Part one of my series on text game is here. If you have not read part one, stop right now and go do that so you can put the rest of this series in context.
Radio Silence Gets You Laid – When NOT To Text
Most guys initiate texting way too much. Too much is bad. I’d much rather you text a girl too little than too much. In many cases, it’s NOT texting that will get you laid. Let me repeat the four key frames you should have at all times when texting:
- Outcome Independent
Keeping those in mind, here are the most common areas in which guys send a text when they shouldn’t.
1. Right after a first date. After driving away from a first date, guys will send a text saying something like “You’re really cool. It was fun meeting you.” NO! No, no, no! That’s not outcome independent. Instead it demonstrates neediness, which is the opposite of OI. You do not want to be sending texts like this to a woman pre-lay. The best case scenario is that you’ll accomplish nothing.
The worst case is that you will reduce her attraction for you. When the date is done, SEND HER NOTHING. Radio silence! If she sends you a text like that, that’s great. It’s what I’ve always called that the Ultimate IOI (Indicator of Interest), and that probably means you’re getting laid, and you should definitely respond, but YOU should not be initiating a text like that.
If you hear nothing from her within the next 24 to 48 hours, THEN send her a text. Make sure it’s confident and outcome independent and non-needy! And the funnier the better. The best thing to do is to refer back to an in-joke the two of your shared during the date.
Just don’t send her a text the same evening as the date!
2. After she breaks up or LSNFTEs you. What do most guys do with their girlfriends who dump them? You know the answer. You see it all the time. Perhaps YOU have even done it. What happens is they text the poor gal 10,000 times a day with messages ranging from “I love you I miss you” to “I’m sorry I won’t do it again please give me another chance” to “You’re a fucking bitch and you treat people like shit.” ALL of these messages are equally bad. By sending ANY of those kinds of texts, you are decreasing the odds that she will ever sleep with you again.
Instead, after a chick LSNFTEs you or truly “breaks up” with you, if she actually does it over texting, regardless of how angry or hurt or disappointed you are, just respond with something like “Ok. I wish you the best!” then DON’T EVER INITIATE A TEXT CONVERSATION WITH HER AGAIN for at least two months.
Listen to me. I know what I’m talking about here. Here’s a real statistic from my life: So far, after years in the game, 100% of every woman I have slept with at least twice and who did not move far away (that’s not a small list) have eventually returned to me sexually after LSNFTEing me or “breaking up” with me, and this radio silence policy is one of the key reasons why.
If she texts you before two months is up, you can respond to her only if she is not texting to talk about the breakup. If she is, ignore her texts, don’t respond, and move on with your life. That alone may attract her enough to want to see you again. I’m serious about that.
If she’s texting to hang out again, great. Respond, do NOT talk about the breakup in any way, schedule a meet, meet up, and escalate to sex as quickly as possible.
This system works, but if you keep texting her after the breakup, you FUCK ALL OF THIS UP. Don’t do it. I know it can be hard. Man up. You’ll be glad you did.
3. Texting too frequently during NRE. Younger guys are the worst at this, but I’ve seen older men do this too. During the initial phase of the relationship when the NRE and oneitis is flowing and you’re in looooooooove, please do not bombard your gal with constant I love you / I miss you / I’m thinking about you / I just saw a flower that reminded me of you / I can’t wait to see you tonight texts.
If you’ve read any of my stuff, the reason for this should be obvious. Women chase what runs away. Women get bored with men who kiss their asses. It’s just the way they’re designed. Worse, women also will start expecting more submissive beta/provider/boyfriend behaviors and will be issuing more “relationships rules” to men who treat them like girlfriends or queens.
Again, I know it’s tough sometimes to not act like a love-struck pussy during NRE. Hey, NRE is fantastic. I’ve been there too, many times. But I’m always able to keep a handle on my Alpha EFA regardless. My life and my mission are greater than any one woman, and always will be, regardless of how much I may love that special someone.
4. When you’re pissed off. I first started using email way back in 1991, years before the internet was in general use. It was an internal corporate email system I used at my job. I discovered very quickly that when you’re angry, there is no “filter” to email like there is when you’re talking to someone in real life.
When the person you’re mad at isn’t standing in front of you and you’re just typing on a screen, you can really have some balls. You can just let all the range and frustration fly and just e-scream your little head off. I was a young hothead back then, and I often got into hot water with my superiors because of my childish, emotional, e-toughguy emails. Rightly so.
I had to learn that when you’re angry, that’s exactly when you DON’T want to type a message to someone who is not in front of you. You’ll just end up annoying everyone AND looking really fucking stupid. I am simply astounded at the number of adults who haven’t figured this out yet…because you see this on the internet constantly. Some guy reads something, gets furious, immediately types out an email, forum post, blog comment, or whatever, without thinking at all and hits “post”. Then when he calms down he realizes what he’s done and how stupid and childish he looks, in a panic goes back and deletes his post or edits out the bad parts.
Dumb. Or worse, he doesn’t do this, and his 60 seconds of immature rage is now emblazoned on the internet for all to see in perpetuity. In either case it’s silly.
The problem with texts is you can’t even do that. As soon as you say “Bullshit you’re a fuckin liar Jennifer and you know it,” and hit send, you’re FUCKED. There’s no taking it back. And if you try to “explain what you meant”, you look even worse (because now you’re an asshole and a pussy).
Just like with sarcasm, a person can’t see your body language or hear your voice when texting, so when you say something angry, it’s amplified about ten times. She’ll get pissed off / offended / frustrated / whatever, respond with her own angry texts, and now you’ve entered into a death spiral of drama. Remember “low-drama” is one of the core frames to have with women when texting. Texting angry drama is always a no-win situation for you. Always.
There’s much more to say about text game. Stay tuned for the third part in the text game series coming soon.