I’ve been critiquing a lot of guys’ online dating email conversations lately, and I’m noticing a clear pattern.
This is snippet of an actual exchange between guy and girl on a dating site. See if you can pinpoint the problem.
HER: I was down there last month and they were great. Mad Davis is good too. Sometimes their music gets me emotional lol.
HIM: Yeah, I’m really into the band scene. I prefer groups like Porous and Ract. They have a smoother sound especially when you’re in the smaller venues. I used to play bass way back but these days I’m too busy with work. Keeps me in the audience instead of on the stage. 🙂
See the problem? It’s glaring. Yeah, he’s establishing rapport on a common point between them, and that’s fine. But he’s not carrying the conversation forward. He’s not ending with a question to re-direct back to her. Most importantly, he does not end his email with a call to action.
You as the man in the interaction must take charge of the conversation and constantly direct its flow. It’s important in real-life game but it’s double as important when talking to women online, when they’re willing and able to quickly and easily terminate the conversation with you whenever they want for any reason. See how the guy’s email completely leaves her hanging? See how he’s depending completely on her to carry the conversation forward?
Guess what? Women don’t need to carry the conversation forward. Women don’t need to put in that kind of work to get laid. They can get laid whenever they want. If you’re going to actually expect a woman to take that kind of initiative for you like that, she’ll pass, and move on to guy like me who makes it easy for her to spread her legs.
Again, with real-life game this is critical, but on the dating sites, it’s 10x more important than that, where there’s 27 other guys trying to get into her pants the same time you are.
Every email you send to a woman online, even your opener, should end with at least a question, but at best a call to action.
In terms of openers, an example of no question or call to action would be:
“Damn ur hot. lol.”
(Yes, guys send openers like that. All the time. You should see the incoming messages on a hot chick’s Facebook page.)
A better opener would be a question, like:
“You like Anna Karenia…you must be a big reader! Have you read War and Peace also?”
But an even better opener would be one that has a call to action:
“You seem interesting. You should email me.”
Emails that issue a call to action always have higher odds of generating a response, or maintaining responses you’re already getting, which is just as important.
Calls to action are either:
A) Questions that require real thought or action, like “What are your two best qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance?” or “Go to this link…do you consider this guy hot?”
B) Actual calls to action, like “Are you on Facebook? Send me a friend request. Just do a search there for <email address>.”
Questions like “What bands to you like?” or “Do you like sushi?” are not calls to action, since they require no action and no real thought. Like I said, questions are fine and are better than nothing, but they do not move the conversation forward like calls to action.
When I’m communicating with women online, I make sure that every email I send ends with a call to action. After two to three email exchanges, that call to action is to schedule a meetup with me.
You should do the same.