big one, and I devoted two full chapters to it in the Alpha Male book, but the point here is that you cannot be free if you are responsible for small children that live full-time with you, unless you have worked out a very unusual arrangement.
7. I live simply. My expenses, my debt, and my taxes are all low. I live in a lower-middle-class house in a lower-middle-class neighborhood. I drive a seven year-old car. The desk I am now typing on I bought 14 years ago, and it was used when I bought it. I live in one of the lowest-taxed states in the United States, on purpose.
This means I am not controlled nearly as much by taxes, debt, expenses, tight budgets, or the suburban keeping-up-with-the-Joneses lifestyle most Americans pursue. If a recession hits or if I have a bad income month, I’m upset but I’m okay. I have a lot of buddies whose businesses were completely wiped out during the crash of 2008. I have a few friends whose retirements were wiped out during the dot-com bust of 2000. I survived both of those recessions, and I will survive future ones, and one of the biggest reasons is because I live simply.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I never spend big money on anything. One of the traits of the Alpha Male is that he does not live in a state of financial lack. I do travel internationally occasionally, and that does cost money. I do buy nice clothes, because I like to look good. I do have monthly obligations like child support that I pay regularly. But none of these things require a “high” lifestyle.
When you add all of these things up, this means every morning I can wake up and do literally whatever the hell I want, whenever I want, without having to check in with anyone. Any time I want, I can…
- Have sex (with more than one woman if I choose)
- Spend time with my family
- Go see a movie
- Focus on work projects that excite me
- Travel to distant lands
More importantly, I can do any of these things at 9am in the morning, or 2pm in the afternoon, or 10:30pm at night. I can do them on a Sunday afternoon just as easily as I can do them on a Tuesday morning. I never need to check in with anyone, coordinate with anyone, let anyone “know”, or get permission from anyone. I am my own man. And I always will be, even if I move in with a special gal down the road (which I probably will).
It’s a wonderful, wonderful way to live, and I have never been as happy as I am now, having lived this lifestyle for going on seven years now.
What I just described is very unusual. I would say perhaps less than 4% of the male population live this lifestyle. Most men are married and are slaves to their wives, or under crushing debt, or trapped in a job or business they “can’t” quit, or have monogamous girlfriends, or whatever. They only experience personal freedom in varying degrees and in small spurts. They don’t live the free life that I and other Alpha Male 2.0s have.
Some of these men either misunderstand what this kind of free life is, or worse, they rationalize that they don’t want this kind of life or that there is something inherently wrong with it. Here are some of the objections they use when I describe a lifestyle like this.
I can’t live like that. I need a connection with a woman and you can’t have that if you’re not monogamous.
There are millions of married couples with discreet open marriages who would disagree with you and who are doing just fine. But I have answered that objection in vast detail. Read this free ebook here if you want more information.
You don’t understand. I have a law/medical/dental/whatever degree that cost me thousands of dollars and almost a decade of schooling/internship. I can’t just chuck it all and live this kind of life.
Okay, then that’s the choice you’re making. But I’m still free, and you’re still not. It’s your life and you’re more than welcome to stay un-free if you choose.
This is bullshit! I’m married and I can do whatever I want too!
Oh really? You can go fuck that cute 23 year-old girl who lives down the street, and your wife would have no problem with that? You can go out tomorrow morning and borrow $30,000 to buy a brand new pickup truck and your wife will have no problem with that? You can take off next week and spend two weeks in Thailand all by yourself and your wife would have no problem with that?
If you’re married, and it’s a traditional monogamous marriage, I’m sorry, but you cannot do whatever you want. You can make all the tough-guy excuses you like, but that’s the way it is and you know it.
But I want to have kids someday.
I understand, I have kids myself. If you want to have kids, then have them. But you need to realize that if you have kids, your freedom (and thus, happiness) will decrease a noticeable degree at least for 10 years, if not longer.
My advice to men wanting children is to do what Arnold did and have kids as late in life as possible, after you have accomplished all of your big dreams. The more dreams in life you have accomplished before having children, the less children will detract from your freedom and happiness when they do come.
Equally important, do not fall into the trap most men do of assuming that kids = monogamy. It does not. As I’ve said, there are literally millions of married couples with discreet open marriages or swinger marriages who have kids who are doing just fine. I personally know and have interviewed many of these couples. I even have some in my very own family. Do NOT fall for the myth that the “only” way to have kids is to chop off your balls and put them in a woman’s purse for 18 years by being monogamous. It won’t work anyway, since divorce and cheating rates go up when people have kids, not down.
It’s selfish when business owners don’t have employees. You’re not contributing to the economy or society.
Then are you calling everyone in the world with a job selfish? Because they have no employees either.
Study economics. You’ll see that starting a small business, providing a product or service the marketplace wants, earning a profit, and paying taxes on that profit (you’re not going to all your dodge taxes like some huge corporation), even if you do it with no employees, means you are a net growth contributor to the economy. You are helping the economy and helping the world.
Moreover, I didn’t say “don’t ever get help from anyone”. I said don’t get employees. I use subcontractors often and pay these people a lot of money. Again, I help the economy. By starting a small business, you will too.
You Can Do It
You can live a life like this, if you desire it strongly enough. I am living proof. Many years ago I was the normal AFC beta male. Married, monogamous, financially strapped, stuck at a “job” (and then a business with employees), stressed out, and totally un-free. If I can do it, you can do it too.
If this is the lifestyle you want, stop making excuses and get to work. It’s waiting for you.