“Jesus Blackdragon! Are you going to comment on every celebrity divorce that happens?”
No, but I probably should just to remind you about how human beings work (or should I say, how monogamy doesn’t work). The problem is most people reading such commentary will just think Those Are Just Dumb Shallow Celebrities And I’m Not Like That™ so I Can Make It Work™. Therefore there would be no point in harping about every celebrity divorce even if I wanted to.
I’m not going to talk about Katy’s and Russel’s extremely predictable divorce. Instead I’m going to talk about how Katy and Russel are a fantastic example of NRE and why it can be so dangerous if you’re not self-aware.
Rewind back about two years ago. Katy Perry meets Russel brand. She falls in love with him almost instantly. He’s smart and funny and good-looking. And of course, he falls in love with her instantly too. After all, she’s one of the best looking celebrity women in the world.
The NRE is intense and powerful, as it always is. Katy and Russel, being two completely unaware people, mistake NRE for love. Which is a very common mistake people make. NRE is not love, it’s NRE. It’s a completely different thing. Love is long-term, NRE is very short-term. My parents have been married for almost 41 years now, and they still love each other, but their NRE died decades ago. Which is normal. Love is boring. NRE is exciting.
So Katy Parry writes a song about Russel and it becomes a huge hit. It’s called “Teenage Dream”. It has lyrics like:
You think I’m pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I’m funny
When I tell the punchline wrong
Now every February
You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine
You make me feel
Like I’m livin’ a
The way you turn me on
I can’t sleep
My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
My missing puzzle piece
I have always known that this song, like so many others, is a quintessential description of wonderful, powerful, delusional NRE.
So she’s all over the guy, her NRE incorrectly telling her she Finally Found The One™.
Just one problem. She’s talking about Russel Brand. This is a bi-polar and bulimic drug addict, alcoholic, and sex addict so promiscuous he had a British “Shagger” award named after him. He stabs himself in the chest when someone criticizes his performance. THIS is the guy who will clearly be her Valentine “every February”. No Darling, I’m sorry. He’ll be your Valentine for one or two Februaries and then he’ll be out of there and on to the next female he can mount so he can start the NRE all over again with someone new.
Of course, if for some reason he calmed down, stuck around, and allowed himself to become betaed, Katy would eventually get bored, divorce him, find a New Guy™ and get excited about her new NRE all over again.
Since Katy (and likely Russel too) thought NRE equaled love (which it does not) and equaled long-term compatibility (which it does not), she married the drug addicted alcoholic self-harming bi-polar sex addict without a prenup. Now she may have to pay him $20 million for a marriage that lasted just over a year. This is something I’m sure she thought was impossible while she was in NRE and her lawyers were begging her to get him to sign a prenup and she responded by saying “No! How dare you! We’re in LOVE, don’t you understand?”
This is what happens when people make major sweeping decisions during NRE. Countless times I have warned people who, during NRE, have decided to move in together, or have a baby, or purchase a car or home together, or get married, or whatever. The reaction is always the same. Anger, defensiveness, calling me an “asshole” 😀 and a lecture about how They’re Different™ or They’ve Changed™ and They Can Make It Work™. And every time, within a few months or perhaps a year or two, those people have some painful, destructive breakup or divorce. It’s extremely predictable.
One of your greatest and most difficult objectives in life is to never make any long-term decisions while in NRE. Always wait until the NRE dies down and the relationship “gets back to normal” or “gets boring”. THEN, if you still love the person AND they still love you AND it’s clear you’re both long-term compatible AND you still want to be with this person long-term AND they do too, THEN AND ONLY THEN do you start talking about moving in together or babies or marriage or whatever.
(Some of you, particularly some of you women out there, are going to ignore this advice because deep down you don’t care if you have a destructive breakup or divorce as long as it happens “down the road”. Having a boyfriend or husband now is “worth it”. But that’s a topic for another time.)
Is this easy? No. Hey, I’ve been in love too. I’ve had intense and insane NRE too. It’s wonderful. But I’ve reached a point where I can fully experience NRE while keeping my cool.
Reach that point, and you won’t have to worry about destroying your life in bad breakups and divorces like the other 87% of the population.