When I talked about my recent Bahamas trip, I talked about spending time with my son and his friends, and I got a lot of questions about my son, both in the comments and in my email.
Raising children as an Alpha is a huge topic and one little blog post isn’t going to do it justice. I talk about it in detail in the upcoming Alpha Male book. (I actually ended up expanding one chapter on Alpha fatherhood into two.) What I can do here is summarize my experiences with my kids living the Alpha Male lifestyle for the past six years.
Some of the things below are events I’ve already talked about. Others I have never spoken of publicly. Because of the re-branding I’ll be doing here in March or April, promoting the book and other things under my real name, it doesn’t make sense to keep these things to myself any more, especially if you can learn from my successes (and failures) in fatherhood, both under a beta model and an Alpha one.
My Quick History As A Father
Very stupidly, I got married and monogamous at age 25. It was one of the few big life mistakes I’ve ever made. (Thankfully I’ve made very few of those.) Getting married wasn’t the mistake. Having kids wasn’t the mistake. The mistake was agreeing to monogamy, expecting the relationship to last longer than about three years in a happy state, and getting married without a prenup.
The lucky lady was 31 at the time, six years older than me. At the time of our marriage, she was a curvy (in the good way) blonde bombshell who looked like Britney Spears (albeit a 31 year-old version). (Today she looks very different.) She had a five year-old son at the time who I made my son.
One of the stipulations I had for the marriage was that the boy’s bio-father could not be in the picture at all, since I knew from vast experience watching other stepfathers that being the “second dad” is serious, never-ending drama, and I don’t do that. Fortunately, my son’s bio-dad is a loser whom he doesn’t even remember, and was living in another state when we got married, so it was game on. She was a white blonde Barbie, and her son was a fun half-black half-white hyper kid. She became my wife, he became my son.
The number one reason I got both married and monogamous was to have children. Even way back then that long-term monogamy was stupid and silly. I spent most of my early twenties making fun of all the married guys I worked with in the corporate world back then. “Awwww…you have to go home now because it’s 6 o’clock and mommy is cracking the whip, huh? Ha ha!” However, like many of you, I was under the very mistaken impression that monogamy is required if you want to have kids. It isn’t, but I didn’t know that back then.
A year later my daughter was born. At the birth, it was one of the few times in my adult life I have cried. A year after that my wife at the time became pregnant with twins, but they both died in the womb at about six months. That was very painful for me and it’s not an experience I like to talk about. I took it as a sign from the universe that I was only meant to have two kids, or at least two kids from this particular woman. It turned out to be a good thing, since a few years later we got divorced, and if there were four kids during the divorce instead of two, it would have made my life extremely difficult, not to mention the kids’ lives too.
Even though my son is not biologically mine, that means nothing to me. He’s my son, I raised him, and I am the only man he’s ever called “dad”. Our relationship continued as normal after the divorce. Real men take responsibility for their actions and their children.
This was all a long time ago. As of this writing my son is 21 and my daughter is 14 and it’s been six years since I was married to their mother. During that time I have maintained a consistent Alpha lifestyle, which means never getting monogamous, having sex whenever I want, traveling often, and making money running my own businesses without ever having to report to a boss. During this time I have raised my kids, and barely even spoken to their mother, and all of these decisions have turned out to be very good ones.
My son is black, that is to say he’s half black but he looks black. He’s extremely good-looking and charismatic, with a natural charm he had mastered as a small child. I weep that it took me damn near 30 years to develop a level of charisma he had nailed by the time he was about eight. He’s currently away at college majoring in political science (though he’s planning on doubling his major and adding international business or finance).
He is monogamous, with the same girlfriend for about three years. He has never done drugs that I know of. He drinks the usual amount for the typical college student, and has a 3.98 GPA. He is not an Alpha nor does he have any huge desire to be. He does not have the high sex drive I have and finds the process of dating/meeting women a chore, much preferring monogamy (though he does intellectually agree with me regarding monogamy’s downsides). He loves that I travel and envies that, and he appreciates my business success, but nothing else about my lifestyle appeals to him. He will likely end up married and monogamous someday. On the plus side, he’s a big libertarian like dad.
This is all okay. He’s his own man and it’s very important to me that my children follow their own paths in life. I strongly disagree with most traditional parents who shove things like their political beliefs, life views, and religions down their children’s throats. My attitude is always to demonstrate what kind of a man I am to my kids, demonstrate why it’s a good thing, and then shut up about it and let them make up their own minds.
Both of my kids obviously had strong Alpha influences just being around me as they grew up without me ever lecturing them. As an example, while we were in the Bahamas my son and I went to go see the new Total Recall movie, and I told him I couldn’t remember if he ever saw the original movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was a kid. My son rolled his eyes and said, “An Arnold movie? Um, hello? You’re my father. Of course I saw it.”
<I decided to remove this because of my daughter’s age.>
Goals For My Kids
My big goal with my son when he was a teenager was to get him to age 18 without him getting involved in drugs or alcohol. He’s an extreme extrovert and peer pressure was something I was concerned about. That goal was hit. I got him to age 18 with no problems at all.
My big goal with my daughter during her teenage years is to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant before age 19. The good news is that my daughter is with me almost every weekend, and she’s almost always with me whenever she has summer or winter break from school. If she ever wanted to move in with me full time I would happily do it in a minute. It would make my woman-life a little complicated but that’s my women’s problem. My kids come first.
This all begs the question, do I want to have more children? The short answer is that I really would rather not, but if I end up in an OLTR with a much younger woman, something that is a distinct possibility, I would be open to the concept as long as she understood exactly how it would work. It would not be the standard 50/50 arrangement.
SHE would be the one raising the kids. I’d financially support her and the new kiddies, and help when I felt like it, but most of the time I’d be out laying chicks and working on my Mission. (I describe this system in a little more detail here.) Since I average one marriage proposal per year from women who agree to this arrangement, doing this seems likely unless I end up with a woman in my age group (which is also possible). If she wants to agree to that, fine. Otherwise, no more kids for me.
Exposure To The Lifestyle
My rule with my kids in terms of the women I see is that none of my women are allowed to have access to my kids in any way whatsoever unless the woman has proven to me that she’s going to stick around for a very long time. As you might imagine, very few women ever get that far, so the vast majority of the women I sleep with never, ever meet my kids, even in passing.
Of course life isn’t perfect, so there have been occasions where the schedule gets fucked up and my daughter might see a woman quickly leaving the house or something. I do admit that’s happened before, but not often.
Both my kids know that I do not lie to women, ever, about anything, and when they have seen me with women, they see the entire interaction in a very positive light. NEVER in the last six years since adopting the Alpha lifestyle have either of my kids seen me argue or have drama or negativity of any kind with a woman. It’s always an environment of laughing and having fun.
The only time my kids have seen drama with me and a woman was, you guessed it, when I was married and monogamous to their mother. (Monogamy = drama.) My kids will often tell me about all the drama, fighting, or coldness they see from their friends’ married, monogamous parents, and compare that to the consistent happiness I have in my life. The happiness of my Alpha lifestyle as compared to the dark depression of their mother is also a stark contrast that illustrates anything better than any lectures from me ever could.
Beta and Needy Alpha Fathers
Most fathers out there are betas. Their kids watch as their fathers cower like little slaves in front of their strong and bitchy Dominant mothers. What do you think that teaches little boys about how to be a man? What does that teach little girls about the best way to behave in a relationship?
Of course, many sons have Needy Alpha fathers instead. These fathers impose a myriad of strict rules and regulations at all times. They yell and threaten often. When children violate these rules, these fathers hit their children, yell at their children, and tear down their children. Often these Needy Alpha fathers will emotionally or physically abuse their wives as well, in front of their children. Nice.
Lastly, both betas and Needy Alphas (77% of them in most cases) often eventually cheat on their “monogamous” wives, causing even more drama that the children witness, not to mention divorce. Moreover, most divorces are brutal and ugly, and the kids see that too. Thankfully my divorce wasn’t that bad. My ex went through a phase where she badmouthed me a bit in front of the kids (she is a woman after all) but that was about it. As always I structured things for minimum drama, even during the divorce.
Is raising kids within an Alpha framework perfect? Not at all. One could accurately point out several problems with it. Of course, my response would be to point out the alternative, which is the over 60% divorce rate in most American and European cities, and how this has permanently damaged an entire generation of children, and continues to do so. No negative within the Alpha framework is as harmful to kids as the the consistent drama and divorce of monogamous parents. None.
So there you go. I hope that answers a few questions you may have been wondering about this. I go into far more detail about specifics and techniques in the Alpha Male book regarding raising children, but this should hopefully hold you over for a while.