Interesting article here on the reasons men marry. Most of it is obvious stuff, but a few key items shone brightly.
The men had not completely given up on the singles scene, but they were ready for “something else” or the “next step.” Those two phrases caught my attention…. The “next step,” as a majority of them admitted reluctantly to our researchers, was a serious relationship and possibly marriage.
Bingo. Most men who settle down with a monogamous girlfriend and/or get married don’t do it because they want to settle down. They do it because they don’t like being single any more. There is a huge and significant difference between those two things.
This helps explain the 62% divorce rate in most American and European cities and the marital infidelity rate that hovers around 70% to 77%. Most men over the age of about 25 marry to eliminate a negative, not embrace a positive.
Please keep in mind that I’m talking about men who have never been married. Men who have been married before are open to remarry much later in life…if a woman meets two men in their late forties, one who has been married and the other a lifelong bachelor, she should choose the one who has been married before. Although the first man may on the surface appear more cautious, he’s far more likely to marry than the second.
So older men who have been married before are for more likely to get married than an older guy who’s never been married. That makes sense. So this article recommends to women that they go for older guys who have already been married…since they’re more likely to marry you.
The problem with that advice, and one the article neglects to mention because its target audience is women, is that the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than with first marriages. Sometimes even double as high! So yes, go marry that once-married guy. And have fun getting divorced from him a few years down the road when arguing about the stepchildren becomes too much to handle.
A stringer is a man who strings women along. He likes having a woman, sleeping with a woman, eating with a woman, possibly sharing his life with a woman without ever making a real commitment. He often tells women, up front, he never intends to marry, so if and when he decides he wants to cut out, she has no reason to complain.
On the money. A woman has no right to complain about a man who is being 100% honest and up-front about his intentions. So many women forget that.
But then the article takes a turn for the worse:
If you think you may be involved with a stringer, establish a deadline. If he doesn’t commit to you within six months, get rid of him.
Oh, that’s great. Now we’re encouraging women to expect marriage-level commitments within six months of meeting a guy. Fantastic. I’m sure that will work out really well. (Is it any wonder why the divorce rate is so high with advice like this from trusted sources? Jesus.)
We ran across at least fifty men we could identify as stringers. They can be very dangerous. I estimate each one is responsible for at least two women remaining single. They are destructive because they con women into wasting their time during the years when they are most attractive and most likely to get a proposal. They stay with women, live with women, promise them marriage, and string them on and on indefinitely.
Now that’s where I agree. Any man who promises a woman marriage “someday” and strings her along is a lying piece of shit. Simply tell the woman that you don’t want to get married, and then whatever she does will be her fault, not yours.
However…see what the writer of the article did? It’s odd that the he suddenly changes the definition of “stringer” like this. Just a few paragraphs above, a stringer was a man who told a woman up front he did not want to get married. Now suddenly it’s a guy who deceives a woman, saying he wants marriage when he really does not. Note to the experts: Please keep the definitions of your own words consistent. Don’t change things on the fly in order to make a point. (Nice try though.)
There are literally hundreds of thousands of men and women in their forties and fifties eagerly seeking mates, but somehow they can’t seem to find each other. The main reason, I believe, is that those in both groups have been emotionally battered in the dating game, and they’re very gun-shy.
Truth. People suck at dating, and are even worse at relationships. Dating and relationships are not topics taught in any school, which is ridiculous. It’s just as important as reading and mathematics.
Many men at that age begin to look at women and marriage as a poor financial investment. There’s no other way of putting it.
Well, hell, maybe that’s because IT IS A BAD INVESTMENT FOR A MAN. How many women, who actually had investments she built up over a lifetime of working, would agree to a relationship in which if the guy broke up with her for any reason, she had to give him half of her retirement?
Really think about that for a minute.
I’m not suggesting money is a subject that couples shouldn’t discuss when they’re thinking about marriage. All couples need to discuss money, especially when either partner has assets and responsibilities. Just don’t base the discussion on the assumption that either one is out to take advantage of the other.
That’s exactly right, Mr. Expert. It’s called “getting a prenup”.
Another important question a woman should ask a man before getting serious is whether any of his male friends have married in the last year or so. If so, there’s a substantially higher chance that he himself will tie the knot within the next two years than if none of his buddies has recently renounced bachelorhood. More than 60 percent of the men we questioned coming out of marriage license bureaus told us they had a friend who had married within the last year.
Yet another reason the divorce rate is so high. I have indeed heard this from men and women alike. “I got married because all my friends were getting married.” Ugh. Such a low value people place on their life decisions.
Men who look at marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain are not likely to marry-nor are they good prospects. Run…fast.
Of course, let’s neglect to mention that in the vast majority of cases, a marriage without a prenup is indeed a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain. So the advice here is “If he’s thinks rationally and is correct about what marriage is, run…fast.” Yes, ladies. To be on the record about this: to any woman, if you think that a non-prenuped marriage is a better financial deal for me than it is for you, please, by all means, run away from me. As fast as you can, please.
The overall message of this article, a common message in society, is that the overall goal is to just hurry up and get married. There is rarely any talk about what happens, or what should happen, after you get married. “Just do everything you can to get married, and everything will be fine.”
For every one article about how to get married, or how to find the man of your dreams, or how to find someone who will marry you, there should be three articles about topics such as how to structure a marriage, how to avoid divorce, etc. But people don’t want to hear about that. They’d rather suffer the consequences instead.
For example, imagine the response I’d get if I sent the authors and researchers of this article a companion article about prenuptial agreements how how important they are.