One of the universal maxims of women that has confounded men for centuries is that women aren’t attracted to what they SAY they’re attracted to.
A woman will say things like, “I want a man who treats me right, tells me nice things, buys me flowers, and treats me like a lady.” If you do that, you’re actually going to engage in behaviors that will turn her off…while she goes and has sex with some asshole who treats her like shit. At a minimum, doing these behaviors (that she clearly said she WANTS) will put you in either Friend Zone or the Make Him Wait categories, both of which are categories you do not want to be in.
However, women are attracted to Alpha traits, and can’t deny it. So when a woman lays out exactly what she wants, you’ll see sprinkles of beta traits that will turn her off (at least eventually) and Alpha traits that will turn her on.
One of the best pop culture examples of this is the old but extremely popular 90’s song “What A Man” by Salt n’ Pepa. Here’s the song if you’re unfamiliar with it.
Let me run down some of the lyrics with you and demonstrate what I’m talking about. Be aware that since this is a female song, there’s a lot of woman language in there that requires translation, so refer to this post to help you out.
(Side Note: I realize this is just a dumb pop song and therefore it’s not going to contain the keys to the universe of feminine understanding. I also realize that this song, as well as much of feminine pop culture, is written or co-written by men. However, feminine pop culture that actually is popular is popular precisely because it speaks to what women want and what women are thinking, regardless of how silly it may be, or whom it was originally written by.
Hell, the entire Sex and the City series was written by a man (albeit a gay man), and that series seemed to resonate pretty damn well with women, didn’t it? I’m just using the words of this song as an example of what women say they want and the meanings behind hit, not as some kind of feminine gospel.)
Alright, here we go:
And although most men are ho’s he flows on the down low
Cuz I never heard about him with another girl
Alphas are discreet. By the way, it’s interesting that she notes she’s never heard of him with another girl. She’s not saying “he doesn’t fuck other girls”. She’s very subtly telling you that she likes Alphas.
And believe me y’all, he’s worth it
Beta. Or perhaps Needy Alpha.
“He’s worth it” is woman language for “He’s worth all the drama and arguments we have all the time.”
I finally found somebody that can make me laugh
Neither Alpha nor beta. Both Alphas and betas can make women laugh.
(Ha ha ha) You so crazy
I think I wanna have your baby
This is a tricky one. Biologically, this is Alpha. However in the modern era, impregnating women left and right is a not an Alpha trait since it requires you to pay massive amounts of child support for 18 years or you go to jail. Not to mention the damage to your personal freedom having children requires.
Having a bunch of children was an Alpha thing to do 2000 years ago. Having a bunch of children today is anything but. Remember that when I talk about Alpha males, I’m always talking about the modern 21st century version. (I’m not saying you should never have kids; I have two and I love then dearly.) However purely on a biological level, she’s talking about getting impregnated by an Alpha. So I’ll reluctantly say this is an Alpha statement.
My man is smooth like Barry, and his voice got bass
A body like Arnold with a Denzel face
He’s smart like a doctor with a real good rep
And when he comes home he’s relaxed with Pep
This could be Alpha or beta, though I lean toward Alpha.
He always got a gift for me every time I see him
He never ran a corny line once to me yet
He’s not a fake wannabe tryin’ to be a pimp
He dresses like a dapper don, but even in jeans
Yes, my man says he loves me, never says he loves me not
Beta. More or less.
She’s not implying he says “I love you” once a month. She’s implying he says it all the time.
Tryin’ to rush me good and touch me in the right spot
Very Alpha. Alphas are good in bed and take the time to please women.
And yes, it’s me that he’s always choosin’
With him I’m never losin’, and he knows that my name is not Susan
Somewhat beta. (Definitely not Alpha.)
He always has heavy conversation for the mind
Neither Alpha nor beta. Both are capable of deep conversations. (Most really smart men tend to be beta males or AFCs.)
Which means a lot to me cuz good men are hard to find
She means Alphas are hard to find. Betas are plentiful so she’s certainly not talking about them! Haha!
My man gives real loving that’s why I call him Killer
He’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thriller
He takes his time and does everything right
Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night
He’s a real smooth brother, never in a rush
And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch
Very Alpha. Sexual prowess is of paramount importance to women and betas just don’t cut it there.
Spends quality time with his kids when he can
I learned many years ago that when I talked about my kids on my online profile, and talked about how much I loved spending time with them, which is true, my response rates and lay ratios went up. As I talk about in my ebooks, women have strong biological wiring that looks for a guy who is a good dad. Whether this is a beta or modern-day Alpha is debatable I suppose, but the point is if you have kids and you see them often, this is not something you should hide. You need to play this up to women.
A lover and a fighter and he’ll knock a knucker out
Brutes who get into bar fights and shit like that are not true 21st century Alphas, they’re Needy Alphas (definition here).
Every time I need him, he always got my back
Beta. He’s at her beck and call.
Never disrespectful cuz his mama taught him that
“Never disrespectful” is woman language for “obeys my orders and betaization without complaining too much”.
So as you can see, when a woman talks about what she wants, some of what she says is accurate, some is not. There’s a lot of sorting, sifting, and translating that needs to be done to get to the truth.
The lesson here?
COMPLETELY IGNORE WHAT WOMEN SAY ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT, AND ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY DO.
Do that, and 50% of your woman-problems will vanish overnight.