There’s a very interesting article right here about the percentages of newlyweds unsure about the wedding and whether this correlates to the four year divorce rate, which is the first big spike among divorces, statistically speaking.
The four year mark is about right, since as I’ve said many times “serious” monogamy has, on average, a three year lifespan before the relationship begins to deteriorate either sexually, emotionally, or both. The shit starts to hit the fan at the three-year mark or before, and it takes an additional year for things to get bad enough to warrant a divorce. Hence your four year divorce spike.
Of course this only represents people who get divorced at four years. Many others get divorced at around the seven year mark (the famous “seven year itch”), the ten year mark, the sixteen year mark, and the “when the last kid moves out” mark. And of course many other couples get divorced well before four years, particularly those dumb enough to get married under the age 25.
The results of the surveys referenced in the article are interesting. They’re also full of a lot of bullshit. Let me explain why.
The article makes reference to another survey that states 60% to 70% of married couples “considered themselves happy in their marriage” after four years. The problem is the only other option was “not satisfied”, and “satisfied” does not equal “happy”. That’s exactly the problem with a lot of these damn surveys, but I’m going to address the reason behind the results of the primary survey in the article instead.
If you want a clear demonstration about how women are really all about serial monogamy rather than eternal monogamy, you should do the “Five Engaged Women Experiment”. This is the female version of the Five Married Guys Experiment I’ve talked about before.
I’ve done the Five Engaged Women Experiment more than once, every time with predicable results. You should give it a shot next time you start feeling thoughts like “monogamy just might work” or “marriage really is the best way to go if you want kids”. The experiment takes a little time, but doesn’t require you to do anything difficult or unethical.
The Five Engaged Girls Experiment
Here’s how you do it:
1. Find five women who are engaged to be married. The only requirement is that a) they really are engaged and b) they’re under the age of 50. There must also be at least some reasonable amount of trust the woman has for you, in that she knows you will keep secrets and/or she knows you don’t know her fiancé at all.
2. Have a private conversation with each woman. Emphasis on private. None of her friends can be anywhere nearby during the discussion, nor anyone in her family, nor any men, and certainly not her fiancé. Just you and her, or as close to just you and her as you can get.
3. Like with the Five Married Guys Experiment, you could introduce a little alcohol into the situation to ensure you get truthful answers, but in my experience you don’t really need it. (Note I said a little alcohol. You don’t want her drunk. You just want her truthful.)
4. Get her calm and relaxed.
5. Once she’s chill, ask her in a calm, curious, non-accusatory tone, “Do you literally plan on being with him for the rest of your life? As in, no one else but him for literally the next 45 years?”
6. If she gives you an answer that is in any way negative, immediately skip to step 9. This is unlikely however. More likely, she’ll respond with a jerk reaction of societal programming like “What?? Of course I do!!!”. Then ask her, “I know that’s what you feel right now. But do you really think that’s actually what you’re going to do for the next 45 years straight?”
7. If she hems and haws and/or refuses to give you a straight answer, press for a real answer. That means you’re getting closer to the truth, and I’ll give you some examples of these kinds of answers in a minute. If she instead adamantly says “Of course I will! Yes!”, ask her if she’s really sure about one or two more times. (No more than two. Don’t be a pestering asshole. Plus pestering too hard will damage the outcome of the experiment. Be strong, tough and persistent, but don’t pester.)
8. If she still answers with a clear, “Yes, we are going to be together for the next 45 years, and I will never touch another man. That’s exactly what’s going to happen,” then log her answer in your brain as a “yes”, then drop the conversation.
9. If she doesn’t give you a solid “yes” answer like that, she’s going to say something else. Listen very carefully to what she says, because you’re going to get quite an education about how women view long term monogamy. Answers I’ve heard have been things like:
“Well, no. But I love him!”
“Well, not for 45 years, but at least for a good 10 years maybe.”
“No, not really. But he’s a really good guy…”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t know, I guess we’ll see what happens.”
“Probably. I guess as long as he doesn’t ever cheat on me and gets a nice house for us to live in…”
“Well, no. But we’ve already scheduled the wedding, and already sent out the invitations…”
“What difference does it make how long we stay married?!? Does it really matter?!?”
“It doesn’t matter what happens later. What matters is what we do right now.”
“Why do you want to know?” or “Why are you asking me this?”
All of these statements and their variants are woman language for: “No. I do not plan on being with this guy 45 years from now. At some point we’ll get divorced.”
10. Make a note of whether she gave you a solid yes answer or one of the “no” answers above, then repeat this with the next four engaged women.
If you do this, you will find, as I have found, that three or four of the five engaged women will respond in the negative. Three or four out of five women getting married have no intention whatsoever of actually staying with the man for “the rest of her life”.
As I’ve said before, women hate monogamy. The only time they like monogamy (a little) is when it’s SERIAL monogamy, TEMPORARY monogamy. They also love getting married and having a wedding and a honeymoon. That’s the fun part.
But actually staying monogamous to one guy for 45 years? Uh, no. Not only do they hate that, in many ways they hate it more than men do.
Don’t believe me? Fine, don’t take my word for it…try the experiment yourself and see. You’ll find that most women are quite honest about the fact they don’t consider marriage as “permanent”.
Therefore, neither should you.