Ah yes. Another woman giving women advice about what men really want. These are always fun.
What Guys Wish We Knew
1. I think about you more than you realize. I just don’t phone or e-mail you every time it happens.
Yeah, if I’m smart.
2. I never tell my guy friends details of our sex life. But I make sure they know I’m getting it regularly and I lie about how hot it is just to show off.
3. Making me ask a man for directions is like me telling you to ask another woman for fashion advice.
I thought women liked asking other women for fashion advice? And frankly, a man scared to ask another man for directions (or any other advice) is a weak man.
4. I love being seduced, so please do it more often. Always being the one to start things off sexually puts more pressure on me than you realize.
Sadly, that’s probably true. Good lord men are pussies nowadays.
5. It’s actually not okay to pee in front of me all the time. It’s just a little too familiar, you know?
Doesn’t bother me a bit. But most men, yeah.
6. If I stand a chance with you, never play hard to get. I’m so freaked out by rejection I’ll just assume you aren’t into me and stop calling.
Actually, I think the world would be a better place if women never played hard to get. If you want fuck him, fuck him, and be the most amazing lay he’s ever had. Trust me, he’ll be back. Why is this so difficult?
7. When it comes to your guy’s penis, remember three things: if it’s small, say it’s the perfect fit; if it’s average, say it’s huge; if it’s huge, he’ll know – but he’ll love hearing you say it anyway.
Oh that’s great. He’s got a fragile ego, so LIE TO HIM. Women are always complaining that men lie, yet notice how women are constantly recommending to other women that they should lie to men. Hmm…
8. Until we have The Talk it’s safe to assume I’m still exploring my options when it comes to relationships.
Absolutely agree with this one. In my case, it’s extremely true.
9. Ask me to do something for you and you’ll remind me I’m a man. Tell me how to do something and you’ll remind me of my mother.
Let me add to that “and once I’m helping you because you asked, if you criticize how I’m helping you, fuck off and do it yourself.” All men have had the experience of having a woman ask them for help, helping her, then receiving criticism about how he did not help her correctly.
10. Anything impressive I do dating-wise I probably learnt from a previous girlfriend.
If he’s an AFC, that’s probably true. If he’s an Alpha, it’s because of what he’s learned, read about, researched, and extensively practiced on other women.
11. You may have heard you can tell whether a guy is good in bed if he’s a good dancer. It’s not true. Like most men, I’m too self-conscious to let loose on the dance floor.
…unless I’m black or Latino. 🙂
12. Telling me I’m right – no matter the topic – will score major points with me.
Hate to admit it, but that one is true.
13. The fastest way to get me to do something in bed that really gets you going is to tell me what it is and ask me whether I’m up for the challenge.
That depends on the guy. For a lot of guys, that’s probably true. For me, I’d much rather have a girl look up at me with big, blinking doe eyes and ask me nicely. Files with honey…
14. A $2 T-shirt that barely covers your butt is sexier than 95% of costly lingerie.
ABSOLUTELY, 100% TRUE. And I wish so badly more women understood this! That should be pastered all over every woman’s magazine. Not that it ever will. Why? Because women wear sexy lingerie for THEMSELVES, not for YOU.
15. I’m sensitive about my body but I won’t admit it. If you point out my stomach flab I’ll probably shrug off the comment in front of you, then privately check out my stomach later.
True of younger men. But once you hit about age 35 or so, you accept the negatives of your body and really don’t fret about it.
16. It’s not a good idea to read something into every word I say when we fight. I’ll be caught off-guard. For me, it’s like trying to pass an oral exam I never knew I had to study for.
No. I would like to change this one to “Don’t fight”.
17. If I walk away from you without an explanation, I either had to let one rip or scratch my balls.
…or you were giving me drama, and I don’t do drama.
18. I only ask you to dress up as a schoolgirl to try to have the sex I never had in high school.
Actually, that’s largely true.
19. If you’re playing with me and I’m not getting hard, you’re probably doing it too lightly.
20. It’s a good sign if I make fun of you. We men only do that with people we like.
Also very true.
21. If you have to ask me whether I enjoy giving you oral sex then you have your answer; I don’t.
True again. I actually like giving oral pleasure to women, but that’s me. (Wow. Four correct ones in a row. Getting kinda freaked out here.)
22. I’m honestly blind to reading your body language in bed. Speak up.
With AFC’s, completely true. With Alphas a woman never needs to worry about this.
23. You can discover what fires me up if you can find my porn stash.
…and if I still have a porn stash that I still watch, you ain’t getting the job done Honey. I might still love you, but get ready for me to start looking elsewhere to satisfy my sexual desires.
24. If I say you look nice when I show up, it’s polite. If I say it later on, it’s an excuse to stare.
…and if I ever complement anything about your appearance before I’ve had sex with you, I’m an idiot with no idea about how women work.
25. I have at least one ‘girlie’ song on my iPod. But I’ll deny knowing how it got there if you ask.
I don’t have a girlie song on MY IPod god dammit! Not a one! I promise! Ahem.
26. I know girls burp and fart. But hearing you do it is worse than when I do it – not fair but true.
Doesn’t bother me at all.
27. Next time you insist on freshening up in the bathroom before sex, make it quick – or I will probably start wondering what nasty deed you’re doing in there.
News flash guys. If a gal needs “freshening up” before sex, she doesn’t want to have sex with you very badly.
28. I pick out clothes that feel good. If you want me to dress cool, get something comfy.
True in general.
29. When you get up from our table at a restaurant or bar to go to the bathroom, I scan the room to see who checks you out.
…if I’m a needy pussy. If a gal gets up from my table, I whip out my Android phone and do some business. I don’t even notice the other people.
30. Seeing your feisty side makes me feel as connected to you as you do to me when I’m sensitive.
And here it is! The single most wrong thing on this list! As well as the single largest point of confusion for the modern woman. Women, we HATE IT when you’re feisty, sassy, brassy, or “a challenge”. We just want you to be NICE. And the more masculine we are, the more that’s true. I know that’s hard to hear. I know that goes against everything every woman in your life and in Hollywood has ever told you. But it’s the truth.
31. Looking at other women does not mean anything other than that someone’s outfit happens to be more revealing than yours.
Often true. But not always!
32. Making me carry your bag in public may be helpful to you but it makes me feel like I’m wearing a skirt: emasculated. If you ask me to carry it all the time I’m going to resent it.
I have a hard and fast rule. I never carry or hold a woman’s handbag or purse. Never, ever, never. Carry groceries or other shopping items? Sure, that’s fine. But carry your purse? Do I have “Pussywhipped Bitch” stamped on my forehead? Who would carry it if you were out alone, Darling? That’s right, YOU WOULD. It isn’t the end of the world that I won’t hold your bag. You’re dating a MAN. If you’d rather date a boy or an AFC who will happily hold your purse, there’s the door. I’ll talk to you in few months when you text me complaining about how boring the sex is.
33. All guys masturbate. Most of us have been doing it since we learnt how to use the thing.
34. I’m totally in favor of you wearing some skimpy clothes when we’re out with my friends.
35. Want me to watch more chick flicks with you? Then don’t tell all your friends how I got tearful during the last one. My reputation is at stake.
…and if I cry at chick flicks, I’m an AFC pussy. No wonder I’d be scared about you possibly telling other people. Honestly, I’ve cried a grand total of four times in my entire adult life, and I’m almost 40.
36. When I bring up something I did for an ex, I’m trying to prove I’m good boyfriend material.
Hate to admit it, but I’ve done this once or twice. Damn.
37. I know I’ll never be the bad-boy type – but please don’t refer to me as a ‘nice guy’.
Pure AFC. Alpha’s don’t need to worry about ever being mistaken for that kiss of death, the “nice guy”.
38. If you hate my mother, I’ll think less of you. But if you always agree with her, I’ll also think less of you.
I don’t care what you think of my mother or vice versa. And if I did, I’d have a little too much guy-Disney going on.
39. Giving me details about your period is as attractive as me describing my bowel movements.
Doesn’t bother me a bit. I actually find female anatomy fascinating, since I don’t have any.
40. When I propose something kinky in bed, always tell me you’ve never done it before.
This is something we call “Maddona/whore”, shortened to M/w, a terrible disease suffered by most men. Men want to fuck women, but want them to be pure virgins at the same time. It’s dreadful. For me, I get super turned on when a woman says “Oh I used to do that all the time!” That means she’ll be good at it.
41. Sex is much more intense if you look into my eyes.
Depends on the girl. If she’s an FB, no. If she’s someone special, absolutely!
42. Yeah, it’s annoying you take so long to get ready – but when you look so fantastic, all is forgiven.
BULL. SHIT. My time is valuable and I have a schedule to keep, Sweetie. Keeping me waiting is rude in the extreme, and if I did it to you, you’d be furious.
43. Ask me how many women I’ve slept with and it’ll be low if I like you and high if I want a fling.
I just never answer that question. It’s one of those no-win topics.
44. Do something naughty in bed once in a while; something that will shock me. Getting a glimpse of your wild side is the sexiest thing ever.
Do something naughty “once and a while”? Why not every time? Why is it that people almost insist on making sex boring over time? Sad.