Human touch releases endorphins and is a powerful method to induce a sense of relaxation.
~ Ray Kurzweil, Transcend
Oh, it induces a little more than just relaxation…
One of the big game-changers in my game when I was learning and practicing all of this stuff was learning and later memorizing the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder. I knew kino (touching) was important to getting laid, but I didn’t know exactly how to do it or when. It also helped me gain a little more confidence when actually getting to the point of removing clothing, though honestly that’s never been one of my sticking points. Rather it was initial kino on the first date (or first meet) that confused me a little.
The Escalation Ladder helped me a lot when I was first getting started and had no idea what to do, but after I did it a few times and got comfortable with it, I realized it was way too complicated (as are a lot of seduction techniques), way too much to remember, and overkill in terms of what was needed to create attraction with a woman right across from you.
I take nothing away from DiCarlo and his very cool technique, but I consider it something you implement only as a complete beginner. Like many seduction techniques, once you get the hang of it you really don’t need it any more.
Here’s a general summary of what I do on a first date in terms of touching her. You need to put this context of how I perform my lays. For me, a “first date” is a quick 45-60 minute meetup at a fancy bar or fancy coffee shop (usually a bar). It rarely costs me more than $15 and often costs me zero. I do not attempt sex or even kissing on my first dates unless it’s an unusual exception. However, I kino A LOT.
For those of you who don’t already know, my objectives on a first date are, in no particular order:
1. Establish comfort, by being relaxed and having a relaxing conversation, demonstrating my relaxed “no big deal” frame and non-creepiness (that last one is extra-important for the much younger women).
2. Establish attraction, using confidence, dressing nice, sex talk and kino.
3. Short-circuit women’s “But I don’t know you!” / “But it’s only the first date!” ASD bullshit by avoiding any actual sexual escalation on the first date but fucking them very quickly on the second date.
Despite the fact I almost never go for the immediate first date lay ONS/SNL/SDL, this system works extremely well. The vast majority of my lays these days on are the second date with a grand total of only three hours of face time, meet-to-lay, including both dates. (I’ll post some specific recent examples on this blog shortly.)
So within that framework, here’s a good picture of how I usually kino on a first date.
1. I do not touch when I first meet her. I just give her a big smile and say hi and say something casual or funny. Then we just sit down and start talking like we’re already old friends. A lot of guys immediately hug women on a first date like this. If you haven’t already met her in real life, not only do I think that’s fake, I think it actually makes a lot of women more nervous, not less. (By the way, never shake a woman’s hand on a date, even if she offers. No no no.)
2. Talk for a while about her life. Still no kino yet.
3. Move the conversation to relationship and sex talk.
4. Start touching her hands and arms. If there is a table between us and they’re not in easy reach, I’ll literally say “Give me your hand for a minute.” They always comply at this point and I touch. After touching her for a bit I’ll look down at her arm and say something like “hm”. That often starts yet another topic about touching or sex.
5. Often I will say “flex your leg,” and when she does so I will touch her thigh. Then I’ll make a comment about how muscular her leg is or isn’t. Sometimes it’s an honest statement, sometimes it’s a sarcastic one. Depends on the situation. This move is espeically easy if she’s been talking about how she goes to the gym or has just lost some weight or whatever.
6. I will start touching her hair. Unlike the other touching, I will usually not say anything about how I’m touching her hair while I’m doing it. I’ll just touch her hair while we’re talking. Even if she suddenly stops talking when I do this, I’ll just prompt her to continue and keep touching. Important: most guys don’t know this, but women’s hair is a HUGE erogenous zone. It really, really turns women on when their hair is touched in a sexual manner. Try it some time and you’ll see what I mean. If for some reason the gal is still very nervous or seems unresponsive, I will skip the hair touching.
7. If things are going well between us, I will caress her face. Just for a few seconds, then pull away. Usually more than once but never more than two or three times. Again, I will not say “I’m going to touch your face now.” I just do it. It it feels gooooood (for both of us).
8. When we wrap up the date and say our goodbyes, then I will give her a big hug. It’s not one of those friendly, platonic, bullshit “I just met you” hugs. It’s a real hug that feels good and tight for both of us. I will NOT kiss her.
Kissing is a big topic but suffice it to say in my extensive testing, kissing a chick on a first date where sex does not occur actually reduces the odds of you ever having sex with her. So unless you’re a one-night-stand or first-date-lay kinda guy, don’t kiss on a first date, but do everything else (sex talk, kino, make her laugh a lot, etc).
Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, and I have had sex with women I did kiss on the first date when the sexual fires between us were just unbearable, but those were the unusual exceptions. 99% of the time, I do not kiss on a first date, and I get laid A LOT. At least 80% of the time, if I kiss on the first date, I lose the lay. So don’t kiss, give her a big hug, and get the hell outta there. Worry about kissing on the second date when you going to escalate all the way to sex.
Remember this is just for the first date/first meet. The second date is a completely different story. That’s when you not only kiss, but move all the way to sex, and do so as quickly as possible.